A reason I'm avoiding getting a job.

[nickhk]

Train of thought prior to:  I find many of Generation Y seem to be directionless, or suffer from any number of psychological conditions, diagnosed or otherwise self imposed, as the result of childhood trauma inflicted on them.  I think in part it has to do with absence of fathers and positive male role models growing up. 

 

The thought:  The only thing my dad would talk about when it came to work, was what a pain in the ass it was.

 

The train cars following:  He worked for the state, so not a big surprise there now, but the formerly subconscious moral was that working sucks, side projects are more fun.  That's the theme from my childhood.  Thanks dad!

 

Side projects are where I do have fun, and my bachelors degree and experience gained from those projects makes me a reasonable candidate for jobs which are remarkably similar to my hobby and side projects.

 

Man, brain is looking out for me.  Non-sequiturs man, my brain connects trains.  Was it projection?  Yes, but then I stood in front of the projector, and sure enough, it's on me too.

 

I'm really excited to have connected these things.  I take a lot of pride in it.  It's shifting the responsibility around, so I know the part of me that's saying I'm not going to like working is a dad narrative.  So cool.

 

Thanks for reading!  What are your thoughts?

[MysterionMuffles]

Hm that opened my eyes to a few things. I'm underemployed at the moment and have always had a strange relationship with money. Examining your parents influence is such a quick way to figure out the root of some problems. I totally identify with you here. My parents didn't work for the state, but they also portrayed relationships with work and money in a way that didn't make those things appealing to me.

 

They weren't distraught with their work, rather with the idea of having to go to work to sustain the kids they don't even interact with. Reading your post is getting me on the path of the right line of thinking. Money was always seemed scarce in my family so I developed a scarcity complex around it.

 

Any time I had a lot of money, I would spend a huge portion of it when I first started working a full time job. Getting my materialistic needs met, I was able to learn how to save, but that warehouse job I had was taxing emotionally and intellectually, so I quit. That was back in 2009, and since then have been underemployed through a variety of family members making just enough to get by.

 

But of course I've gotten tired of living within means and would like to extend what my means can be. This post also reminds me of how some of my self esteem issues due to not having a "real" job stems from my parents emphasis on HAVING TO work as an adult, in order to be whole and functional.

 

So thanks for your post, made me look inward also and gave me a lot to think about.

[cynicist]

It's not just parents. I remember hearing that stuff all throughout school. "Oh don't complain, you have it easy, wait until you get into the REAL world". Working is not as bad as I thought as a kid but it does concern me what kind of crap people were saying around me when I was younger. Good to hear you made the connection though, it is certainly satisfying to separate what is you from what others put into you.

 

 

 

They weren't distraught with their work, rather with the idea of having to go to work to sustain the kids they don't even interact with.

 

Doesn't that seem so weird? Sounds like your parents (like most people) are on autopilot doing what they think they are supposed to do instead of what they want. Like the 'American Dream' programming, as if getting a house, career, and kids is part of some voodoo checklist that once completed will fill the empty voids where their hearts are supposed to be. I don't mean to exaggerate I just remember thinking as a kid that my mom was a robot, that she was trying to stick to the 'mother' script as much as possible and any deviation from it would lead to a short circuit in the brain. 

[MysterionMuffles]

Good to hear you made the connection though, it is certainly satisfying to separate what is you from what others put into you.

 

Oh man definitely! Took me years to understand where my anger came from. It was like at some age I completely forgot about the abuse and neglect, and thought I was just inherently a bad kid. Guess that's what indoctrination would do to you. When I retraced my childhood it was painful, but also enlivening to know that there was a logical cause and effect for my behaviour.

 

And I hate that "wait til you get into the real world," it's like, bitch, set me into it then instead of wasting my time in this education factory.

[tasmlab]

 

And I hate that "wait til you get into the real world," it's like, bitch, set me into it then instead of wasting my time in this education factory.

 

That's great!

[nickhk]

Hm that opened my eyes to a few things. I'm underemployed at the moment and have always had a strange relationship with money. Examining your parents influence is such a quick way to figure out the root of some problems. I totally identify with you here. My parents didn't work for the state, but they also portrayed relationships with work and money in a way that didn't make those things appealing to me. They weren't distraught with their work, rather with the idea of having to go to work to sustain the kids they don't even interact with. Reading your post is getting me on the path of the right line of thinking. Money was always seemed scarce in my family so I developed a scarcity complex around it. Any time I had a lot of money, I would spend a huge portion of it when I first started working a full time job. Getting my materialistic needs met, I was able to learn how to save, but that warehouse job I had was taxing emotionally and intellectually, so I quit. That was back in 2009, and since then have been underemployed through a variety of family members making just enough to get by. But of course I've gotten tired of living within means and would like to extend what my means can be. This post also reminds me of how some of my self esteem issues due to not having a "real" job stems from my parents emphasis on HAVING TO work as an adult, in order to be whole and functional. So thanks for your post, made me look inward also and gave me a lot to think about.

It does turn into a strange web, doesn't it? Contradictory rules abound: You must work to be happy (or content? something positive) in life. Working is miserable and you will hate it! You'll hate it so much you'll bring it home with you. Words and not deeds.Later, chastised for not wanting to work, or not grinning and bearing it and just doing it. I know that's the general response from my dad when I broach the topic of working. It changes from words, not deeds to follow my lead, I'm miserable and you should accept that fate and be miserable too.I'm not sure whether these posts are productive for me gaining employment, or if it's procrastination, hopefully both realistically.I think I've missed the part about how fun and enjoyable working can be. Most menial jobs ain't that.

[wdiaz03]

Interesting, I always saw work as a fact of life. Just like a caveman had to chase his food, keep his tools in shape, shelter. You can hate it or you can accept it. You can be angry but then its double the work. So I reached a sort of closure at an early age.

 

Single parent, poor. but my mother lived such that money never seem to be a problem, she had little needs. very frugal. and we lived with the "Is not getting what you want, its liking what you get" mentality. I started working at 15, minimum wage jobs and helping family members with their business on the side (Hard labor).

that was an eye opener, (you can be the guy sweating outside or you can be inside in an office) So since I had made my peace with work I just knew I had to find a job I liked (in an office with AC) and i pursued that goal. since I started working at 15 I always had a job.

 

One thing I enjoy from what my mother thought me is the freedom from work itself. you don't have to take crap because you have the means to quit and find something better, being able to sleep at night because you have little worries about money. knowing that if you wanted to buy something or take a vacation the money was there. That if you get laid off you can cover expenses a long time while you find another job. My worse nightmare is living day to day, all money earned going to pay bills and no savings.

[MysterionMuffles]

It does turn into a strange web, doesn't it? Contradictory rules abound: You must work to be happy (or content? something positive) in life. Working is miserable and you will hate it! You'll hate it so much you'll bring it home with you. Words and not deeds.Later, chastised for not wanting to work, or not grinning and bearing it and just doing it. I know that's the general response from my dad when I broach the topic of working. It changes from words, not deeds to follow my lead, I'm miserable and you should accept that fate and be miserable too.I'm not sure whether these posts are productive for me gaining employment, or if it's procrastination, hopefully both realistically.I think I've missed the part about how fun and enjoyable working can be. Most menial jobs ain't that.

 

I worked at a warehouse for about a year and a half, and the first little while it did feel unfulfilling. All until of course I started warming up to my co-workers. Most of them were a nice bunch and that made my work days better. I worked at yet another warehouse a couple years afterwards, but that experience, however brief (couple months) went a lot smoother because by then, I found meaning in sharing a menial job with a couple of cool dudes. I worked DOUBLE the hours the 2nd warehouse, but because I was surrounded by 3 cool dudes I enjoyed talking to all day, that made the work more bearable.

 

Case in point like Diaz said, there's also a matter of perception. I worked at two uninspiring environments, but what made my time worthwhile was connecting with coworkers as well as finding meaning in the work itself, even if it's not visibly apparent. When I used to work in retail, it was a lot easier to enjoy because I liked talking to customers. Warehouses, not so much. It took some mental gymnastics to see fun in the simplicity of physical labour, and a whole lot even more mental gymnastics to come out of my shell and just be friend some of the people at the first warehouse. I quit that place of course because of a shitty boss and just a few downers that worked there. Thankfully the cool people still outnumbered the losers there though.

[NeoEclectic]

We live in a time where we can easily opt out of working.

 

Rewind the clock 100 years and the choice becomes less clear. But if everyone were to quit working today society would collapse.

 

We don't always have to enjoy working for our own selfish needs. There are people out there that work because they feel a responsibility or obligation to things... like children.

 

Hey, dad, how was work.

 

It sucked.

 

That's too bad... thanks for putting food in my stomach anyhow.

[ThoseWhoStayUofM]

Train of thought prior to:  I find many of Generation Y seem to be directionless, or suffer from any number of psychological conditions, diagnosed or otherwise self imposed, as the result of childhood trauma inflicted on them.  I think in part it has to do with absence of fathers and positive male role models growing up. 

Contrary to popular belief, on this forum at least, everything that is wrong with the world can't be chalked up to a lack of male parental figures.  Honestly, the fact that one role model in your life happens to have a penis doesn't seem to be a majorly important qualification.  We seriously need to stop with this bullshit.  All that matters is that, in early childhood, every child learns that he/she has intrinsic value, a.k.a. is worth more than all the power and riches of the entire world.  It is the duty of the parent to instill this lesson in their children.  Any child, earlier than six years old, that doesn't have this lesson ingrained in them, due to lack of caring, will suffer serious psychological side effects.  The reason why this is important is because, if they understand that they have intrinsic value, it is a very small leap to reach the conclusion that everybody has intrinsic value.  The idea that "I am not the exception to the rule" becomes comprehensible.  Every human life is precious.I cannot stress how important this is.  It is the duty of every person who chooses to have a child to teach this lesson.  It is of the highest priority.  It is a matter of life and death.  You are so... so... precious.  You are worth fighting for.  You are the light of the world.  Your actions have consequences that can shake the foundations of the Earth. Based on this premise, you are not alone.  Your neighbor is on the same ship as you.  We are here together... and each of us faces the same road.  We live the same life.  We feel the same hurts.This is the most important thing.  I cannot stress this enough.

[MrCapitalism]

IMHO, Children know they are precious the day they are born.

[tasmlab]

Interesting, I always saw work as a fact of life. Just like a caveman had to chase his food, keep his tools in shape, shelter. You can hate it or you can accept it. You can be angry but then its double the work. So I reached a sort of closure at an early age.

 

 

 

Reminds me of a favorite quote:

 

"There is something to be learned from a rainstorm. When meeting with a sudden shower, you try not to get wet and run quickly along the road. But doing such things as passing under the eaves of houses, you still get wet. When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed, though you still get the same soaking. This understanding extends to everything."