is it possible to work with a sociopath and not go insane?

[The Wall]

I work with one at a corporation. Hes always saying verbally abusive things about other people and propagandizing people, trying to divide people by making up stories, and loves humiluating people and finds other people crying funny. But this guy is often paired with me as we work in similar departments. If I explained what he does, I think it will go over their head or they wont care.....

[STer]

Are you familiar with this book?

 

Snakes in Suits

 

Perhaps it will be worth reading.

[Armitage]

Do you have a Human Resources department at your work which would be interested in such an information?

[The Wall]

Armitage, yes but I dont sant ti pursue. I am fearful I may lose my job. I also fear I will lose respect from your other people. Theres over ninety people that work here. Im sure other people are irritated and confused around him as I am, but if I tell then management will kniw I follow the rules, and our relationship will pribably crumble. Im at work now, im gonna start off small and tell him I dont like heaeing the verbal abuse of ithers. He will probably find that hilarious and continue to do it around me, so as to say "fuck you", which is better than him relyijg n me to listen to his shit. There is no salvation or solution with him directly, he is constwntly doing this kind of stuff to everyone. He makes up stories about people by using what he know you despise and pretending the other person has thise negative qualities. The thing is, if I tell him I know this, its annoying because then he completely changes and pretends hes just like yu and your defenses are lowered and he does the same thing over again. Its all a game, it reminds me if the movie predator, where the alien is invisible and camoflaged within nature. He tries to be like you because he figures youll like yourself. I just cant fucking stand it though, but he also oikes getting peole angry, he figures the first persn too get angry, loses. This is where my problem lies, I have an above average amount of fear and anger in confrntar ions and I dont want to use it on a troll oike sadist who irgasms over it, but its also a oanguage he desnt speak. He never gets angry ever, but then flexing my anger around him may scare others off at work. So reaooy its oike a war if yiur reputation with others. I want ti say forget it I dont caee I need ti stand up for myself, I mean I really dnt, I understand most people are pretty much pro-violence and go foe whoever is just more elloquent or charming, their sort of like sugar to ants with people. I find charm to be skeptical over, while others massage themselves with a blindfold to these peopoe! But I dont know, this is very important and its hard to stay strong believe ng isolated in standing up to him but im give nna start with continuqlly speaking my mind. I also cant confide in him whatsoever. You dont try ti get close to asnake! But anything I di tell him or he finds out I will just know hes gonna use it as a weapon or psychological tactic to woe or soothe me into his propaganda.

[Wesley]

Armitage, yes but I dont sant ti pursue. I am fearful I may lose my job. I also fear I will lose respect from your other people. Theres over ninety people that work here. Im sure other people are irritated and confused around him as I am, but if I tell then management will kniw I follow the rules, and our relationship will pribably crumble. Im at work now, im gonna start off small and tell him I dont like heaeing the verbal abuse of ithers. He will probably find that hilarious and continue to do it around me, so as to say "fuck you", which is better than him relyijg n me to listen to his shit. There is no salvation or solution with him directly, he is constwntly doing this kind of stuff to everyone. He makes up stories about people by using what he know you despise and pretending the other person has thise negative qualities. The thing is, if I tell him I know this, its annoying because then he completely changes and pretends hes just like yu and your defenses are lowered and he does the same thing over again. Its all a game, it reminds me if the movie predator, where the alien is invisible and camoflaged within nature. He tries to be like you because he figures youll like yourself. I just cant fucking stand it though, but he also oikes getting peole angry, he figures the first persn too get angry, loses. This is where my problem lies, I have an above average amount of fear and anger in confrntar ions and I dont want to use it on a troll oike sadist who irgasms over it, but its also a oanguage he desnt speak. He never gets angry ever, but then flexing my anger around him may scare others off at work. So reaooy its oike a war if yiur reputation with others. I want ti say forget it I dont caee I need ti stand up for myself, I mean I really dnt, I understand most people are pretty much pro-violence and go foe whoever is just more elloquent or charming, their sort of like sugar to ants with people. I find charm to be skeptical over, while others massage themselves with a blindfold to these peopoe! But I dont know, this is very important and its hard to stay strong believe ng isolated in standing up to him but im give nna start with continuqlly speaking my mind. I also cant confide in him whatsoever. You dont try ti get close to asnake! But anything I di tell him or he finds out I will just know hes gonna use it as a weapon or psychological tactic to woe or soothe me into his propaganda.

This sounds to me like passive-aggressive behavior. He is incredibly angry, but thinks anger is wrong. He illicits the anger in others constantly and then rejects it by laughing.

 

I would not confront him on the idea that he is performing this behavior. Either he will see it is making you angry and that will feed his addiction, or you will trip his underlying rage in which you should be very scared oof what may happen.

 

You should try to do whatever you can to mninimize your exposure, ask to be moved somewhere else, ask for you to not be paired with him. I am sure something could be worked out.

 

Why would you pointing out someone is abusive or just express the preference of working with someone else make you lose respect or lose your job?

[Armitage]

What about starting an anonymous web discussion about the jerk? Spread around the office some links, start with people you trust...

[The Wall]

Wesley, Astute observation.... you see, its difficult though, because hes very charming. I dont know if youve had this experience, but he learns what you like and he pretends hes like that, then he also finds what people dislike and spreads rumors as if he is oblivious and with you emotionally when hes reallu soing it purposely. For instance, hell say "oh he has no intregity, you know that?" "Hes got absolutely no integrity", "no integrity, he has no integrity." He told me rhia after we had a discussion about peraonal integrity four days earlier. He also openly talks about how hes writing abouy everybody in the breakroom, and that we are all charactera in his movie. His weakness,

[Wesley]

Wesley, Astute observation.... you see, its difficult though, because hes very charming. I dont know if youve had this experience, but he learns what you like and he pretends hes like that, then he also finds what people dislike and spreads rumors as if he is oblivious and with you emotionally when hes reallu soing it purposely. For instance, hell say "oh he has no intregity, you know that?" "Hes got absolutely no integrity", "no integrity, he has no integrity." He told me rhia after we had a discussion about peraonal integrity four days earlier. He also openly talks about how hes writing abouy everybody in the breakroom, and that we are all charactera in his movie. His weakness,

I think you may have hit enter before you finished your thought.

 

However, if you know this about this person, then why would you share personal information or beliefs? Why are you even talking to them?

 

You also didn't answer why you thought there would be reprecussions at your job for asking to not be around him. I am curious as to that answer.

[The Wall]

His weakness, like you said though, is also a double edged sword. I notice he geta enraged at the slightwst auggestion or observation, and registers anything as a slight. You cant wven talk to other people when youre around him, he oftwnly assumes youre talking about him, then he projects his inner critic onto ypu. This is qhat my dad did to me growing up, and if I triggered it he would threaten me with death and abandonment, etc. So theres that experiencw rhat works to his favor. I think not working in the same department is the best thing that could be done, however it wont change thay we still work in the same byilding. He easily finds what peoples weaknesses are, then ezploits them. For instance, if you dont chex k up on your employees as a boss, hell disappear and be flirting with customers, or in the bathroom, or even the breakroom. If you believe stories or expkainat ions ons easily, hell prepare an explanation for you. Its so annoying and painful. My back is stiff, I often dind myself fighting resentment and fending off the xontradictions he spews, kind of like now, but theae people are evwrywhere and im very reailient, but what do I do? I think im gonna start with telling my boss that I cant work with him, but then hes gonna syart spreading stories to othera, essentially poisoning the well, saying that I cant be worked with or im not cooperative, or hell just talk highly badly about me to people after hes gained their trust. The problem is, he already does this im sure, but will more if im not his bitch, or at least pretend to be. I dont talk to others much and he knows this so I think he uses that against me. Today he wasnt working, and I easily got along and chatted with people, but when hea in, hell talk loudly and play into peoples weaknesses. Like hell talk about how his own feet smell good to certain people very loudly, with an overly high pitched laugh, then look at others and they will laugh passively, but then if its someone who asks a random quesrion he qill just answer but then use it as a chance to talk about something very negative about another peraon, usually he makes an indirect argument about sonething you disagreed with him with to another employee when youe e around. If I argue with him directly, others will be provoked into inner fqmily mecosystem conflicts. I work an entey level job, with mostly young people who are rebellious and eqsily leqd on. I dont want to competw with him or play his game, I just want him to leave me the hell alone. So, even after im sure im assigned to work without him, he will still spread these rumors. Plus, theres another xonflict, I dont have many friends, so qhen I use ostracism on him, its nearly impossible and I feel even morw distant from people, because hes talking crap about ke to others, and then im angry for not bwing able to do anyrhing about it and knowing it. He does all these things which are hard to prove, and rely on his or others honesty. I was thinking eqrlier to add to this, the best thing to do is to play it safe. For example, I hears him bedore say "did you ask him if hes lonely?", after an associate had approached me and asked me if I was lonely, which I assumed was sent by him. The rhing is is I cant prove this, but I know its true. Im interested in proving it so he doesnt twll others im paranoid and people believe him or the people he picks will play dumb and then through numbers, he may get overall social approval at my expense. Im very worried about that, but I think most people sont care to be honest. I mean, youll always have people who are into drama, but most people wont care overall. And the ones into drama dont carw abouy whethet what is said is true, just if theres an emotional reactiob that makes them feel dominant or in control, or that causes tension for them to have meqning in their life. So I think, which is what I did before, the beat thing to do is ignore him and play his game when I have to deal with him, but make it so he has to spend a ton of energy in orser to talk or do anything wth me. Ill just keep asking him questions. He hates questions because he feels the laughing heads of humiliation and shame for not knowing an answer, so ill have to provoke that within him contonually, whicj then I can dog him if he rages. I cant confront him dirextly, ive tried it before and what happens is he juat plays dumb and laughs. For instance, he pretended to accidently knee me one time after I said something to someone else, vut I believe he thought I meant it to him, or overall the content was perverse to him. I within ten seconds went right up to his face and said "dont hit me ever again", and he gave me that foolish silly look I just cant stand, then I told my supervisor what happened and she said shes talk to him. He hasnt hit me since. Although, there was another incident, where he threw an uppercut to my ballsack, but a foot infront of it, this was after he said somethinf that was obciouslt contradictory and I lookes over to the le ft. This was traumatic to me. I repkayed the scenerio in my head like ten times so I knew what to do next time. He did this to several other people as well. But I will just continue what I did bedore. I will ignore him, he has no inner life and projects his inner critic to everyone else instead if himself. Its overly harsh and very unrealistic and cruel he laughs when he hears little babies cry, just absolutely vicious and twisted stuff, at least wmotiinally theres that possibility.Wesley, nothing more than social xonsequences and him spreading false rumors. If im honest about why im moving, "he threw an upperxut to my ballsack in the past", "he disappears continually and rushes through work, I find I have to continually redo over the "work", he did. Unfortunately for my sake, I sometimes want to know his tricks so I have a better assessment for what he thinks so I can dedend myself. So we trade information about ourselves. I was also very socially isolated this day and my desire dor human connection was strong. After I write for a while, I find I want to socialize, or if I read for a while and meditate, usually when all my needa are met, something similar to hazlows needa chart or something, but im done. Although ive said this before, the stajes are too high. Ilk give him only simple information about myself that is work related, but only if there is a prusent reason to. This will be somewhat disarming and alarming to him. When I ignore him he just makes these noises like hes hurt or clearing his throat so I look at him, and then pretends like he just noticed me in that moment and says hi. Everything is indirecr with him. Im so angry just thinking about this im probably gonna beat the crap out of the ground today with a rubber hollow pipe. How do I deal with this berzerk individual?Wesley, nothing more than social xonsequences and him spreading false rumors. If im honest about why im moving, "he threw an upperxut to my ballsack in the past", "he disappears continually and rushes through work, I find I have to continually redo over the "work", he did. Unfortunately for my sake, I sometimes want to know his tricks so I have a better assessment for what he thinks so I can dedend myself. So we trade information about ourselves. I was also very socially isolated this day and my desire dor human connection was strong. After I write for a while, I find I want to socialize, or if I read for a while and meditate, usually when all my needa are met, something similar to hazlows needa chart or something, but im done. Although ive said this before, the stajes are too high. Ilk give him only simple information about myself that is work related, but only if there is a prusent reason to. This will be somewhat disarming and alarming to him. When I ignore him he just makes these noises like hes hurt or clearing his throat so I look at him, and then pretends like he just noticed me in that moment and says hi. Everything is indirecr with him. Im so angry just thinking about this im probably gonna beat the crap out of the ground today with a rubber hollow pipe. How do I deal with this berzerk individual?Armitage, I dont want to. I dont really care about what others think of me, generqlly speaking, like he does. Im just concerned with self-defense, or in other words, revealing his tainting tactics to other people. I think what im gonna start doing is telling other people.what I think hes doing, like I kind of am here, so that there is an opposing narrative. But, I have only an idea of who he tqlks to and if they even remeber, thats whats so tiresome and stressful about it. This is ewting away at my energy and I think kind of the point. But, I dont want to put everybody in a mediator position, or make them into some form of debate moderator or whatever, or counsellor for the both of us, or, really, what its realky like, is the letter "V". You figure the point in the middle is the seperate third party, and a v would be tqo seperate lines without it. This is my point, he only communicates indirectly, unless he already has your attentiin. He rarely ever takes the chance of saying hi to you in case you ignore him. This is also partly why I chatted with him before because it was getting.annoying with how he spent so much time avoiding me. But I will just say hi, not confide personal beliefs, thats foolish hes a predator, hes an emotionally toxic magician. Someone who thinks crying and anger is funny, and being charming is the height of wisdom, and appearing to be very confident the other crux of personhood, is a damaged good capable of much destruction. Hes so over confident, I cant atand it. I think this is somewhat personal, but im somewhat envious of his ability to be so superficial and charming. He never expresses doubt or hesitation, expressing those characteristica and he will have already lost you and pribably think of tou as inferior.Sorry, I know this is wrong, I want as much feedback as possible though. I really appreciaye you guys help. Heres a list of his characteristics:Charming, confident, elloquent, good short term memory, good at dividing people into conflicts, good at recognizing weaknesses and blind spots in people.and provoking those weaknesses then controlling the environment to their advantage.For instance, when I first started working here I opened up myself deeply, figuring it would be a good way to test the waters. I know this to be wrong now, and its better to observe others friends and interactions and maybe ask questions or just mention a few things lightly, to minimize the expense of a volatile reaction until these people.and.if any of these people.pass the trust and consistent healthy threshhold. Also, its rewlly awkward in my line of work to be rmotionally open becausr of the trwfficking of customers is very great. You also dont want to step on other peoples toes. I think work should be work, but bei mg pight and having fun, well thats another topic. So, anyway, I was embarassed to answet questions and show my strongly opionated parta to him, so whenevet I made a knowledge claim, like "I liked this part of the movie", he eventually realized I would blush if I was put on the spot that way. So, I expected him to do this and just spoke confidently and was warm to the idea and didnt blush, because I knew I wouldnt be misunderstood either. Most of the problems I had qas being way to vulnerable and provocative, talking about family abuse in front of groups of people is highly embarassi ng if youre then interpreted as just trying to be a victim or something. Well, what ive understood is that I can just mention things whicheverybody can talk about on a neutral level. So, more characteristics,He likes to knoe what your bounderies are, then he will act against them with malicious attempt and then fog you...Either by taking equipmrnt your using, puting his workload on your equipment or assigning you a job when he has no right to tell you. If you tell him no, hell say he does you fsvors all the time or something, so then I have to work to comtinually dind exceptions in what hes saying. I think this however is the only way to do it.Here is my formula for action thus far:Ask him as many questions as possible whenever I suspect unconscious stuff being projected onto me, so then we will be talking about whats important, or we'll be talking less often or both, bexause he will feel like a vulnerable child, something that deflayes his fragile ego.I will also continually say hi to him, but then he will pretend he didnt hewr me if he wants and I will just tell him "you can ask me questions you know", or "I think your just pretending not to hear me so you have my attention", but im also scared to do this. Im scared of his rage which he demonstrates regurally to people eho point him out on the spot. This is wherr im unsure. Hes said to another employee, "ill.hit you with this", or something violent. If he does that, im just gonna have to tell. I would just rather avoid that. I dont want to also be terminayed because I am one of the associates along him that are involved. The last job I had I reported my manager fir saying she would cut off another associates balls. I was fired a week after this. Im fearful this will happen to me again..... oh god...

Are you familiar with this book?Snakes in SuitsIve read "A Sociopath Next Door" and "The Psychopath's Bible", I think at this point, I dont need more broad intellectual.knowledge, but more specific knowledge about the individual.and how it plays into my insecurities and an avenue to take to overcome this.Perhaps it will be worth reading.

[STer]

The Wall,

 

Just to let you know, Snakes in Suits is more specific to your situation since it's about the workplace. And it also specifically talks about the risks and strategies when you're in a situation like this.

 

Also, check out this organization. There might be someone there willing to advise you on this situation.

 

It's a really tough situation and people who know about this topic understand just how tough it is. But others have been in it before and hopefully you can get advice from someone who is expert in this.

[The Wall]

Yea I checked it out, kinda deserted site but some informatiin wqs helpful.

[STer]

Here is another organization that might be helpful.

 

And my point with these organizations wasn't for you to just read their websites. It was to get in touch and ask if they have any references for someone who could advise you.

 

In fact, perhaps the best avenue of all would be to see if they can refer you to a therapist who understands these topics well that you can actually work with both on your own well-being and on how to best respond to the situation.

 

As you probably understand, someone who isn't well-versed in the subject probably will give poor advice on your situation, however well-intentioned, so you want someone who understands how people like this operate.