Child Nagging and Negotiating article

[Culain]

http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parenting/end-child-nagging-negotiating-with-just-three-simple-words

 

Your thoughts? This just doesn't settle well with me.

[Ruben Zandstra]

Nothing wrong with a hole in the frontyard ... if you prepared well as a parent you probably have a big yard.

 

The example given is pretty insultive in my opinion. "Your child wants to dig a giant hole in the front yard", it wants to have ice cream for breakfast.

Your child is an idiot, to be brief.

We are not going to even ask what the reason for any of this is, we are not going to side with the kid on principle, deciding against certain things in some cases, explain and god forbid negotiate.

We want to be left alone after the first "No".

Your child is a moron, it is digging holes the way dogs do all the time, who cares. Just make it stop. Here's how.

[MysterionMuffles]

This just seems like anti children propaganda and basically discpuraging negotation which makes for a better parenting experience

To hell with that article!

[LanceD]

Seems fine to me. I don't personally use it, even though we have a particularly energetic and persistent boy, and neither does my wife but I can see its value. Some people just don't have the patience to discuss every answer, particularly the same answer to repeat questions, and this gives them a tool that the child understands and allows the parent to quickly navigate a situation that could result in a lost temper.

 

Really since it doesn't involve some sort of bribe, misinformation or authoritarian style response even if its not "the best" it's far from bad or destructive.

 

Though I would encourage someone to spend enough time around a very energetic young boy before judging this method too harshly.

[tjt]

I just came across this thread/article and am intrigued.

 

My lofty response: I understand that children are naturally persistent, but I don't think this is a good approach. It's basically suggesting that you break their spirit. To take this approach with your child will teach him to give up too easily. In the real world (and especially in the business world) "no" doesn't necessarily mean "no." For example, you're negotiating a contract with a potential client, and they say they can't sign the contract because the price is too high-- "no, we can't sign that." In most scenarios like this, you'd be a 'bad' business owner to just give up, but that's all this little boy will know how to do because his mom overpowered him time and time again. (In fact, he'd never get to this point because becoming a business owner takes persistance, even when people tell you "no." He will have been defeated long before he even got close to owning his own business.) A good business owner would come back at the client and say "well I know you were unhappy about this particular clause, so how about we adjust it like so... now how do you feel about the dollar amount?"

 

My concrete response: Now I think I can address the parenting approach in current time, rather than forecasting how it will effect the child in the long haul.

 

-First, how big of a hole will a 7 year old child be able to dig? The article says "giant," pfff. If the boy is able to dig a giant hole and has the attention span, focus, determination and strength to spend a few days on it, good on him! Maybe after that he can help his parents build a pond!

 

-Second, if the boy has nothing to do but dig holes in the yard, his parents are failing him. Help him find another fun way to spend his time!

[corpus mentium]

I tried reading the article but I had this problem where some of the words kinda morphed and swirled and I couldn't help but see the article like this:

 

End parent nagging & negotiating with just three simple words

 

When it comes to persistence, few things compare to a parent nagging and negotiating to try and get what she wants. And few people know that better than a child who has given that parent an answer they don’t want to hear.

 

…

 

Parent nagging is a learned behavior that parents of any age can pick up. They might continue to use it because once, in a moment of weakness, you caved and went to bed after they asked for the eighth time.

 

But like any learned behavior, parent nagging can be unlearned.

 

...

 

It only takes three simple words: “Asked and Answered.”

 

The concept is simple. When thirty-seven-year-old Mommy begs you to go to bed and gets “no” for an answer, chances are she’ll be back in five minutes asking again – this time with a “pleeeeeeaase” just so you know she really, really wants you to go to bed.

Instead of repeating yourself or jumping in to a lecture, avoid parent nagging by getting eye to eye and follow the process below:

 

Step One: Ask, “Have you ever heard of ‘Asked and Answered’?” (She’ll probably say no.)

Step Two: Ask, “Did you ask me a question about going to bed?” (She’ll say yes.)

Step Three: Ask, “Did I answer it?” (She’ll probably say, “Yes, but, I really ….”)

Step Four: Ask, “Do I look like the kind of son/daughter/student who will change her/his mind if you ask me the same thing over and over?” (Chances are Mommy will walk away, maybe with a frustrated grunt, and engage in something else.)

Step Five: If Mommy asks again, simply say, “Asked and Answered.” (No other words are necessary!) Once this technique has been established, these are the only words you should need to say to address nagging questions.

 

Consistency is key!

 

Etc. 

 

End negotiation? Really? And (this is just my thought) isn't nagging likely a symptom of a child expressing dissatisfaction in a win-lose scenario?

 

I don't have any kids of my own, so I would love to hear from parents with practical experience about their take on the OP's article. To me it seems like an asshole thing to do to a kid. Just stonewall them and they will go away like you always wanted... Don't even try to talk with your kid and actually negotiate something both sides can be happy with.