If anyone can, please help

[Slavik]

Hi, I feel uncomfortable asking, but I am reaching the point where I feel i have no way out. 

 

Recently I started to look at myself in a different way (thanks to Stefan).  All my life I have had one trauma after another, developed severe depression when I was a child.  Yet, going through life thinking all of this meant something was simply wrong with me. 

 

Not manly enough (went to the gym, built muscles as if I was ready for Olympics)  Had a strange punishing routine of exercise (I know this because a college football coach approached me one day, and asked what I was training, -"are you training for upcoming marathon?" he asked, that shook me up a bit, since this was my exercise routine for good 5 years then, 5 days a week.  So muscles grew my mask looked "manly" but depression and emptiness persisted with ever growing strength. 

 

-Recently I took ACE test, I scored 5(but only because some things were simply not on it) , after test I went to the rest of the videos, I felt such enraged and desperate sense of betrayal, as symptom after symptom has connected.  I felt so angry and hurt at the same time, that I threw my headphones on the desk, stormed out started jumping, then fell to the ground and burst out in tears.  

 

-As of right now I am in the stage of discovery , and this is where I need help.  When I discover one thing I try to place it in the category of "root cause", or "symptom"  I am still unable to do so.  The help Im looking for is, to help me parse it all and put it in its own place, then maybe a direction to where I can learn what tools are possible for coping, and Finally to set myself free. 

 

Please dont take this as some sort of cool mental exercise, Im too far gone to be a puzzle for someone ( I do not have the time, I feel I've slipped too far as it is)

 

If you can help please do, If you can not then you are simply my fellow traveler on the same road.

 

 

Thank you all in advance

[Emanuel]

First of all, I'm really sorry for what happened to you, it was very hard to go through and you did not deserve any of it. It's really hard to go through the pain that allows us to grieve and grow. Sadness and anger, even rage are all acceptable and necessary steps to recovery in my opinion. I know how confusing it is at first to look at your own life objectively and through the lens of truth. I want to let you know how courageous I believe you are for going through this very painful process, you are making a big service to yourself and to the world as a whole.

 

I don't have an easy answer, but I do have some ideas on things you can do to go through this effectively. First of all, I would recommend Daniel Mackler's free website www.wildtruth.net and his youtube channel, which are filled with helpful ideas and knowledge about childhood trauma and recovery. I can also say that I have found it helpful to keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings, and take some time every day to get into your body and identify your feelings. Have you considered going to see a therapist? You may find some relief in professional help. If you're considering that, there's a good podcast about finding a therapist that meets your needs, it's FDR1927: How to find a great therapist.

 

I just want to again state my empathy for what you're going through and I hope that my post helped you in any way and that you get to the place you want to be.

[Flake]

Distinguishing between a root cause and a symptom is difficult because a symptom may be a root cause for some other problem. You can try taking a symptom then asking what caused it (to avoid confusion we'll call the answer to this one A), then ask what caused A (the answer will be B), then ask what caused B (answer C), and ask what caused C. Keep doing this and eventually you'll reach a point where you don't know or start repeating yourself and then you'll have some idea of what the root of that problem is.

[AccuTron]

I found very good results with a therapist.  First there was a long sequence of weekly sessions, which provided the major discovery/education, then some tuneups along the way, spanning several years.  During our last visit, then a rare thing, due to an outside crisis, he said "We're done."  And he was correct.  

His approach was to let me speak, suggest very little, but would steer me now and then, like an experienced hand occasionally moving a boat tiller just a bit, or an experienced guide at a fork in the road suggesting which direction.  

With any decent personal awareness applied to your revelations along the way -- notice that I say awareness, and not actions, which might be a mistake -- it then becomes a matter of time.  

Not unlike an injury to a ligament, it takes a long time to rearrange a jillion brain connections.  I've also become aware, after the fact, that our brains actually know more than they tell us, which sounds weird but is true.  There's an unconscious master element, like a building project manager, that says "Yup, gonna' take six months on that one, and about two years on that phase."  Which turns out to be true.  

So what you need more than anything is faith.  In a religious context that is powerful, but in a secular one, it also works.  Again after the fact, I now see this so clearly.  

When I had ignorance and pain, when I could see no hope, I took it on faith that something good might happen that I could not then understand.  I kept proper toothbrushing and flossing, which sounds odd, but those acts are saying "I need to keep my teeth healthy for the future."  That statement is an act of faith, a small but effective way to practice.  Along with other known healthy habits.  Then be patient.  It's a slow-growing result, but it does grow.  

You might have really good revelations along the way, and I caution you to not get so over-excited that you loose perspective.  When we are MOST excited is when we should do nothing.  And never ever think you've got it all figured out.  There are always other larger views ahead.  My therapist said it was "like a spiral" meaning an upward spiral, like a bird gets a good view, but spirals up again and gets a bigger view.  You'll know when you're mostly done.  If you're not sure, then you have a gift, to think that yet more goodness, yet unseen, lies ahead.

(A powerful PS: someone told me that the Devil works through temptation and doubt.  Doubt is the opposite of faith.  When you feel doubt, know that it's a temporary fever and calmly and willfully try to diminish it's power over you.  Like any practice, you will discover over time that you get better at it.)

[Jami]

Talking about your problems is the first step to overcoming them. I applaud your bravery. First things first though! I recommend you talking to a therapist to allow further insight to how you feel and utilizing the right strategies to overcome this difficulty you're living with. You can overcome this and be a person that looks at life with a glimmer in your eye. That glimmer may have been tarnished through all the pain you have been through but I believe you can get through this. Do the right thing and find yourself a good therapist and start the uphill journey to a better future.