Adoption

[Josh F]

I'm sure this has been discussed elsewhere but I haven't seen any podcasts on the subject.  I was wondering what everyone's opinion on adoption is... my girl and I were just hypothesizing about it and both agreed adoption would be better idea.  It seems to offer a lot, there isn't any burden on your woman's body, on the selfish side.  And more importantly if you believe in peaceful parenting, then you're not only creating a good human but removing a potentially bad one as well. 

[Mister Mister]

Yes I think it's potentially a great thing to do, I have a suspicion that quite a lot of adopting parents are abusive, though this is somewhat anecdotal, I'd be interested to see statistics.  I would just say be prepared to be patient and to help a child heal from the stress of abandonment or whatever else has happened that you may not know about.

[LovePrevails]

I think it's a fantastic thing that you are considering doing, you can save a life and give someone the best possible start in life

[Zimobog]

I come from a large family (oldest of 6) and my youngest brother is adopted. He's a grown man now. One thing to consider with adoption is that you not only are completely in the dark regarding any possible genetic history with a child who you might adopt as well as any tramua that may have occured while he/she was a fetus or before they were given up. Some of the seeds of very bad problems were planted in the womb and the types of stress that occured from the birth parents, possible kidnapping by state thugs, etc. are the major risks. My brother, for instance, was and is today petrified of anything remotely snake-like. Even garden hoses used scare him if he came across them in the grass. I imagine what must have occured in this crib back in Calcutta to cause that life-long fear of snakes.

 

In the process of trying to become adoptive parents, my own parents agreed to take foster children. Once there was an emergency situation involving three siblings who were removed by the state from a sexually abusive home in a remote Alaskan village. "Social workers" dropped them off at our house in the middle of the night. They stayed with my biological family for about a month- yep, you guessed it. They in turn sexually abused my own biological brother who was only 4 at the time.

 

I am not against adoption in any way, let me be clear. It has many positive outcomes for both the children and adults who have experienced it.

But concieving a child with love and raising him/her in peace from day one is the best.

[PatrickC]

I've thought about this topic a lot, given my age (44). Given that I'm getting to that stage in life when maybe relating to ladies of a fertile age might just be beyond me. Perhaps not, but I understand it could very well be. In which case I think adoption is an entirely productive thing to consider regardless of my own reasons.

[Zimobog]

I've thought about this topic a lot, given my age (44). Given that I'm getting to that stage in life when maybe relating to ladies of a fertile age might just be beyond me. Perhaps not, but I understand it could very well be. In which case I think adoption is an entirely productive thing to consider regardless of my own reasons.

I've heard it said that the perfect age for a lady is half his age plus ten. So using that, a 34 year old lady isn't beyond reproductive prime at all.

I'm not sure how adoption agencies view single parent adoption these days, either. Something to look into if your serious. I know my parents spent a lot of time being interviewed, finances looked into, we biological children were poked and prodded by nuns, state agencies, etc to find out if we were healthy and that sort of thing.

 

American agencies rejected my folks because of financial reasons, how many children they already had, and what other reason I'm not sure of.

India was not nearly so "picky" and one could almost call it a transaction: cash, vitamins, supplies, etc. offered to the orphanage. My parents went there to Calcutta and stayed for awhile and got to know the family that ran it. Obviously it was very, very poor there and they really just wanted the children to find families.

 

A good stepping stone is foster care, but this often involves children who are truamatized by crappy parents, kidnappings, abuse, etc. I think that system is pretty messed up, but it be a win-win for a child without a good parent and a someone wanting to take responsibility for a child's welfare.

[PatrickC]

I've heard it said that the perfect age for a lady is half his age plus ten. So using that, a 34 year old lady isn't beyond reproductive prime at all.

 

Ha, yes I've heard the same, except +7 years.. Yes I dated a lady at 30 in recent years, but mostly they have been 39+. However, even at 32 women can take on a significant health risk at having babies, which TT was kind of alluding too I think.