Military Family History and Reality

[richtrix]

I have grown up in the military tradition. My father was a Lieutenant Colonel in the Airforce, My Grandfather on My mother's side a Colonel in the Airforce. My Mom's Great Grandfather a General in the Army. My uncle my cousin, Army. My Father's Grandfather was in the Candadian army as a tank driver in the battle of the bulge in WWII. You get the picture. This particular post isn't necessarily about my family though. I'm writing about an interesting experience with my wife's family. Her grandfather was a Lieutenant Colonel in Vietnam. He joined the Army in 1945 during WWII. He volunteered to go to Vietnam in August 1967. By December 1967 he was dead having been killed in a non combat helicopter crash. I've just learned that he survived another crash due to hostile fire in November 1967. The ripple effect of this loss persist today. My wife's father became an alcoholic and about 7 years ago he fell down some stairs while intoxicated and that landed him into a vegetative coma. He was recently divorced from my wife's mother. My wife is the oldest child and it was her call to pull the life support on her dad and watch him die. He is survived by one brother, Doug, who was in the Navy for 5 years when he was younger, apparently is having his own struggle with alcoholism. 

 

Last week his mother, my wife's grandmother, died of cancer. It was fairly sudden. She found out she had cancer this summer. My wife and her never really got along. She was a manipulative woman by all accounts, always providing guilt trips to those she spoke with. She was particularly fond of my wife's father. My wife's grandmother was bitter toward my wife especially since she gave the order to end her father's life. The week before she died we went to visit her in Florida so she could me our son, her great grandson, before she died. It was one of the last times she smiled before she died. So that was nice. 

 

About a year ago while cleaning out some old stuff I found a tub of things my wife had gotten from her father. In it was a notebook and some pictures. It was a compendium of correspondence between my wife's uncle Doug and many individuals who served with or under Doug's father. It was some serious stuff. Since his father had died they didn't know how or what happened. There was even question if he may have been a POW. Doug had found people who were there when he died who surveyed the crash and served with "Sabre", Doug's father. 

 

While we were visiting my wife's dying grandmother Doug and his wife were there. They had moved in with her for about a month to see her off as it were. So there was a lot of time for conversation etc.. I mentioned to Doug that I'd read through the correspondence and told him that it was a real great piece of investigative work and family history. My wife said that Doug never tells the rest of the family anything. Things that others might like to know. This was one of those times. He mentioned that there had been a recent development in that The Military Channel had contacted him for details about his father. They are putting together a special on the battle of Dak To, one of Vietnam's largest battles. In speaking with individual's involved in that battle in early to mid November 1967 so many had referenced "Saber" that they reached out to Doug for further information on him. Saber was in command of the 4th battalion of the 8th infantry. They saw some of the heaviest fighting in Dak To. Doug began to tear up as he was telling us about the special. He also informed us that he'd had digitized an audio letter that Saber had sent home to his wife, the woman dying in the next room, about a month before he died. In the letter he details the fight of Dak To. I had Doug email them to me. He asked that I not share the audio as it is a personal family memento which should be treated with dignity and respect. It sat in my inbox and it wasn't until veterans day that I listened to them at about 2am on nov 11th 2013. They total about 20 minutes. Saber is very matter of fact in the tape. In the first minute or so he states that the last 3 weeks have been the most traumatic experience in his life. He goes through the death of two of his company commanders and his utter sorrow. Hearing these power words of my son's Great grandfather were very moving. I began to research the men he was referencing and seeing their photos and family posts it etc. it really makes it all quite real and the tragedy sets in ways never before felt. I've studied war my whole life with my father and was boyishly fascinated with the glory of it all etc.

 

I corresponded with Doug a little asking some questions. It turns out that there is full audio of the battle of hill 724 where one of the company commanders Saber referred to perished. It was taken by a signal core officer who was with the company. The audio was for notes for his video he was taking. As the battle began he left his audio recording. Seems so strange a thing that the military was so interested in filming the war. The video was thought to be lost. The Military Channel special was supposed to air on Veterans day. Doug told me it was delayed due to the fact that some video had been discovered which goes with that audio of hill 724. I was listening to this audio and it's really disturbing to listen to knowing that one of those shots or explosions is one that killed Saber's friend. That the same energy that imprinted on that tape and was now pulsating my eardrums has also killed such a man. I emailed Doug and said that I had narrowed down where, based on accounts, the area in the recording where I presume the Captain was murdered. I did pause as I wrote the word... murder. I wondered if I should change it... but left it. He responded with this... I suppose it was predictable. 

 

 

 

I also would NOT say that Capt Falcone was "murdered"....he was killed in action.  I believe that saying KIA demonstrates a much different message and a commanding respect for those that died.
Regards
Doug

 

I began writing a response that ended up being quite long. I know I've heard Stef call soldiers murderers before and I thought about it. I have not sent the response yet. My conclusion is that he's fairly correct. Here is part of my argument in the unsent email. 

 

 

For sure most killed in action were killed intentionally by another man and against the will of the victim. However, soldiers in warfare are placed into a situation where aggression and self-defense (two opposing moral actions) are mixed in such a way that it is difficult to decipher which is at play and who is assuming which role. Men, i believe, are fundamentally moral and the drive to do what is right is a primary human motivator. In addition to the blunt force trauma experienced by war veterans this moral trauma, where right from wrong is utterly indistinguishable, I believe also plays a devastating role on the psyche. I think that there are murderers in warfare for sure. I think they mostly sit in well decorated rooms, far from the front, signing papers. Those dropped into the middle of this mental and physical meat grinder are hardly murders. They are usually fighting to keep themselves and their new friends alive. You know the saying "You're not fighting for God and Country, you're fighting for the guy next to you." Defending them and yourself and so are the guys on the other side. They are also forced to aggress either by order or by the fact that if they don't they will be aggressed upon in due time by the enemy. It's just impossibly tragic. The whole affair. I would not wish it on anyone.

 

I'd like some input on this argument and also some advice from anyone on how to deal with this sensitive issue. The deaths of these men have ruined lives. Of course Doug was upset because if the Captain was murdered by the NVA that would mean in turn NVA killed by Americans would also be murdered, making those soldiers murderers. Of course there is also the fact that during Vietnam many soldiers were called murderers when they came home. So for Vietnam vets it is a touchstone word. For people who have lost loved ones in wars the idea that they died for their country protecting freedom etc. is what keeps them from losing it. I'll probably never send that email. Even though I agree with Doug in the end, digging into the question feels insensitive for a man who at 14 lost his dad and still struggles with it 45 years later. In delving into the history of these events I've found myself so drawn into the tragedy and feel so awefully that behind every name on that wall there are generations of damaged lives. I feel a desire to share their stories as they lived up to their deaths and the bravery they showed in disregarding their lives at times to save others. Is doing so am I just perpetuating the Glory of War further?