Television and parenting

[thesmooter]

My wife and I currently do not have a TV (but watch Netflix on computer/ipad) and are contemplating purchasing a TV.  We have a 11 month old and are curious to see what other experiences are with the effects of TV on there children?

We have agreed NOT to get cable so the only thing we would watch would be internet based.  It seems to me that the commercials and marketing is one of the worst things about TV. 

Does limiting the time allowed to watch really work?  Is it best just to remain TV-less?   Would love some different perspectives and experiences.

[Heath Long]

We have the same setup. We use Apple TV, which includes Netflix and many other apps. Our 2.5 year old daughter likes to watch Pingu and Curious George, and she joins us when we watch shows that are appropriate. I am with you when you say that the marketing part of television is something to avoid, and it makes up a big portion of why we do not have a cable or satellite subscription. One may be able to limit marketing exposure by using a DVR as well. Honestly, I think my wife and I have watched 2 movies in their entirety in 2.5 years, so not having immediate access just makes sense for us.

 

I do not think that television in itself is a bad thing. It is about how one uses the device. I sometimes have my daughter sit with me and I put on a show about dinosaurs or other animals before a trip to the zoo. She also has an iPad on which she can pull up a show on netflix if she chooses, and we have not found her to over use the privilege. We got the iPad because we can see that it will be an important device in her education. When I first got my iPad, I downloaded wolfram alpha and I had a lightbulb over the head moment. This is the new reference library, and my daughter will have access to vast repositories of human knowledge! When I was a child, my access was an encyclopedia from 20 years before I was born....this is better.

[Ruben Zandstra]

My wife and I currently do not have a TV (but watch Netflix on computer/ipad) and are contemplating purchasing a TV.  We have a 11 month old and are curious to see what other experiences are with the effects of TV on there children?

We have agreed NOT to get cable so the only thing we would watch would be internet based.  It seems to me that the commercials and marketing is one of the worst things about TV. 

Does limiting the time allowed to watch really work?  Is it best just to remain TV-less?   Would love some different perspectives and experiences.

 

Same here. Network television is terrible. Rare occasions excepted, in which case the show can be viewed on the web next day. 

Our children ( 4, 6 ,and 9 ) have seen next to no network television throughout their lives. It's quite interesting to watch them observe the rare commercial they get to see: there's a lot of puzzlement.

All content we watch on television is downloaded from the web / newsgroups ( SABnzbd) and streamed from a network share.

Right now the android tablet is hot with the smallest ones, where they can choose from a variety of game-apps and cartoon-selections.

 

We do limit time. Television stays off before 5 pm. Computers / tablets / phones can be used for educational/practical purposes at all times, but not for gaming etc. 

Works pretty well so far, and the limits apply to all family members.

[Roberto]

Ruben:

 

How do you enforce the limits? Lets say your 9 year old wants to do some gaming after hours? (or outside the limits that you came up with).

[Ruben Zandstra]

If he wants to play outside the limits we remind him this is not in line with what we've agreed upon.

If it's a big thing for him ( a new exciting game or whatever) then we're OK with some exceptions.

Throughout the years we've had a number of re-negotiations, and if he's fundamentally unhappy with a certain rule we can talk about it.

[MysterionMuffles]

Wow you guys are awesome with that. I feel almost guilty now for sitting my neice down to watch the children's channel for more than 2 hours lol. Almost. Uncle needs a break from running around once in a while!

 

Anyways, I don't have children of my own, just a neice I babysit on the weekends, so I don't have much to contribute to this thread other than a word of amazement to how differently this is approached by other philosophical parents.

 

Though I do wonder if anyone has tried Dayna Martin's approach where you just let the kid spend endless hours, maybe an entire day watching a show or playing a game, which results in the kid getting their fix fulfilled and ultimately choosing their own limits?

 

And doesn't letting them go over the intended time limit cause them to not take the limit too seriously after a while, or is there a way to work around it? Where it's like "you can play an extra 2 hours today, but tommorow you gotta stop 2 hours earlier." Is that nitpicky or does it go a long way?

[ErinGo]

I'll be the devil here. We have cable TV in the living room with a PS3 and a DVR. In my son's room, he has cable (limited channels without the super box we have in the livingroom) and a PS3. In my daughter's room, plain TV with no antennae or cable, hooked up to DVD player, Wii and another PS3. In my bedroom another plain TV hooked up to an AppleTV device. We have a laptop that lives on the kitchen table for family use but is moved away for mealtimes. I have an iPad for MY EXCLUSIVE USE - DON'T TOUCH IT!!! (I'm not yelling, I'm emphasizing).

 

Sounds crazy, I know! So how are we all doing? We're OK. My husband and I both work full time during the day and the kids are at school. They do their homework before any electronics. If it is nice enough out, they can play outside before doing homework. (It gets dark too quick to do homework 1st if you want to spend enough time outside).

 

We usually have dinner around 7 and I give the kids a few reminders that dinner is almost done. Whoever is using the laptop just naturally just has to stop so the table can be used and everyone else is naturally drawn to supper.

 

Everybody in the house reads books, my son and I tend to read in big chunks and with the ability to be unaware of cannon fire while doing so. My husband and daughter are more able to put aside a book, but both still enjoy it.

 

The kids spend ALOT of time on the computer and PS3 playing games. They like Minecraft and Roblox and stuff like that. (Oh yeah, I forgot that they both have handheld Nintendo DS). My son LOVES to watch video game walk throughs on YouTube - he laughs like a nut. He also likes to Google whatever he's interested in at the moment. My daughter is more interested in animal videos and games.

 

My husband loves video games and I'm an info junkie and that came before the kids were born. Having and using all this stuff was not some conscientious and reasoned decision. It was already habitual before the kids came along and has just progressed to this level. Don't think for a moment that we actually bought all of this stuff, my mom totally hogged the Atari when I was little and gives electronic gifts for any excuse and games are easy gifts for everybody else (I have a big family).

 

Alright, so now you know we're abnormal. What is the result? So far, Ok. I wish my son was more coordinated. His large motor skills are not graceful for a 12 year old. He just turned 12 and he is still quite small and puberty hasn't started yet (not a side effect of anything but nature) I expect that will make a difference when it happens. Even when he was a toddler, he would hang back and observe for at least 15 minutes before joining other kids on playgrounds in physical games. He's very cautious. Socially, he's not very observant of cliques etc. As in, they exist in sixth grade, but that dynamic is just not on his radar. He's well liked and has been treated very well in school by his classmates and teachers. He's a nice little guy who is a little introverted but he warms up and I get compliments on his manners and sweetness and intellect and sense of humor. He IS the kind of kid that will forget routines and do stuff like sitting down at his desk without putting up his coat or sometimes wander around aimlessly when everybody else is preparing. Other people describe him as the absent minded professor. He tests out in top percentiles in math and reading.

 

My 9 yr old daughter is also doing well socially and academically but is more of a risk taker and clown. She's a very good artist and louder and more assertive. If she comes inside all pissed about something the neighbor kid did, she will shut the door in the girl's face tomorrow with "I don't want to play with you". But, like my son, kind of skips off unconcerned. She often asks how my day went and she likes to help out around the house, especially with the pet chores. If anything, her faults would be impulsiveness, but it's so minor as not to be a fault.

 

What do I think about getting a TV? I think your child will be fine either way. At her age, it becomes background noise unless it's limited. Given in limited doses, it's RIVETING! That can be useful. I read something some guy said about growing up without TV. He still doesn't enjoy it as an adult on his own, but watches socially with other people. He said that it is hard to pay attention to his friends when it is on and that the commercials make it impossible. When everybody else takes a commercial break to chat or get snacks, he can't pull his attention away.

This makes me giggle because I remember when my kids were toddlers, they would ignore the box and play but commercials would snap them to instant attention (no matter the product). My mom also said that when I was little, I only watched the commercials. (I only remember watching the Great Space Coaster and Sesame Street and Richard Simmons and Bob Rossi at that little age).

 

I'm embarrassed for going on so long now that I reread it. I'm not anti-TV, obviously. But I really think it is fine to skip it and maybe better. I consume the least TV in the house and shut the damn thing off every time I notice I'm alone with it and not watching.

[FreedomFanBoy]

We our 2 year old has never watched tv, except for videos of the family or pictures and videos of wild animals. We have a tv with an AppleTV hooked up to it. 

 

We got rid of cable about year before she was born and haven't looked back. Our position, regarding television and parenting is, she has be able to discuss with us what she saw on the television to be able to watch it. Since she is two, she can't communicate with us what she would be viewing, we can't have a dialogue, therefore we withhold it until she can.

 

When she is in a place that we can have conversations, we will watch it together, then discuss it.

 

We want to be sure that she has the ability to view something, then tell whether it is real or fiction. Tell us her emotional state while watching, etc.  

[MysterionMuffles]

Sorry if this is sort of hijacking the thread, but I want to know how you stay engaged with your kids all day without media. I tire out from playing extensively and resort to letting my neice watch TV for a couple hours to recuperate. Is it okay to also promote parallel play where we can share the same space, but have different individual activities going on? I have her for 12 hours a day on the weekends, and I just don't know what to do with my stamina lol.

[Ruben Zandstra]

I don't stay engaged all day, and yes we have a lot of parallel activities where I keep an eye on them in an age appropriate way.

 

When we're not playing I pretty much just live my life as a housedad, which includes a lot of play for sure, but my life is not limited to them exclusively. 

I might be doing the household ( where they'll often join or have their gameplay around where I'm busy) , I could be playing some banjo or guitar, I might be cooking a meal, bake a pie ( they'll be helping for sure),  I could be mowing the lawn ( where one of them will often want to ride along), be working in the vegetable garden, we could be out for groceries, I might have a break and lie on the couch reading a book,  I might be repairing or building something  in or around the house, etc etc.

All of which will have to be paused every couple of minutes or so in order to check in on them. I trie to plan ahead, so that things that need to be done without kids around can be done when they're off to school or my wife is around.

[FreedomFanBoy]

I was pretty much going to say the same thing Ruben. We read a lot, and play, but if housework needs to be done, we are sure to include her. She can help put things away, and she loves to help sweep the floors or clean glass. When it's just me and our daughter, we often go to the park or for a walk around the neighborhood. When it's just my wife and her, they tend to water the trees or do some light gardening. In our opinion, the most important thing is to keep them involved with the housework in some capacity, even if it means you are not getting anything "done" because it is helping develops skills in them and that's productive. 

[thesmooter]

Thanks everyone for sharing their experience with TV and parenting. We still have time till our daughter gets interested in TV but at this point we are going to go cable free and keep what we watch always something of value. We are not exactly sure on what the "time limits" will be yet. We hoping that if we "lead by example" as well as put a lot of effort into engaging her she will not become addicted, like so many kids are.

 

 

My daughter is fascinated by watching me wash the dog. It usually involves me shooting the dog with a hose and scrubbing her with a car wash mitt.

Its a comedy show for her plus I'm getting things "done".