How to best teach the benefits of low time preference to children

[wdiaz03]

Any ideas on how to approach this topic?, I have a 9 year old and sometimes when we talk about the benefits of deferring gratification he gets frustrated and disengages from the conversation. He says he wants to do fun stuff in the moment.

 

I have seen him get emotional when we talk about things that he is doing (playing video games etc) that are not going to help him achieve his dreams of working for a video game company when he grows up.

 

It seems I'm not doing things right. any ideas on how to talk to kids about how doing things that are not as fun in the present can benefit them in the future?

 

I would like for him to understand how exercising and playing games that exercise his brain have more benefit that silly games.

 

[Guest Exceptionalist]

He is a little child, I guess you just expect too much of him.    Maybe you should try to do the Andre Stern instead of doing the Stef: http://www.andrestern.com/en/index.html 

 

He speaks 4 languages, builds guitars, etc. and neither went to school nor is highly skilled. He is just an enthusiastic guy who follows his interests rather than following success.

[Panoptic]

I don't think something that improves your health has to be an interest. Have you tried taking him to work out with you? I used to be just like that, all I did in high school was play video games and that's all. I heavily regret that I wasted so much time (but I do not dwell on the past). For me, I started working out just for my high school weightlifting class, but I found that the more I did it the more I enjoyed it, especially after seeing results. Is he stressed out about something? You can ask him about that, and also explain that working out is an awesome way to relieve stress even though it may be counter-intuitive. I am no parent but I can sympathize with the, working out is not fun, idea.

 

Also, if he becomes frustrated when you talk about things that will not help him achieve his goals, maybe he does not REALLY know what he wants to do. Maybe he has apathy towards his future. 9-years-old does seem pretty young to be thinking about this stuff, but this is exactly how I felt my entire life until I got out of high school and I was way behind. For me, I think my apathy came from the horrible public education system and my parents' apathy towards life as well. They never seemed to show emotions about anything, not even excitement. They always told me that in life, you just have to get a job and get paid, it doesn't matter if you like it or not, as long as you are bringing food to the table. This obviously did not help to install any motivation to find something I would have enjoyed to do. I would say try to figure out why he feels apathetic.

 

What you could also do is go find information for him about what it takes to become a video game designer and maybe even make a plan/timeline with him about achieving this goal. This is something I do when I think I want to do something with my life in the future, and I can see how realistic it is. It usually installs motivation and excitment in me. You could also do research on other careers with similar skill-sets and show those to him as well. Of course, his ambitions will probably change over time and so it is something that you can continue to help him with.

[wdiaz03]

Thanks for the reply.

 

I'll have to admit ...1982 that i'm not at all confortable with that approach, I see children no different than adults that do not have all the information to make good desicions. Why would I step back and not provide the missiong information? Seems irresponsable and cruel. If the child is eating junk food why not inform them of the consecounces this will have?

I only expect him to make his own desicions but at least to have more of the information he might not be taking into account.

 

He has expressed interest in video games and he enjoys building small video games. When I introduced him to scratch he was really excited about programing with it

 

http://scratch.mit.edu/

 

and built his own version of a favority game the first day.

 

I try to take him out of the house for things like biking, and other sports and he goes after some negotiation but he is never proactive or excited to go initially. He usually has fun and expresses that when we are done. So maybe I can remind him of how much fun he has had in the past even if initially he is not excited about these activities.

 

I also was not very active as a child, but I do remember biking a lot and enjoying the freedom. I started getting more physically active in high school. but the concecuences of that was going through childhood as a chunky kid and a struggle to control might weight as an adult.

[stigskog]

Hi Wdiaz03... i wondered if you go out and exercise regularly, i mean if he sees you doing something regularly and enthusiastically he will most likely want to do the same.

[wdiaz03]

Hi Wdiaz03... i wondered if you go out and exercise regularly, i mean if he sees you doing something regularly and enthusiastically he will most likely want to do the same.

Howdy,

 

Yes I consider myself very active, I ask him to bike with me, play ball, etc all the time. but he just doesn't enjoy it as much, He has never been very athletic, not very flexible etc. My nephew on the other hand is like a cat, 2 years younger than mine runs laps around him and loves sports. I have signed him up at local leagues for flag football, soccer, basketball, swimming and he goes through the motions and has fun, but not like the other kids.

[STer]

wdiaz03,

 

It might be important to consider that at 9 years old a lot of kids are just exploring identities. We all know, or maybe even were, kids who between 9 and 12 wanted to be a fireman, an astronaut, an archaeologist and maybe five other things.

 

Perhaps it isn't wise to get too dogmatically focused on this "video game designer" identity. It may just be something he's playing with in his mind and he shouldn't be held to everything he explores as if it's a contract.

 

Also keep in mind that sometimes kids' exploring process is non-linear. Maybe he thinks he wants to be a video game designer, that leads him to play video games and learn about them, and from there he learns some other thing from a game that sends him in a new direction and to the next identity to try on for size.

 

And finally, don't forget that at 9 years old it's perfectly natural to do some things just for play. I think the trend of parents scheduling their kids with one formal activity after another, as if they're in some training program for life, rather than letting them have some downtime is really unhealthy. Of course, it's just about balance. If he's playing video games all day nonstop, that's not healthy either. But I'd say try to give the kid some breathing room to just be a kid and just provide healthy boundaries and ideas for other activities, as well.

 

On one hand, you want kids' childhoods to help prepare them for adulthood. On the other hand, you want them to actually have a childhood where they can just be children while they are children so that once they are adults, they aren't constantly trying to get back a childhood they missed out on.

 

Just my thoughts. If any of it helps, I'm glad. Whatever doesn't fit, disregard.

[wdiaz03]

wdiaz03,

 

It might be important to consider that at 9 years old a lot of kids are just exploring identities. We all know, or may even were, kids who between 9 and 12 wanted to be a fireman, an astronaut, an archaeologist and maybe five other things.

 

Perhaps it isn't wise to get too dogmatically focused on this "video game designer" identity. It may just be something he's playing with in his mind and he shouldn't be held to everything he explores as if it's a contract.

 

Also keep in mind that sometimes kids' exploring process is non-linear. Maybe he thinks he wants to be a video game designer, that leads him to play video games and learn about them, and from there he learns some other thing from a game that sends him in a new direction and to the next identity to try on for size.

 

And finally, don't forget that at 9 years old it's perfectly natural to do some things just for play. I think the trend of parents scheduling their kids with one formal activity after another, as if they're in some training program for life, rather than letting them have some downtime is really unhealthy. Of course, it's just about balance. If he's playing video games all day nonstop, that's not healthy either. But I'd say try to give the kid some breathing room to just be a kid and just provide healthy boundaries and ideas for other activities, as well.

 

On one hand, you want kids' childhoods to help prepare them for adulthood. On the other hand, you want them to actually have a childhood where they can just be children while they are children so that once they are adults, they aren't constantly trying to get back a childhood they missed out on.

 

Just my thoughts. If any of it helps, I'm glad. Whatever doesn't fit, disregard.

 

All good points, Thanks

[LanceD]

Did you ever consider that video games aren't a bad thing? We want our kids to find things they are passionate about and enjoy doing, well what's wrong with that thing being video games? Society has pushed this idea that video games are brain rotting activities that waste valuable time that could be done doing more "productive" things, yet video games can be very good for you and even make you smarter.

 

Here is an article about a study showing Starcraft makes you a faster thinker:

http://www.polygon.com/2013/8/23/4652518/starcraft-makes-you-smarter-claims-research

 

Another showing First Person Shooters improve eyesight:

http://www.digitaltrends.com/gaming/good-news-for-gamers-video-games-can-improve-your-eyesight/

 

And a summary and discussion of studies involving video games potential to improve Perception and Cognition:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3171788/

 

Obviously there should be some moderation involved but I would try and avoid the assumption that video games are inherently a waste of time, particularly if you take the time to identify good educational games that can not only entertain but enlighten and train the brain.

 

 

 

I have seen him get emotional when we talk about things that he is doing (playing video games etc) that are not going to help him achieve his dreams of working for a video game company when he grows up.

 

On another note, this statement makes absolutely zero sense. Playing video games and feeding that passion will totally play a part in eventually being able to work for a video game company. There is more to it, but you act like playing games is somehow hurting his ability to eventually have a video game related career and that's kind of absurd.