Coreforcruxes Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 (I have donated but my status is back logged, I believe Mike[?] is busy)Hello everyone I am looking for some insight from the best brain/heart trust on the planet.a little background; i live in a small Georgia town with my uncle and aunt who employ me pretty generously, I am 29 years old and live close to my cousins family (they are my age). Right now I am saving money and making future plans for long term stability. a girl at the local super market has been batting her eyelashes at me, and though she is gorgeous I dismissed it because I thought she looked too young, I also noticed she only worked on the weekends. well, my cousins husband was with me and saw the way she was looking at me, we went through her line and she had a co-worker asked me for my number which i casually said "ya know, I don't know it". After we got home he relayed the news to his wife, who called the store and got the girls phone number and found out her age, 16 (I live in Georgia where the age of consent is 16, not that that is a reliable metric of virtuous boundaries). I immediately put the thought out of my mind, or tried to. after working on his truck my cousin's husband and i went for test drive and (conveniently) were tasked by his wife to pick up eggs. We went through her line again and it seemed the whole store was in cahoots, cashiers stopped and watched... This 16 year old girl was running the show asking me why I was so shy, and I was just trying to stay above water, so I promised to text her. Long story short, I initially dismissed the thought but after being encouraged by both my cousin and her husband, my aunt and uncle and the staff of the local piggly wiggly, I am considering this as being acceptable. I have scheduled to have lunch with her on Friday, where i have considered three roads, "lets be friends", "lets go molasses slow", and "We should not try to develop any kind of relationship, and need to not socialize".What I want, I want to give it a chance, she is 16 and has done most of her emotional development (i imagine) and could be a reasonable moral agent. I would like to determine if this is true, I would like to see if we have anything in common and if it made sense to entertain the possibility of a relationship and go from there. I understand the possibility is small and to conclude that all requirements were met (she is emotionally competent, circumstantially stable and rationally aware) would require a lot of evidence. (considering physical possibilities, I courted a woman who was 5 years my junior, who had a developed emotional relationship where we did not sleep together for 7 months [the length of the relationship] which I ended because I knew I had some emotional development to do and I could not do it in a relationship. So, I am confident I could be a gentleman ) I hate to ring the bell of southern stereotypes but maybe this kind of age gap is more accepted in south Georgia, which is only a matter of social convenience, the real question is, is it blatantly or subtly wrong. Does that all depend on her and or my individual circumstances or are the numbers alone a death sentence? Do I think I am emotionally in the right place for a relationship? I am not sure, I am pretty happy, life is good and I have a pretty good grip on where I am and where I want to be and how to get there. please give me any opinions and advice you can FDR community, and thank you. I will be on later to respond. oh, If it helps... I look like I am in my early 20's, I have a baby face.
Guest Exceptionalist Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I hate to ring the bell of southern stereotypes but maybe this kind of age gap is more accepted in south Georgia, which is only a matter of social convenience, the real question is, is it blatantly or subtly wrong. Does that all depend on her and or my individual circumstances or are the numbers alone a death sentence? Don't make a hormone driven decision, it could compromise your judgement. It was like entering a supermarket starving. Do the Stefan to her first and look for compatibility.
MysterionMuffles Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 What I want, I want to give it a chance, she is 16 and has done most of her emotional development (i imagine) and could be a reasonable moral agent. I would like to determine if this is true, I would like to see if we have anything in common and if it made sense to entertain the possibility of a relationship and go from there. I understand the possibility is small and to conclude that all requirements were met (she is emotionally competent, circumstantially stable and rationally aware) would require a lot of evidence. How do you know this? A common excuse for someone wanting to date someone exponentially younger than them is that "they're mature for their age." And hey maybe they are, but that doesn't mean they would be sexually ready for someone more than a decade older than them. Especially at the teen age where most of their development happens. Don't think about the illegalities and punishments that may come (even though she seems like she might consent), but I'd rather focus on objective perspective on how you think a relationship with her will actually play out. I'm not here to tell you if it's wrong or right. I did date a girl who was 3 years younger than me when I was a senior in high school. I know that gap wasn't too big, but you can imagine the judgements that came my way when I became 18 and all of a sudden it was wrong for me to be with her. The way I guage it is; could you be doing better than this? What amount of shyness do you have to have, to have a girl a whole lot younger than you confront you on your shyness? (Wow that's a lot of have to have to have to's lol) Discern between sexual convenience and true intellectual/emotional compatibility. Also be honest with her and tell her if you have any discomfort taking someone so young out for lunch. If she doesn't already, let her know how old you are and ask her why she wouldn't much rather date someone closer to her age? Or better yet: ask her what her relationship with her father is like. If it's dysfunctional, it's a clear sign she's trying to replace him with you with the bonus of possible intercourse. Hey man, I ain't gonna lie. Making love to a young girl in bloom has its novelty value, but that kind of tarnishes any possibility of real growth and reciprocity. If you do have a grip on where you are in life, you will know instinctively if this relationship may be right or wrong for you. I trust that you do, and that you will listen more to your head than your other head if you know what I mean. As for the heart? I can't say much on what effect she may have on yours, for all we know she might be the sweetest girl you ever met, but you gotta weigh out the cost/benefit to dating someone that much younger than you. Are you okay with being judged by others who may not see it as innocent? How will you make sure her emotional maturity is even compatible with yours? If she's very immature, can you look into your own maturity or any other aspect of yourself that may be attracting her? Are you sure you're just not being overrun by your hormones as Undelution said? Would you even know how to let her down easy if it turns out she's not compatible with you? If you do decide to date her long term, how do you think that'll play out? Will the age gap even matter and will her parents accept you despite of it? Have you even been pursuing women around your age? What are your standards for love and sex? Those are a few quesitons you might want to start asking yourself. Hope this helps!
Dave Bockman Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 The crime of "statutory rape" makes it illegal for a perpetrator of any age to have sexual intercourse with someone under the age of 16 that they are not married to.[50] This law specifies that a defendant cannot be convicted on the testimony of the victim alone; some other evidence must be present. This offense carries a minimum sentence of 1 year in prison, and a maximum of 20 years. If the offender is 21 years of age or older, the minimum is raised to 10 years in prison, and the offender is subject to sex offender sentencing guidelines source If appeals to her well-being don't move you to leave her alone, perhaps self-interest will.
Guest Exceptionalist Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 How do you know this? A common excuse for someone wanting to date someone exponentially younger than them is that "they're mature for their age." And hey maybe they are, but that doesn't mean they would be sexually ready for someone more than a decade older than them. If she is able to have a sexual intercourse with informed consent to a guy of her age, she is able to do it with everybody. Someone who claims it happend due to manipulation or coercion, he had to back up his claim. That doesn't mean you should bone her, cuz the sexual paranoia in the USA is rampant.
sagiquarius Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Hello! I'm gonna be straight with you as if you were my close friend: There is no way I'd encourage or condone what you're about to do. Here's why: 1: Hormone check...silence the penis. 2: Listen to your initial instincts on the matter...if you doubt your initial instincts please refer to step 1. 3: You're nearly 30 and considering a relationship with a girl of 16 years; doesn't matter how young you look. Read that again. 4: You already know what you feel you need to do otherwise you wouldn't be seeking advice on this forum. I doubt anybody responding to this post will condone your choice to date this girl. I believe you came here as a counter balance to the peer pressure you've gotten thus far from the locals. Your instincts initially told you to back off, I would listen to those instincts and seek the company of a person closer to your age - plus or minus 5-6 years, maybe? - and give some introspection as to why you're even considering dating this girl. Yes, I said girl, not woman. Are you prepared to deal with her parents? If she has issues with her father, are you prepared to deal with that? Consider the responses you're seeing here to be an echo of your initial instincts.
Coreforcruxes Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 Hello! I'm gonna be straight with you as if you were my close friend: There is no way I'd encourage or condone what you're about to do. Here's why: 1: Hormone check...silence the penis. 2: Listen to your initial instincts on the matter...if you doubt your initial instincts please refer to step 1. 3: You're nearly 30 and considering a relationship with a girl of 16 years; doesn't matter how young you look. Read that again. 4: You already know what you feel you need to do otherwise you wouldn't be seeking advice on this forum. I doubt anybody responding to this post will condone your choice to date this girl. I believe you came here as a counter balance to the peer pressure you've gotten thus far from the locals. Your instincts initially told you to back off, I would listen to those instincts and seek the company of a person closer to your age - plus or minus 5-6 years, maybe? - and give some introspection as to why you're even considering dating this girl. Yes, I said girl, not woman. Are you prepared to deal with her parents? If she has issues with her father, are you prepared to deal with that? Consider the responses you're seeing here to be an echo of your initial instincts. Thank you for your post, i'll think about what you said especially whether this is a hormone desire or not. I pointed out my youthful looks as an indicator that maybe she was not seeking someone older ( a sign of her stability). I was not seeking someone younger, but they aggressivly presented themselves. If I were to entertain a relationship platonic or not I would do it out in the open, that means dealing with family and parents. IIf I thought she were in some way emotionally compromised (issues with her father) I would friend zone and come back here for advice on what help to recommend her. How do you know this? A common excuse for someone wanting to date someone exponentially younger than them is that "they're mature for their age." And hey maybe they are, but that doesn't mean they would be sexually ready for someone more than a decade older than them. Especially at the teen age where most of their development happens. Don't think about the illegalities and punishments that may come (even though she seems like she might consent), but I'd rather focus on objective perspective on how you think a relationship with her will actually play out. I'm not here to tell you if it's wrong or right. I did date a girl who was 3 years younger than me when I was a senior in high school. I know that gap wasn't too big, but you can imagine the judgements that came my way when I became 18 and all of a sudden it was wrong for me to be with her. The way I guage it is; could you be doing better than this? What amount of shyness do you have to have, to have a girl a whole lot younger than you confront you on your shyness? (Wow that's a lot of have to have to have to's lol) Discern between sexual convenience and true intellectual/emotional compatibility. Also be honest with her and tell her if you have any discomfort taking someone so young out for lunch. If she doesn't already, let her know how old you are and ask her why she wouldn't much rather date someone closer to her age? Or better yet: ask her what her relationship with her father is like. If it's dysfunctional, it's a clear sign she's trying to replace him with you with the bonus of possible intercourse. Hey man, I ain't gonna lie. Making love to a young girl in bloom has its novelty value, but that kind of tarnishes any possibility of real growth and reciprocity. If you do have a grip on where you are in life, you will know instinctively if this relationship may be right or wrong for you. I trust that you do, and that you will listen more to your head than your other head if you know what I mean. As for the heart? I can't say much on what effect she may have on yours, for all we know she might be the sweetest girl you ever met, but you gotta weigh out the cost/benefit to dating someone that much younger than you. Are you okay with being judged by others who may not see it as innocent? How will you make sure her emotional maturity is even compatible with yours? If she's very immature, can you look into your own maturity or any other aspect of yourself that may be attracting her? Are you sure you're just not being overrun by your hormones as Undelution said? Would you even know how to let her down easy if it turns out she's not compatible with you? If you do decide to date her long term, how do you think that'll play out? Will the age gap even matter and will her parents accept you despite of it? Have you even been pursuing women around your age? What are your standards for love and sex? Those are a few quesitons you might want to start asking yourself. Hope this helps! Thank you very much, you have given me alot to think about. i will have to reply to you in detail later. I think the shyness was a symptom of confliction with the situation. The crime of "statutory rape" makes it illegal for a perpetrator of any age to have sexual intercourse with someone under the age of 16 that they are not married to.[50] This law specifies that a defendant cannot be convicted on the testimony of the victim alone; some other evidence must be present. This offense carries a minimum sentence of 1 year in prison, and a maximum of 20 years. If the offender is 21 years of age or older, the minimum is raised to 10 years in prison, and the offender is subject to sex offender sentencing guidelines source If appeals to her well-being don't move you to leave her alone, perhaps self-interest will. Thank you for your interest and reply, but how does that apply in this circumstance, she is currently 16. And, i am here out of an interest in her and my well being, not selfish wants but advice on the best way to handle the situation. Don't make a hormone driven decision, it could compromise your judgement. It was like entering a supermarket starving. Do the Stefan to her first and look for compatibiliTha Thanks for your post, I will definitley keep that in the forebrain.
Coreforcruxes Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Short update: I am not going to entertain a relationship, I am now discerning whether a friendship could be mutually beneficial or not and really trying to explore the nature of my attraction to her, I have been a lost philosopher for a long time and am aware that I can sophisticate a solution to fit my [less than optimal] desires which is a large reason I showed up here for some clarity.Which you all have delivered in spades. Thank you so much, I have a measure of internal peace back and I am sure you bettered two lives.
kalmia Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 As somebody who has seen women of significantly younger age, I say see her if you want, but be cautious and remember that she may be viewing you as the older wiser authority. It could all just be attraction based on her part. I don't know how much you actually know her. Hang out and get to know her if you want. Keep up a bit of playful tension to keep your options open, but don't make a decision you will regret later. Ask her about her early childhood history. If you have listened to this show you have a feel for that.
LovePrevails Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 If she's that perfect she should still be around for dating in 2 years when she is 18 I think she would have to be really rather a cultivated person to make up for the age gap so you might want to talk to her and find out about her find out if shes interesting, and interested in learning about things you're interested in I am 27 and I have found girls anything below 21 too immature for several years it's not so much the age as the fact that people need a few years out of school before they become human beings and learn from the "actual" real world
Dave Bockman Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 my mistake aerlier in this thread, I totally misread your op and thought it read '15', sorry for the confusion
Coreforcruxes Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 my mistake aerlier in this thread, I totally misread your op and thought it read '15', sorry for the confusion Dave!, thank you very much for clearing that up.thank you! I gotta say that post no matter the intent only made me want to stop reading decide it was a mistake to look for help and prcess my own options alone. I know you only had the best intentions and I really appreciate your participating in the thread.I am pretty anti-authortarian and what i percieved as wielding state threat I do not think had the intended consequences, I am glad my better, less impulsive self won out. of course, if the threat had been legitimate i would have been forced to consider my self-interest and perhaps your will would have been accomplished, either way it would have been a critical and insecure mind doing the "thinking". i have written a pretty long synopsis of the "date" and will give it to anyone who is interested and seems credible enough. i do not wish it to be available on the www.There is no evidence of legally regarded criminal activity in the document nor did any take place. There is personal details about another persons life which I hesitate to make publicly available without their permission. I am maintaining a guarded friendship with this young lady. My next task will be to work up a cost benefit of maintaining a friendship with her.
Zava Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 "really trying to explore the nature of my attraction to her" Please forgive me if I'm totally off-base but it sounded like you want to jump into the water, so to speak, without examining it from all angles, without immersing yourself into true, deep introspection, perhaps therapist-assisted which obviously may not be as fun nor provide feedback as quickly. It is good that you are asking people for input and at least considering the results beforehand though. I'd hazard a guess that not many people do that, at all. If you don't mind, I'd like to share an anectodatal tidbit from someone on the other spectrum, from the future: In the past I dated/saw/hung-out with a man 20+ years older than myself and in retrospect (and even slightly during) I felt very taken advantage of although I admit it was technically voluntary at that time. I think absent or abusive/negligent parents makes these age-gap situations attractive and possible. Instead of the older guy *really* helping me, I became isolated and reliant upon him even though he didn't provide much. I'm not sure it was intentional on his part but nonetheless those were repurcussions even if it took me years to realize them. I think there have been studies conducted showing that, as far as monogamous couples/marriages go, those closest in age had the most success. Of course, there are exceptions to everything. Like winning the big lottery or getting struck by lightening but even then the latter is more likely. It reminds me of one of Stefan's podcasts about goals: If someone isn't working toward ultimate goals time isn't just wasted; it leads one in the opposite direction, making the goal further and harder to reach.
Guest Exceptionalist Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I think absent or abusive/negligent parents makes these age-gap situations attractive and possible. Instead of the older guy *really* helping me, I became isolated and reliant upon him even though he didn't provide much. I'm not sure it was intentional on his part but nonetheless those were repurcussions even if it took me years to realize them. Correlation isn't causality and if you find someone attractive, it boils down to the individual. There is nothing to be examined rather than the person itself. I felt very taken advantage of although I admit it was technically voluntary at that time. If it was no coercion envolved, then it was on your part to make a stand.
Coreforcruxes Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 Zava, thank you for your feelings and experiences I will add it to my thoughts on this matter. I have over-analyzed it and looked at it from all angles and concluded that a friendship is all it merits. I had the fine luck of reading part of an Alice Miller book recently where she states that without a period of dependence a developed conscious self cannot form. I do not feel that she has reached that (nor I to my satisfaction). Because of this I feel like if we either had a relationship, or maintained a friendship with the express goal of an eventual union then we would both miss out on this kind of development. In a past relationship of mine I broke it off because I knew I was "missing something" and would never find it if I had to focus on a relationship and I at least do not want to repeat my mistakes. I expressed all of my many concerns I had to her about a relationship, one being the aforementioned. Another being that I would be in a position to (unintentionally of course) manipulate her development and over-power her, which could cause mutual resentment down the road. As far as exploring the nature of my attraction to her, I think its that she has not been conditioned by the world, which highlights my urge to guide her, which would be a position of power and I don't think that would make for a healthy relationship.I explained to her that my interest in a mutually beneficial friendship were that I knew she were dealing with issues and that I were doing the same and we could try to help each other there. And she did prove fruitful in that regard, a forum is great (this one is invaluable) but having someone around to talk to is different, I can be pretty honest with those around me but its all family which has its own tensions.
MysterionMuffles Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I would like to know how your lunch date went with her if you don't mind PMing me. I'm interested to see how well you handled it if this is the good news you're giving us. I would be in a position to (unintentionally of course) manipulate her development and over-power her, which could cause mutual resentment down the road. As far as exploring the nature of my attraction to her, I think its that she has not been conditioned by the world, which highlights my urge to guide her, which would be a position of power and I don't think that would make for a healthy relationship. Hm...I think I know exactly where you're coming from. If I didn't mention already, I did date a girl 3 years younger than me in high school and I had that feeling of wanting to guide her because of her inexperience. That's one aspect that comes to age gap relationships if the gap is huge I suppose. It's like trying to compensate for something missing in terms of parental guidance or something. I can't quite explain it right now.
kalmia Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 There is a 16 year old who has been showing interest in me and said she has a crush on me multiple times. I know her through her parents who are around my age, or few years younger I think. I have had chats with her, and I think there is some missing fatherly guidance that she is after. She lives with her mom and step dad, and she told me her step dad doesn't talk to her much, and she feels ignored by him. I have talked to her about where certain behaviors of hers have come from. I try to be careful not to say too much that might anger her mom or step dad. I am seeing a 24 yr old right now, and I am impressed with her ability to figure things out and have self knowledge conversations with me where we both talk about the behaviors our parents are still stuck in. I guess listening to so many of Stefan's listener convos gets me going in these directions more and more with people. I find that I get into parental relations and early childhood experience conversations with people earlier and earlier.
Guest Exceptionalist Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I would like to know how your lunch date went with her if you don't mind PMing me. I'm interested to see how well you handled it if this is the good news you're giving us. Hm...I think I know exactly where you're coming from. If I didn't mention already, I did date a girl 3 years younger than me in high school and I had that feeling of wanting to guide her because of her inexperience. That's one aspect that comes to age gap relationships if the gap is huge I suppose. It's like trying to compensate for something missing in terms of parental guidance or something. I can't quite explain it right now. The could have benefit from your experience but been better off in a passive manner. Don't be the Fuehrer, concordance is important. Important to me is never been pushed arround but also never be a push-over.
MysterionMuffles Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Lol I don't get what you mean Undelution, could you elaborate?
Coreforcruxes Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 I usually donate $20 a month, but I gave an extra $10 this month due to the help and attention I recieved here, Thanks FDR. Especially Morse Code Stutters, who spent some time PM'ing me.
MysterionMuffles Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Hey no problem. It was very educational for me, helped me look at my own age-gap relationship in the past with a new perspective. So thank YOU too, for exuding some serious integrity in such a situation!
Hugh Akston Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Ok, pretend I'm her dad and ask me if it's ok and see if I'll respect the non aggression principle. Does that answer your question?
NeoEclectic Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 I'd like to chime in on this even though it seems resolved. Practically my entire dating life, up until I turned 29, I've always dated older women. When I was 19 I was seeing a woman that was 34 and another that was 32. When I met my now ex-girlfriend the tables were reversed because she was 18 and I was 29 when we started dating. We had actually met years before that when she was 16 and our relationship was strictly platonic. There were no improprieties, no feelings, and nothing indecent happening. It just happened that when she was 17 that things started going down a different path. We started developing emotional feelings for one another and spent quite a bit of time together. Just before her 18th birthday it became clear that things were becoming serious. Still up until that point there was nothing physical going on but we were feeling emotional affection for one another. We decided that we wanted to be in a dating relationship. I suggested that we get her family involved immediately before we actually pursue the possibility of a relationship. Inevitably, there were going to be questions from her friends and family so I thought it would be best to just get that out of the way. Also, I wanted to show them that my intentions were sincere and honest and that I haven’t been preying on their daughter. We arranged to have dinner with her parents and she did inform them ahead of time about what to expect. She revealed to them the nature of our relationship and why I wanted to sit down with them and have a discussion. The four of us had a very open and candid discussion about the events that led up to deciding that we wanted to be together and her parents were surprisingly receptive. This took place two weeks before her 18th birthday. I offered to submit myself to a background and criminal check and offered to be completely honest and forthcoming about myself and my history. Her father ended up saying that he believed my sincerity and was convinced that I wasn’t being coercive, or controlling. He thanked me for offering to submit to the background check but respectfully declined. With their approval we moved ahead. We had been together for almost 7 years while cohabitating for 6 of those. At first it was like any other relationship where it started off hot and heavy then it tapered off a bit as time progressed. But we were very much in love up until the last 2 years. We had talked about marriage and I felt that I was practically ready for it but I always had this reservation because of the age gap (among other things). It’s weird how things work out but during the last 2 years of our relationship I started noticing changes in her behavior and habits that disturbed me. Basically, what happened was that when the relationship first started she looked up to me and relied on me a lot citing my age as representing wisdom and strength. The way she conducted herself, earlier on, was the result of wanting to please me almost in a way that a child seeks to please an adult for approval. I didn’t catch on to this because I was oblivious and smitten. It didn’t hit me until much later that was the case. When it seemed apparent that marriage was on the horizon her attitude started to change, she became a lot more comfortable with being in her skin, basically she was maturing. She ended up being a completely different person. We no longer shared similar views on life and family, and there was a clear generation gap regarding simple things like music and difficult issues such as current events. When she was just a teenager she had yet to develop and mature into the person she ultimately became; she was still developing and maturing. I didn’t realize this was happening. I always believed that she was rather mature for her age and felt that she was the person that she was going to be. The last year of our relationship I refused to have sexual relations with her. I revealed to her that I no longer desired her physically because I felt as if our relationship had transformed into a father/daughter situation and that it was a complete turn off. She tried to swing me back over the fence but I was inconsolable. The point is that people that young still have a lot of living to do. We were both at different stages in life where she was still coming into her own while I was pretty much settled in my ways and beliefs. She became a different person and we both realized that we were not the same as before and that it was irreconcilable. I’m happy we were able to reach that realization before being locked away in an unhappy marriage. In a way, it broke my heart that it came to an end but at the same time I was relieved. I used to live by the saying that “You don’t choose love, love chooses you” believing that was the situation in our case. I even thought about my past relationships where the shoe was on the other foot regarding age and figured why not. It worked out okay for me when I was 19 so why should it be any different just because I’m the older one now? I’m not saying that it’s impossible for relationships, where there is a significant age gap, to be successful. It happens all the time. I think the important thing to bear in mind is what age demographic are we talking about and at what stage of mental maturity are they? I wouldn’t be opposed to dating a 30 year old when I’m 41. At 30 I have to imagine that most people would have developed into the person that they more or less are going to be for the rest of their lives. But that wasn’t the situation for me and my ex. She was 18; a point in a young person’s life where they’re still figuring out who they are and what they want out of life. I think for most people in that age range they're probably in a similar frame of mind, and stages of development, as someone closer to their own age. Not to say it's impossible for a 28 year old to be with an 18 year old successfully. I just think the odds are stacked against them and in some ways it may be a foolish prospect. Just something to consider.
MysterionMuffles Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Thanks for your insights Neo! Even though my biggest age gap was 3 years I did feel like she looked up to me. So that weird father and daughter dynamiv you mentioned was quite disturbing but also very revealing of what voids her and I were trying to fill.
Guest Exceptionalist Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 @ NeoEclectic She hasn't reached cognitive maturity, since her personalty was already hardwired and I assume that you didn't do the Stef. Only virtue can bring you happyness in the long run. I just think the odds are stacked against them and in some ways it may be a foolish prospect. Just something to consider. It was foolish to be with an mental zombie, that's allways the case. The lack of knowledge and live experience at that age is quite clear, but I don't think, that a rational thinking lassie would change fundamentally.
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