What's keeping you from knowing yourself?

[Naer]

What is it?

[cherapple]

Literally, nothing and no one, since adulthood. In practice, the wounds and scars I carry, and — with gentle, consistent, and determined effort and attention — the time it takes to heal. 

 

What is it for you?

[Pepin]

Cheryl, I'll answer that question just for the heck of it, though I'd describe them more as challenges.

 

I have this sort of automatic repression that happens very quickly, which makes sense granted how it was my primary coping mechanism. This has been more easy to spot within the last couple of months, but it at times feel like catching an arrow that you didn't know was going to be fired. Unfortunately, if it flies by I really can't access the emotion. For instance, I felt an urge to cry for about half a second and then it was gone. I spent about 10 minutes trying to find the feeling and to cry, but was unsuccessful.

 

Parts that don't want to experience certain emotions taking the seat of consciousness. This is an issue that can be more easily dealt with if I am alone or have some free-time, but in any other sort of setting it is really difficult to handle. If you are having a conversation with someone you really can't take the time to negotiate with yourself. In situations of time, a sort of emotional procrastination occurs.

 

A high IQ doesn't seem to help in certain respects. Most people have issues with rationalizing, I can't say I do, but I seem to have issues with constant Red Herrings where it takes a lot of continual effort to keep on the same subject. Worse is when your mind starts coming up with all these sorts of thoughts that put you into a fog. This last point can be seen in so many of the Call in Shows.

 

A high IQ, or rather a diligence to reason and logic I think can be a great asset. It does become really dissociative though because the emotions tend to be in conflict and don't change. For instance, two years ago on some forum there was a debate about spanking and this was my response:

 

A good distinction to make is that force can by applied by the parent on a child because that child does not yet claim right to their body. A parent owns a right to homestead their child, but they do not own the child. Through this logic, a parent does not have a right to inflict harm on a child except for the homesteading needs. Getting a shot is nothing a child likes and the process often involves force, yet it is justified. Getting into spanking and other practices really depends on if it is a really valuable way to bring up a child. The simple answer is no.

 

This was the first time I had ever put thought into the question, and I think the internal struggle going on is quite apparent. It is actually really interesting re-reading this post because my rhetoric and argument are trying to say very different things. I mean the second to last sentence sounds like I am saying spanking is ok, which of course part of me is saying, but the argument I am making is the whole "if the child runs out into the road" stuff.

 

Talking about this post reminds me of a great self knowledge tip, which is to re-read and analyze what you wrote in the past, particularly stuff you didn't think you'd read again. You are likely to be surprised.

[Lians]

I've had some of my biggest breakthroughs after getting rid of corrupt people in my environment. Acknowledging the scars of history then becomes a whole lot easier. It's very hard to see certain things about yourself when you're surrounded by enablers.

 

Dealing with historical inertia is also quite important. We're creatures of habit and that's not a bad thing. However, when these habits are created within a toxic environment they can become a major roadblock on the path to self-knowledge.