Online friends.. right or need?

[SteveHein]

Do teenagers have a need for friends? Do they have a legal right to them?What about online friends? What if those are a teen's only trusted friends?Here is an email I got today - your comments, feelings plz. I would especially like to know how you feel when u read this, with specific feeling words. They often say a lot, quickly.----------Date: Mon, 21 Oct 2013 16:32:31 -0400Subject: Teen, Just Want To See What You Think.Hello, my name is David, and I just recently discovered your website as Iwas just looking for things to.. Help me out.. Basically, I just want tohear your opinion on this. Yes, I am a teenager, and, am, obviously"troubled", or "different", idk. In short, my mom is threatening topermanently take my internet away, including weekends. My only and bestfriends are on the internet, and they're the only people that can make mefeel even slightly like I belong, and they're the only people that canunderstand me. My mom says its because "I've been sitting on it too much",practically all day on school nights, from 3pm to 10pm, and from 8am-12amwith copious amounts of breaks, and that she wants me to spend more timewith the family. In truth, I don't even want to be around her, becausesimply being around her makes me angry and agitated, her looks on life arejust embarrassing in my eyes. She's slightly racist, and makes fun of gaypeople, and if she ever catches me crying she'll call me emo, and, I mightas well be, though I don't necessarily self-harm...She always pressures meto be right and its just so hard to take it anymore. I have no one to talkto about these things but my friends, and I think they might be the peoplethat've been keeping me alive the past 3 years. I dont want to tell herthat my friends mean so much to me because I know that she'll resort to"what, are your friends more important than family?", when my parents donteven talk to me about anything, and, Im honestly terrified of what elseshe'll say. If I cant speak to them anymore, I might go insane, or becomedepressed. Am I being stupid and deserve it, or should I try and dosomething. Please help.--Personally I felt very sad. Almost powerless. Vastly outnumbered. I felt a lot of pain. I believe he lives in a country which claims to be a free country and a defender of human rights.SH

[fer]

I felt very similar to you and also anger towards the mother.

 

I don't think the question revolves around if "teenagers" need friends. Every human benefits from positive human interaction, and he is getting all the contrary. And no wonder why he finds harder to get "real life" friends with that upbringing.

 

His reaction is completely natural to me, he lives in a dysfunctional environment mostly due to the mother, and his online friends probably provide them what he is deprived at home and also distract him from that awful environment.

 

Do you think he would benefit if you suggest him Stefan's material (besides your website)?

 

Therapy would me a must but I'm not sure if that kind of mother would allow it.

[ribuck]

It's a false dichotomy that he should either be with his online friends or with his mother. He'd probably be happier if he found some offline friends to do stuff with: shoot pool, go hiking, play music, tune engines etc.

[MysterionMuffles]

This is a clear sign that online friends are proving to be more satisfying than living with that horrible kind of mother. I'm sure even in a peaceful household it's okay to have online friends, granted that they are the safe type of online friends lol. Humans need interaction in any way they can get it, and if they're surrounded by disparity in their physical world, the virtual world makes for a good escape. It's still a real interaction they are talking to real people, whether they know their faces or not. As long as those interactions are also peaceful and helpful like I have here with you guys. Ya'll don't know my first name (some of you do though) and I don't know any of yours unless you've told me or if it's in your username. We've never seen each other in person or heard each other's voices through Skype or anything like that, but an interaction is an interaction.

[aeonicentity]

While he certainly has the right to friends, he doesn't have an inherent right to his family internet or computer. I don't know everything about his situation, but if his mother is reasonably concerned he's misusing the family internet. If his mother reasonably believes that the internet is hurting his development as a human, I suppose it does fall to her to be responsible for her child's upbringing. While a bunch of people on the internet socializing might disagree that the internet could stunt social growth, The Mother's feelings here cannot be ruled out here. If her son buys his own internet connection (entirely possible, thank you mobile data plans!) then she certainly couldn't deny him that morally since he owns his own internet.

 

That being said, it would be highly insensitive for this mother to deny her son the only social outlet he does have without helping him get others, or resolve the problems preventing him from real world relationships.

[thesmooter]

I can actually relate a lot to this email.  I grew up with a controlling, racist, aggressive, critical mother.  My get-away was guitar not internet.  I imagine he feels trapped.    I think the best shot for any sort of results would be through counseling.  I wonder if the mom would be up for that.  If his high school years are anything like mine, he will have to count the days till freedom and give her whatever concessions she requires.  He just needs to remember that its not permanent.