weeb Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 This is beyond ridiculous, because it's true. This is why there is no hope for humans. This is just one of the many things the Church will give a blessing for. http://www.news-gazette.com/living/2013-09-30/blessing-pets-set-danville.html
Wesley Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 As an ordained minister who went through the rigorous 2 minute online application from the Universal Life Church Monastery (for I wanted to be able to legally perform the occasional exorcism for those suffering the philosophy demon of nihilism) I would like to offer my services to bless your pets for only $100. Even better, I will not take 20 minutes to perform the ritual as these people would, but instead will perform the entire blessing in but a handful of words and in less than a minute! Just message me if you would like to know where to send cash and a picture of your pet and we can get things underway! Disclaimer and Fine Print:It is my obligation to tell you that blessing will do nothing except make you feel good in your delusions of your pet living after death. You are paying me to send you a message containing the words "I bless your animal" and nothing else will be contained. By purchasing this service, you recognize that you gain no real value, but want the ritual performed for entertainment purposes only. If you make any special requests, it is at the sole discretion of the practicing pastor to charge you any amount that they desire in order to cover the costs. Currently, you are charged $25 per word, so costs could get very high very quickly. Please be aware of these costs and make requests at your own risk.
nathanm Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I had hope for humanity earlier today, but now this pet blessing thing…I now have nothing left to live for!
Edi Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Actually, they DO bless inanimate objects. LOL! My fiance's family is Catholic (everyone but his dad knows I'm an ex-Christian and an atheist) and they gave us a cross that was blessed by a Catholic priest that's supposed to bring some kind of good Catholic mojo into your house. When I unwrapped the gift, I was actually speechless for a moment. It was a pretty big cross - something you could stake a vampire with (lol) - and the first thing I thought was, "Oh WOW this is awkward, what the hell am I going to do with this?" I was gracious - I smiled and thanked them, but I felt so uncomfortable about someone giving me a religious symbol to put up in my house. I know they gave this giant cross to us with good intentions, but I was horrified. My fiance (who is a closet atheist) tried to convince me to put it up only when his father visits, but I just can't, in good conscience, put up a symbol of something I don't believe in simply to appease someone else. It has been tucked snugly into the kitchen drawer ever since.
Wesley Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Actually, they DO bless inanimate objects. LOL! My fiance's family is Catholic (everyone but his dad knows I'm an ex-Christian and an atheist) and they gave us a cross that was blessed by a Catholic priest that's supposed to bring some kind of good Catholic mojo into your house. When I unwrapped the gift, I was actually speechless for a moment. It was a pretty big cross - something you could stake a vampire with (lol) - and the first thing I thought was, "Oh WOW this is awkward, what the hell am I going to do with this?" I was gracious - I smiled and thanked them, but I felt so uncomfortable about someone giving me a religious symbol to put up in my house. I know they gave this giant cross to us with good intentions, but I was horrified. My fiance (who is a closet atheist) tried to convince me to put it up only when his father visits, but I just can't, in good conscience, put up a symbol of something I don't believe in simply to appease someone else. It has been tucked snugly into the kitchen drawer ever since. I am not the biggest fan on idolizing ancient torture symbols in my home either.
Lians Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 It's only natural. After all, the majority of people care more about their pets than their children...
dayna j. Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I've been holding out for the annual bless-one-get-one-free sale.
Wesley Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I've been holding out for the annual bless-one-get-one-free sale. Its a Black Friday Church special! Of course, we did not like the connotation with calling it "Black Friday" which would emphasize the evils of the church or our daily baths in the money of donors. Thus, this year we decided to rename it "Pretty Good Friday". (Obviously, we couldn't let it's name eclipse that of Good Friday, but still had to make it appealing.)
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