Nicolas Ouellette Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 So it's been a while since I've got a new neighbor living in the other house by mine (i live in a duplex so the two houses are side by side) and some time ago, i heard her screaming at her kid through the walls. But it hasn't been an isolated event, it happened multiple times, but just recently, i decided that i couldn't just sit there and listen to the kid cry and her relentlessly tormenting him this way. So i put my shoes on, when to her side of the house and rang the bell. When she opened the door, i saw her kid with red soaked eyes behind her and i told her that i heard the screaming and i was concerned about what was happening. But i expected her to get out a wonky answer to excuse that because she was being confronted; she told me that it was discipline, that he wasn't putting his clothes on and so on... I was a bit stressed because i am feeling that i'm going to get told that this is none of my concern but then i think that i had a similar childhood, but that no one stood for me when all that bullshit happened, and now i have a chance to change that for this kid, but i'm really not sure what to do or how to do it, because i also don't want to start more trouble than there already is... If anyone has ideas or suggestions about this, i would welcome them openly because i'm trying to change my life and apply RTR the best i can to myself and those around me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysterionMuffles Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 Welcome to the boards, Nicolas. That's gonna be really tough to live with man...I would suggest calling CPS, especially if you know she's using physical force as well. Otherwise if it's just yelling, I really don't know what I would do...it's tough. Good for you stepping in when you could. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Green Posted November 7, 2013 Share Posted November 7, 2013 Personally I'd wait until the situation was "peaceful" and later explain to her that it could be possible to have her child not have to be forced to do stuff through such discipline. Mayhaps buy her the Peaceful Parenting book? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cornellius Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Well, you could tell her that since the loud abuse you're half subjected to is your business, you're going to be involved in the situation until it improves whether she likes it or not. Also, I think a great way to disarm the violent approach to parenting problem solving is to say that to destroy the wishes of the child has to be replaced with accomodating them at all costs because as the pain and agony and depression of the child show, the current situation is dangerous for his future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cornellius Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 I'm having a neighbour abuse problem as well. It's going on as I'm typing this. About a week ago, a female neighbour on the third floor of my apartment complex where I live, betrayed the rules by bringing in a small dog. Cats are allowed by the landlord, but no dogs, and I can fully understand why that is. In the beginning, I took notice by hearing the small dog barking repetedly, probably ten instances per day, most likely at the window, always followed by the oppressive yelling, ordering and scolding of the owner. I'm afraid of what's happening to that poor dog right now, because the owner might be a huge sadist who uses a dog instead of children to pour the toxins in. The barking has never ceased from an escalation of yelling, but always in a silence, and sometimes in the midst of sounds of physical assault. Muffled barks. (right now she's at the verge of tears) There's grave physical violence that's involved. Some of the barking might be from the abuse. She just charged at him because I heard the footsteps and the dog has emitted a loud bark and gone silent. Oh gee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicolas Ouellette Posted November 8, 2013 Author Share Posted November 8, 2013 I'm sorry to hear this, it also reminds me that my neighbor owns a dog that has a very similar attitude, he barks a lot and for no apparent reason, i would also like to try to talk to her in a peaceful situation as Carl proposed since she shouldn't be in a tense mood at that moment. Thank you for posting your ideas on this, if you have anything more to say i'm still listening and i always will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Green Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 Well, you could tell her that since the loud abuse you're half subjected to is your business, you're going to be involved in the situation until it improves whether she likes it or not... This type of statement to someone sets up a premise that you're the one calling the shots and it's not a mutualy equal interaction. The mother would then only say something along the lines of "shut the fuck up and mind your own business." which will definitely not improve the situation for the child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cornellius Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 This type of statement to someone sets up a premise that you're the one calling the shots and it's not a mutualy equal interaction. The mother would then only say something along the lines of "shut the fuck up and mind your own business." which will definitely not improve the situation for the child. There's something you're missing out. Yes, I understand that being upfront with abusers will always get them to get defensive and act out on their victims. But when it comes to abuse, if you have a situation where you are personally involved like Nicolas is who's got plenty of time to make the move, then there's a time where you should do it, and that's when absolute diplomacy doesn't do the trick. But I'm not talking about forcing her to obey. I'm talking about knocking on the door until you can get the word in that there is a serious problem with the way she is dealing with the problem, that it's immoral and that it needs to change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Green Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 I'm talking about knocking on the door until you can get the word in that there is a serious problem with the way she is dealing with the problem, that it's immoral and that it needs to change. I'm just saying don't go at it from the "wether you like it or not" angle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cornellius Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 I'm just saying don't go at it from the "wether you like it or not" angle. Maybe I failed to specify it. I think it's the right angle to take, if it comes to that. Like, after all else failed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanielJPetrik Posted November 8, 2013 Share Posted November 8, 2013 I think it would be helpful to know some more information about your neighbor. Is she married, does she work and put the child in daycare, who else lives in the house with her and her child? For example, if she is screaming at the boy to get dressed because she is in a hurry to pick up her soused boyfriend at the bar before he gets violently drunk and cuffs her, you might start with talking to her about how the violence is being transferred from her boyfriend to her child through her. If she is simply taking advantage of the power disparity between her and the boy you would have to try a different strategy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccuthbert Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Welcome to the boards, Nicolas. That's gonna be really tough to live with man...I would suggest calling CPS, especially if you know she's using physical force as well. Otherwise if it's just yelling, I really don't know what I would do...it's tough. Good for you stepping in when you could. NEVER CALL CPS UNLESS YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY SURE THERE IS DANGER THAT YOU CANNOT PREVENT. THIS IS TERRIBLE ADVICE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysterionMuffles Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 That's why I said especially IF you know she's using physical force as well. Otherwise it's just yelling etc etc... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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