LovePrevails Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Hi friends , can you please give me some feedback on this ad. I am thinking of droping some cash on featuring it and want to make sure I'm not wasting money on a poor text. Any suggestions on imrpoving the text welcome. http://www.gumtree.com/p/community/essential-communication-skills-for-enriching-your-life-relationships/1033626329
Wesley Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I am interested as to what medium this ad will be. In many media, the attention span of the average target is less than a second, so I am just curious how/where this ad will appear.
luminescent Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I think the text is strong, but has a few flaws. Here are the notes I made:- I like your emphasis on the word HAPPY in the first paragraph.- I would capitalize "Positive Communication Coach" to make it sound more official- For greater impact I would change "For example, there are 6 main reasons why people communicate, can you name them?" to "For example: There are 6 main reasons why people communicate. Can you name them?"- Uncapitalize "themselves" and move the "To" up a line. In other words: "And with a little help anyone can learn:" "- To Assert Themselves better " becomes "And with a little help anyone can learn to:" "- Assert themselves better " (That way it reads "anyone can learn to:" "- Assert, - Listen, - Ask, - Say, etc.")- Regarding "Listen in the way that is most helpful to the person talking (not always the same!)" I'm unclear as to what the "not always the same" refers to?- "or like they're pressure anyone" should be "pressuring"- "Connect with other peoples feelings" should be "people's"- "Have the maximum opportunity of resolving conflicts" I would change to "Have the maximum opportunity to resolve conflicts" or "Have the maximum potential to resolve conflicts" or "Have the best chance to resolve conflicts"- Add "..." in front of "and even start teaching these skills to their friends" (it then becomes "...and even start")- I would omit the extra blank lines before and after the bullet list. I think it will read fine without the extra lines. - "I am confident that with 4 sessions anyone can see massive positive changes in their social life, family life, romantic life or work life." I would remove the word "massive." No need to over-promise. - Keep the blank line before the endorsements -- very effective.- The endorsements themselves are a nice touch.There might be a few other things I would change to make it flow more smoothly, but otherwise I think it's a strong ad -- the structure of it is good, and I found the message to be compelling.(Let me know if you have any questions.)
Wesley Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Just an aesthetic thing as I looking over the ad. There is a hanging word in the line "- Connect with other peoples feelings in a way that makes them feel understood and cared for " which slightly bugs me. I believe it is generally a rule that hanging words should be avoided whenever possible. @luminescent did a much better job than I could with the rest of it. However, that was the one thing I didn't see listed.
LovePrevails Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 thank you so much luminescent for giving such useful and specific feedback Wesley I don't know what a hanging word is?
Wesley Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 It is a single word on a line by itself. -Imagine a really long paragraph or sentence that talks about something you are trying to advertize- then a hanging word. It just looks a little odd and is discouraged unless necessary.
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