The Recovery Community (12 Steps & Beyond)

[mikeyV]

Forgive me if this is in the wrong forum section, general knowledge seemed to be the only one fitting for this rather specific topic.  My question is in relation to alcoholism and addiction.  I can only imagine that Stef has addressed the topic in the past but I can't recall, does anyone know where his best discussion on this is?  I grew up in a religious institution that was very rigid and determined at age 24 that it was not making me happy anymore.  I figured at that point I was atheist and began studying in the area of philosophy to come to a better understanding what my individual perspective was, and not what others had taught me.  What also occurred though was a period of experimentation and trying new things as I was now untethered from dogmatic moral restrictions.  I believe issues with depression and anxiety and a relative confusion as to how to deal with that left me prone to struggling with drug and alcohol abuse.  

 

For the last 3-4 years I've dealt now with an entirely knew community that seems to be steeped in its own brand of dogma.  I don't want to single out the AA and 12 step philosophy but it is the dominant one.  These past few years I have developed a belief that the entire rehabilitation business is capitalizing on an epidemic ailment in modern society without any definitive and apparent impact.  I can't say my rehab experiences were entirely without merit, but I feel like they are addressing mindfulness more than really determining the biological problems that exist and occur in people who become addicts (or always were addicts) however you want to term it.  It seems to me there is a HUGE lack of philosophical perspective on this dilemma.  The psychology community has all but given it over to this rehabilitation money mill as I believe there is economic incentive to do so.  Anyway, I'm essentially looking for more opinion, ideas, and thoughts in the area of reason when it comes to addiction.  I believe there is far more to the problem of addiction then merely being genetically predisposed.  In my experience, I've recognized a rather fundamental existential crisis that lies at the core of my personal struggle.  In terms of the recovery community, I am not keen on the idea that now my life is essentially defined by being "in recovery".  This isn't to say I want to be able to drink or use recreational drugs, but I'm opposed to some of the black and white thinking, the dogmatic perspectives, on what it takes to either remain sober or avoid the pitfalls of substance abuse.I've said a lot so I'll leave it out there to the folks to bat around.  Any response will be appreciated

Thanks Mike V 

[Emanuel]

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. We all have it tough, but I strongly believe we can all overcome. I recommend Peter Gerlach's self-work resources on sfhelp.org, it's been a great source of knowledge and hope for me. He also has some very good videos on Youtube about addictions, psychological wounds and other very important topics. If you're interested, please watch this video on addictions.  http://youtu.be/TgENqeyehRM  

Also, welcome to the boards and I hope you find what you need inside this community and inside yourself. Best of luck to you.

[cherapple]

Here's an article by Daniel Mackler on 12-Step programs, which he attended for a number of years. He says they helped him, but ultimately he left. He explains why:

 

http://wildtruth.net/the-twelve-steps-of-alcoholics-anonymous-a-translation-into-reality/

 

I am not keen on the idea that now my life is essentially defined by being "in recovery".  

 

It's one thing to be in recovery from something that was done to you, or that happened to you, but to be "in recovery" from yourself—from a genetic (or mysterious) "addictive personality," or from an unlucky draw of being "born with a bad chemical brain makeup," like some strange and ugly growth—is another thing altogether. I think it's a terrible tragedy that is done to people, that makes them willing to accept such permanent and hopeless labels upon themselves. It keeps them in the program, worshiping it, and needing it indefinitely. I applaud your desire to question the labels. 

[mikeyV]

Thank you both.  I will check out these resources.  Sounds like your friend was able to see some of the merit in the 12 step method but with time was able to move past it.  A similar path seems to be unfolding for me.  The community aspect of "recovery" is essential, but I've found it doesn't have to be all about "recovery".  People need to feel respected and have people they can trust to go to.  This is key for anyone looking to become more psychologically healthy.  I've always felt like a deeper underlying psychological malady existed that is the main contributor towards my struggles with substance abuse.  Likely this is an amalgamation of unresolved trauma, bad brain chemistry, and seeing the world in a distorted manner.  It's a struggle sorting it all out and with how many people I've met these past few years within the recovery social circle and in rehab, I am troubled by how the rehab/recovery dogma in America hold many of these people back.  And to me there seems a significant lack of will to change the status quo when it comes to dealing with addiction.  Anyway, it's apparent I could talk about this for some time, but thank you for the responses.

[cherapple]

I attended a Survivors of Incest (SIA) meeting last night for the first time, and I was pleasantly surprised with the amount of rational and moral clarity that I witnessed. In the past few months, I have also tried a couple of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) meetings, looking to find local people who were talking about their childhood histories. Since ACOA has "adult children" in its name, I was hopeful for some moral clarity. I was disappointed with the ACOA meetings, but last night I was happy to witness a good level of rational self-work and moral clarity in the people at the SIA meeting. I think the difference lies in the focus.

 

AA and ACOA meetings, and meetings like Overeaters Anonymous (OA), etc., focus on inanimate objects (alcohol, food) and concepts (alcoholism, eating disorders, etc.) as symptoms of mysterious "disease." There's a lack of clarity about where those "diseases" come from, which allows people to focus on "disease" and avoid its roots. "It comes from being born with a chemical imbalance in the brain, with unlucky genetics," and parents also "just happened to be cursed with alcoholic children." (The latter especially is a viewpoint that I don't want to go back to support, or hear more about.) In such an environment, an attraction to religion and a higher power to fix the mysterious illnesses would be attractive. 

 

I had a different experience in the SIA meeting (which my therapist suggested I try). People were placing the blame for the sexual abuse that they experienced as children where it belonged. They expressed anger at their parents and their families. Many of them acknowledged they had no positive relationship with their families. Some of the people were religious, but some also explicitly and angrily rejected religion and they understood how it had hurt them. There was a clear focus on WHO did the damage, and what the damage to them was. There was a clear acceptance of the innocence of their child selves. Afterward, I felt some of my protectors (in the language of IFS therapy) relax, and coping behaviors felt less urgently needed. I'm going back. 

 

I would say, just like finding a good therapist, finding a good support group takes some searching. There's a crap ton of irrationality in support groups, just like in therapy (if not more so), but finding local people who are rational and who are doing real work is possible (if I can say that with any authority after one promising meeting). 

[mikeyV]

What you say about rational people is very true.  But, MAN oh MAN if that's not a difficult thing.  They are a rare breed.

[ThomasDoubts]

     My family tree is littered with drug and alcohol addicts or recovering addicts(they say after years or decades of sobriety).  Almost every one of their recipes was the same:  AA and God mostly.  They either ended up completely sober, and almost maniacalIy religious, or incarcerated.  I have an uncle who's a recovered drug addict running a mental health/substance abuse facility in Ohio, and another relative that was like the president of AA in Pennsylvania or so I've been told.  I had some issues of my own, but I never would have considered myself an addict (others may have, what's that big river in Africa again?) .  My problem was I would get drunk, do stupid/silly things, and it just complicated my life in a negative way.  I've seen it be incredibly destructive for many family members, my father included, so I was always very much aware of what happens when you travel too far down that road.  I also hear you loud and clear with regards to being dissatisfied with the black/white approach.  I still enjoy a drink now and again, but I really have to police myself to moderate.  If I don't make a conscious effort, I'll drink like it's going out of fashion.  That's when I remember why it's important to police myself.

 

     I still feel like it's playing with fire though.  If I never touched a drink or drug for the rest of my life, I know neither would cause me any problems.  If I dabble with either from time to time, they could cause me problems, and what would I have gained?  I would say, simply a few hours of relief from the anxiety of the day.  I think the important thing is, if I do so, I know I'm masking underlying problems.  As long as I'm commited to dealing with those underlying problems (preferably in some hazy distant future ) I don't see it as a massive issue.  I view it like getting a little tipsy on a sunday to medicate a toothache, while making a note to schedule a dentist appointment in the next day or so.   I was a fairly heavy and regular drinker in college, but these days I might have a drinking "occasion" between once a month and once every three months, which generally consists of 4-5 drinks.  I know my life is significantly better for the change.  Maybe one day I'll accept full sobriety, but I think I'd have to degenerate into being a heavy user again for that to happen, and I think that's highly unlikely.  Who knows though, I never really miss it or think about it if I don't have it, but that wasn't always the case.   

 

     As far as how I reduced my drug/alcohol use; it was two things.  Primarily, it was about the company I kept.  Certain social circles were triggers for me.  I found myself unable to be around certain people without indulging excessively and frequently.  I just had to cut ties with some people I considered good friends, for my own good.  If I happened to run into them at a bar or restaraunt tomorrow, I might have a few drinks, but I can't maintain regular relations.  It just drags me back into bad habits.  Secondly, I made an effort to replace alcohol with pot as a kind of temporary measure to at least self medicate with something significantly less destructive.  I found I could stop using it entirely at any time, and after a few weeks I did, and kept away from alcohol for 6 solid months to break the behavior patterns.

 

I doubt many would advise the latter of my strategies, and I was hesitant to mention it.  I decided however, it worked for me, and I'm conviced alcohol is worse in every way.  I think breaking the behavioral pattern, and dealing with the underlying causes are very distinct, but equally neccessary issues to overcome.  I got myself clean as a whistle, and then commited myself to dealing with my underlying problems.  It was slow and difficult at first, but a breakthrough here and there, and it came all at once, seemingly without effort.  That would be my unprofessional advice, for what it's worth, because it worked for me.  You didn't detail precisely what your "addiction" entails but these are my general thoughts and experiences on the matter.  If you can relate, great, I'm with you.  If you find anything valuable in what I've said, even better. 

 

     Apologies if I didn't come from the reason/philosophy angle too much.  That was instrumental to understanding why I was using, but I got sober before I tackled those problems.