Compassion for a young shoplifter.

[Three]

As I was shopping at a grocery store yesterday, I saw in of the corner of my eye a boy probably around the age of 12 pocketing some gum while I was walking down past the ailes. He must have noticed that I saw him, because when I turned my head around to look at him he began to quickly take out from his shorts his ill gotten gains and put the candy back in its place. Then he ran off. One of the employees who had walked past me during this moment saw this too and his first reaction was to tell the security guard. So, he began to describe to the guard what the boy looked like and I began to continue my walk down the hallway to get my dinner. As I was walking, a number of thoughts and questions began to spring to my mind.  I imagined what would happen if the security guard were to find this boy. I began to worry that all that would happen is that the man would lecture the boy, the boy would be humiliated, and he would then go home to his parents who would further humiliate this kid by giving more boring pompous lectures or by hitting him. I also saw this abuse continuing in a possible future for him in the rape rooms that are the american prisons.  This would more than likely ensure that he would continue stealing in the future. I felt really sad because, thanks to what I've learned from Stef's podcasts, children are not born evil. They steal because their childhoods have been stolen from them. (The boy was african american and studies show that african american parents and more likely to use corporal punishment than white parents, so I knew that the chances of that happening wasn't too slim. )

As I made my way towards the cash register, I really hoped to run into the boy. I didn't know what I was going to say, but I hoped to keep him from doing something that would make his life more difficult.  I started looking down the ailes. Eventually, I ran into him. With as much compassion that my face and my monotone voice could express I said to him "Hey, man. I can buy you a pack of gum. I really don't want you to go down that path." He looked frightened and quickly replied 'naw, I'm good and walked away.' I have no idea how this kid is going to turn out, but I hope by showing him some compassion, he'll at least know that the world isn't that shitty. That their are people who care. So, I bought my food and ate it in the parking lot. And with relief I saw this boy and his family walk down the sidewalk, get into their car and drive off, which was to say he didn't end up getting lectures by the "authorities". I have no control over his behavior and have no idea how his life with play out, but I sure do I wish him well.

And I also wanted to note that I would not have done something like this if it were not for the mentoring I have received here from Stef and others here at FDR. I wanted to post this to show that this philosophy has truly been essential opening my heart and for that I am truly grateful.

[Avery]

Interesting story Joel...  I tend to think about the potential past and future of the kids I see every day.  My family has grown in the last year or so, so now I've got four new step brothers and sisters that I now go home to every few weeks.  They're all very young, one in elementary school all up to a couple in high school.  Every time I come home and spend time with them, I notice tenancies they have are tied to what they've learned from their mothers of fathers that I know have been abusive or harmful in the past.  So I think I can empathize with your wanting to show the boy in your story that there are people out there that care.  I try to show them all that there are older, physically bigger, and more intellectually adept people that are willing to negotiate with them, be nurturing, and ask important questions.  I don't know what you felt after this incident, Joel, but I tend to feel like my efforts are in vain, since they go back to these emotionally abusive mothers and emotionally distant fathers routinely.  Did you feel like what you showed the boy was in vain?  Like maybe the boy had been conditioned not be comfortable with feeling vulnerable?  I want so bad to influence my step-siblings and biological siblings in a positive way, but I don't want to prod them too much to make them feel uncomfortable.  Did you feel like you made the boy uncomfortable?  Should I be concerned with that aspect of interacting with these kids?