Jay Paul Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Hey everyone. I recently began talking to a girl who appears to be knee deep in unprocessed history, and I would like to hear what you all think might be a good way out of this situation. When I asked this girl about her family she told me there is was history of abuse. I'm not going to write her whole story unless someone ask to hear it. Based on everything she's told me I've come to the conclusion that she is trapped in a cycle of abusive relationships, and I don't feel like playing Dr., so I need help out. Any ideas of what I might be able to say to her to cease our communication without just dropping of the map. That's something I'm desperately trying to avoid this time around when I find myself about to repeat this cycle I have myself of getting into relationships with girls who were daughters in single parent homes, victims of physical and verbal abuse, institutionalized by their "loved ones", force fed drugs, and for the most part lacked self-knowledge and a comprehension of personal history. In the past whenever this sort of thing would happen, where I'd wanted out of a relationship with a girl like this I used to just isolate myself away from that person without confronting them about how I would no longer care to continue communicating with them and let them assume I didn't want to see them any more. This time around, with the self knowledge I've acquired, I was able to catch myself before slipping into this awful cycle. So not that I've identified this new girl to be an unprocessed victim of childhood abuse I need help of getting out of this situation with her without just abruptly making it seem to her I had been abducted by aliens. Does anyone have any ideas about what I could say to this person to let her know I no longer wish to communicate with her? From there I hope we could go on to discuss how my history more in depth and perhaps what I can do to no longer attract this sort of girl into my life. >inb4 How's your relationship with your mom? I'd be happy to cover that here on this thread after I find a way to let this girl off the hook. Thanks.
RealP Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Is she conscious of the fact that she is/has been in abusive relationships? In other words, when you ask her about her history, does she put up defenses or is she honest about it?
Jay Paul Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 Yeah. She was conscious of it, and seemed to be honest with me. Here's her story. Maybe it'll help. Her parents got divorced when I think she said she was 4. Her parents' shared custody and her. Her dad got remarried and his new wife was physically abuse. She told me she was afraid to tell her biological mother that she was being abused. because her step-mom would kill her. I think she felt afraid, because she unconsciously knew that her mom knew her dad was capable of being with someone who's abusive. When she was 13 and she could choose who to live with permanently she choose her mom. She told me since then she hasn't had the best boyfriends, which is of course shows how she doesn't have the best judgement. Her most recent ex was a drug dealer and had a kid. So she still seams to me an unprocessed victim, because she's made no mention of therapy or how she recognizes that she hasn't always had the best relationship with men.
Tyler Durden Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Just be honest with her. Tell her that you think she has baggage from her childhood and past relationships which she needs to process first before jumping into a new relationship. And tell her that you wish the best for her but that you're not qualified to be her therapist because you have some soul searching of your own to do as well.
Zava Posted November 15, 2013 Posted November 15, 2013 After reading your post last night, I immediately though of a podcast. I found it this morning: http://cdn.media.freedomainradio.com/feed/FDR_1407_Self_RTR_When_Dating_Convo.mp3 (FDR 1407 Self RTR When Dating Convo) I don't think her issues are the problem; it's the fact that they are unprocessed. You can't be her therapist. This podcast talks about how to recognize issues quickly before you come acrossas too interested/committed. Then you don't to go through a sticky extrication.
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