Raising a multilanguage child - FDR2531

[Renza]

I was listening to this podcast, FDR2531, with the first call from Manny, about raising a multilanguage child. 
 

I grew up in Italy, raised bilingual (French/Italian). I met my English husband in France. We've been living in the UK since our first child was born, 17 years ago. 

I speak Italian with my two boys, French with my husband; my husband speaks English with our children. 

My boys are nicely trilingual (also for the written part); we stay in touch and go and visit my family regularly both in France and Italy. They also know the culture and appreciate the sense of humour behind each language, which is fun for us as a family. Although it's a bit isolating. 

We didn't plan it; it's just the way our family is. 

 

Manny, if you're there and you'd like to know more, feel free to ask. 

Best wishes!

[CrazyCanuck]

That's real nice.  Stefan is right about one thing.  I used to speak and write Korean quite well, although I was six when I  moved to Canada from South, Korea.  My parents used more English that Korean because I couldn't understand them.  You do need keep up at the skills.  Whatever you don't you use you can lose at some level.

[Renza]

 It can happen, but it didn't happen to me. I never lost any French or Italian, as I keep on having Italian and French family and friends. I noticed that children who lose one language are those from multilingual families where parents are not "precise". Stef was speaking of the idea of having a "common language". We don't.   We can all understand our three languages, and we can't change and talk to each other in a different language than the one we are used to. If for example I started to speak English with my children they would feel almost embarrassed. It would be disturbing for all of us. Language has also an emotional value. I've also never had a "common language" with my family of origin: it was French with my mother and Italian with my father, French between them. It has never changed. 

[Armitage]

I grew up definitely bilingual, maybe trilingual, actually sort of quatrilingual. I grew up on the borders with multi-national family and a local distinct dialect. Sometimes I felt it drives me crazy, to talk in a different language or dialect to my mother, father, brothers, grandmother... It just didn't feel right to talk to them in a language that is not their own. Each to their own! 

The crazy thing was when they got together. It made arguing impossible. It didn't feel right to address one and have another barge in with a different language or dialect. And it felt even more wrong to use the official national language, which is my favorite, actually. It just didn't feel right. I don't know if it was a nationalistic sentiment or something, but I lived in a place that used to be stolen by my homeland, so the locals speak a little differently. Holy crap, that is messed up. I think I got over this a little when I moved out of the house to study, even more when my family broke up, let's say I don't care about my dad's language any more, that makes things simplier. 

 

Does anyone else think that multi-lingual upbringing is confusing and bad for the child? No, not the languages, they don't get confusing or too difficult, not at all. Switching between them is confusing. Keeping track of family members is confusing. Feeling the disapproval, hesitation or ironical remarks of a family member addressed in a wrong language is not a nice experience.

 

Well, I wouldn't take it to the extreme - actually, English is my hobby and if I had children, I'd want to raise them bilingual, the national language and English. Learning English was the best thing i did in my life, it is as if I learned to read, write and speak for the second (fifth?) time, this time the right language, that has all the information, fun, science and money in it. A global language. I only wish there were computers and internet earlier, so that I'd save many years of learning in vain, inefficiently at school. You don't learn by studying, you learn by doing what you love in that language.

 

 

So how does one raise a multi-lingual child? Should I be the English parent? Ah, silly me. Why didn't I ask Google first? I'm going on it. Of course I'll ask in English. I wish my potential future children were able to use Google properly, in English. I don't want them to be forced to speak in some kind of archaic local dialect that only stifles the mind, that is impossible to use when speaking about science, politics, or anything intelligent. I was never much into linguistics like some philosophers, but now that I think of that, it might explain why I met so few educated people in my region.

 

Before you think I am some sort of linguistic genius, just think the languages are all from neighboring countries of the western Slavonic group and so they are extremely similar, probably just about as French, Spanish, Italian and Portugese. English is the only truly foreign language I know and I know it anyway second best besides the national one. The others I'm not good at anymore, it's mostly a passive knowledge.

[Kaki]

Thank you Renza for bringing this up!

 

My boyfriend and I speak different languages as well and while we are learning each others language we communicate in English.

Once we plan on having children this subject will concern us as well, so I think this is very interesting.

 

I would love to hear more about your experiences if you would like to share!

I'd be particularly interested in hearing how your children got fluent in reading and writing several languages.

Did you homeschool?

Did your children (or yourself) ever favor one language over the other?

Which language do your kids speak to each other or do they switch?

 

Another point I am curious about is your personal experience growing up bilingual.

In which language are your inner dialogues for example? (Is this more based on subjects or people?)

When you think about your mother for example, do you think about her in French?

 

Looking forward to hear from you!

 

 

[Josh F]

I have some friends, the Dad is Italian and the Mom is Dutch, and they both speak Spanish with their child.  They also both speak English, with me, but not as much with their kid because they're less versatile.  I started talking to this kid in English, it is one of the most amazing things to see as he just casually picks up English.  He knew a few nouns and pronouns initially, and now it is interesting watching him think through and then make complete sentences. 

 

My parents put me in a daycare as a child with a latina woman and I came home speaking some Spanish (I've been told).  It is sad they didn't encourage it more, I remember them complimenting my ability to learn new languages often, but now as an adult trying to finally learn a second language I suck!!  Thankfully I learned some programming languages back when my brain was more pliable. 

[Renza]

Learning another language as an adult is almost impossible for me as well! I tried with Japanese! 

 

Armitage, I had a similar experience living between two countries. I grew up in Turin, Italy, and we have a family home in a mountain village which is in France now, but it was in Italy before 1947. We had: local dialect from the village + regional dialect + official languages (French / Italian). On top of that I studied Spanish and English at school.   
My father grew up in that border village. When it was taken by France, from one day to the next, the school teacher was suddenly French (and scary).   Everything was suddenly French (names of the roads...). So they decided to leave, rejecting the French nationality, and moved to Turin. Then my father married a French girl. 

 

Kaki, my older boy is homeschooled now, but he's 17. They both went to UK schools. If I could go back, with the things I learned with FDR, I would have homeschooled/unschooled. 

They learned to write Italian just by watching cartoons on TV or reading books. It has an easy spelling system; once you know the rules, it's always the same. French is a lot more complicated, but they do French at school, and they learned how to write. In that school they can take their Italian exams privately, without following lessons. They also do Spanish at school, which is easy for them thanks to their Italian.   

It seems that you have a similar situation: the language of the parents, and each parent a different language with the (future) children.    Is your language Swedish? And your boyfriend's? 

 

My children and I favour Italian, because this is what we're used to speak between us. They use English between them. And English is stronger (because of the school). French is a bit weaker for them because they only hear it when I speak to my husband. Although we have French friends here, and we regularly go to France. 

For me, my two languages are about the same level, although Italian is slightly favoured, as I grew up in Italy, with Italian schooling. But I went to study and work in France when I was 19. French people can't tell that I'm also Italian, and Italian people can't tell that I'm also French.   
 

My inner dialogues can be in both languages, but more often in Italian. It depends what I think. If it's something that my mother used to say to me, I will say that thing to myself in French. I had never thought about it before. It may be more clear for me where my "inner voices" are coming from! 

Yes, I always think about my mother "in French". 

 

When I say that it can be isolating, it's because we can't be "natural" when people around don't understand our three languages. As we don't like to switch, we avoid speaking (between us) in front of people who don't understand.   

[Armitage]

Learning another language as an adult is almost impossible for me as well! I tried with Japanese!   It seems that you have a similar situation: the language of the parents, and each parent a different language with the (future) children.    Is your language Swedish? And your boyfriend's?

Your response is so affectionate!   It looks like the many languages don't cause you nearly as much trouble as I thought.

My language is Czech. And I'm not much into boyfriends, girlfriends are my thing. But actually, it would come natural to me, if I married an English-speaking woman. That would solve many problems. I've never been very social, not good with social context. So I'd love to marry someone who is a stranger as well, the strangeness would be right on the table where we can embrace it. I want to be a legitimate stranger.I think English is a wonderful thing to have in common with someone, if nothing else. 

My children and I favour Italian, because this is what we're used to speak between us. They use English between them. And English is stronger (because of the school). French is a bit weaker for them because they only hear it when I speak to my husband. Although we have French friends here, and we regularly go to France. For me, my two languages are about the same level, although Italian is slightly favoured, as I grew up in Italy, with Italian schooling. But I went to study and work in France when I was 19. French people can't tell that I'm also Italian, and Italian people can't tell that I'm also French.    My inner dialogues can be in both languages, but more often in Italian. It depends what I think. If it's something that my mother used to say to me, I will say that thing to myself in French. I had never thought about it before. It may be more clear for me where my "inner voices" are coming from!  :woot:Yes, I always think about my mother "in French".  When I say that it can be isolating, it's because we can't be "natural" when people around don't understand our three languages. As we don't like to switch, we avoid speaking (between us) in front of people who don't understand.

Well, not understanding is certainly a problem. But what if they do understand? Doesn't it feel impolite to you speaking to someone in a different but similar language? After all, if you're a part of one family then isn't using different languages driving the family apart? Or do you have so good relationships, that you don't notice who's speaking what?

[Renza]

Well, not understanding is certainly a problem. But what if they do understand? Doesn't it feel impolite to you speaking to someone in a different but similar language? After all, if you're a part of one family then isn't using different languages driving the family apart? Or do you have so good relationships, that you don't notice who's speaking what?

 

If they understand, there's no problem. We have some friends who can understand our three languages. But of course it's rare over here (UK). I happens often in Italy though. People generally understand English, and in my region many people also understand French. They're generally amused.   As an example with family.... When we go to my in-laws.. They're English. We obviously all speak English with them. But if I need to tell something to my sons, I'll use Italian. I'm not going to have a long conversation with them in Italian though, in front of my English in-laws. When I was a child, my best friends, the ones who spent more time in my house, learned French just by hearing me talk to my mother.    

Your response is so affectionate!   It looks like the many languages don't cause you nearly as much trouble as I thought.

 

 Not too much. But it can sound crazy. Once we were in a café in Italy, speaking our three languages in a same conversation, and some people from another table said to us: "Sorry, but what are you??". 

Another funny thing is that we can understand Salvatore from "The Name of the Rose", the character who speaks mixing various languages. 

 

http://youtu.be/ido2OcD8kvg