JamesP Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Obama has announced a new federal program: Universal Relationship Care. You will be able to keep your current partner if you like him or her. You won't have to change relationship providers. Did you know that over 45 million taxpayers go without relationships every year, and a further 60 million are dissatisfied but feel trapped in the current system? And let's not forget about the children. Most children in this nation of ours go for years without adequate relationship care. You can keep your relationships, nobody will force you to change them. Your costs won't go up. We will make sure that people who suffer from chronic moral deficiencies have an equal chance at relationships. Nobody should be denied a relationship. No Relationship Management Organization will be allowed to discriminate against pre-existing conditions such as dishonesty; infidelity; criminal behavior; physical, emotional, or sexual abuse; or halitosis. Please tell your partner to apply for grandfather status–a little pun–and your premiums will not increase.
Wesley Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 You'll be able to choose from four different varieties of plans, platinum (highest quality relationships), gold, silver, and bronze (lowest quality relationships). The relationship care exchange is open for every U.S. resident, but only the uninsured will face penalties for skipping out. If you pay for your own plan already, you can keep on keepin' on, although we'd at least recommend shopping around to see if there are cheaper relationships out there.
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