Bardan Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 Joined up an Objectivist Parenting forum on Facebook but it didn't turn out to be what I'd hoped for. In particular, the parents were exchanging "positive discipline" tips on how to deal with their children and to share introspections about why they do what they do. I wrote in and suggested talking to these children face to face. Empirical work, as all good Objectivists should appreciate. This was palpably ignored but I was told my tone was in question. So, I offered to make the following video to remove doubt about my tone...and then was completely banned from the forum for giving out personal information. I don't think there is personal information in here but now that I'm free of the obligations of the forum I don't mind saying this little. Which is that it's on facebook, it's 'positive discipline', and it's intended to be Objectivist. More than anything this is, for me, an exercise in trying to pass on a good message to parents who are invested in bad messages. And I guess I didn't tread lightly enough for that to work this time. And I guess I learned a bit about how volatile parenting advice is- right up there with politics and religion, right?
Bardan Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Thanks man, I can use the positive feedback. Think it's a bit hard taking advice like that that can so easily be taken as casting your own parenting ideas in shadow. Especially from a new person, and it seems from a male. So this has been an exercise in seeing what it's like to try reaching them.
Bardan Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Well, I think it's possible to be an Objectivist without matching it up with peaceful parenting and, indeed, the idea of wamming the two up is rare and probably only the exception thanks to the FDR show. To which I must also attribute the connection between procrastination and childhood treatment... Most welcome to ask the kissing question! It's kinda funny, I never thought of it myself and played back my video to see for myself. Two things spring to mind first.. 1. It's cultural. In Europe, in France, in Russia, etc kissing styles have different attributions than you're used to in the states or we have in New Zealand. So there's no hard and fast rules as to what is friendly, fatherly, or romantic per se. 2. If your little guy gets born and starts wanting to express his affection in his own way then are you going to prescribe another? From an early age my little guy used to gum me on the nose but we had to modify that when he grew teeth, mind you. But he still gives those sorts of "loves" now as he did as an infant. I think in this case the kiss on the lips thing is natural to our family though so he just joined in. Will say though that it wasn't always natural to me. I remember becoming conscious of this years ago at a libertarian party when a lady came to me and I found out I could bend over backwards to avoid that sort of contact! I've become far more relaxed about that since. And maybe that's how it is for you too at this stage now?
Bardan Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 Not at all. Let me assure you I'm not fan of culture either. Maybe better words would have been 'regional practise' so that you would appreciate the examples of Russians and Frenchies that went with it. And I really do think I understand how you feel about touching. I think it's a hard but worthwhile road to walk down to get to a person and a place where you can appreciate that physical contact. It might end up being your future partner's love language as it is for many. I remember when I was 20 meeting a woman in a libertarian group in person for the first time and she had this habit of kissing people hello. I reacted with surprise and bent over backwards like Neo in the Matrix ducking a deadly bullet!!! And because I felt so conspicuous and rejecting in doing that to her I had a think about it from that point on and eventually got to where you see me now.
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