Josh F Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Starting maybe 2 years ago I have progressively putting RTR into my life (that is to say, living a life with integrity and treating relationships as voluntary). At first, the lose of friends and eventually my family was very difficult. A few months ago, I officially made an effort to block my parents from my life. For a couple weeks this was an emotionally challenging act, and I wrestled with a lot of conflicting ideas and emotions. Recently, someone I had considered an old friend revealed that he doesn't like me that much. He basically insulted me on Facebook, I asked him what his intention was, and he said I wasn't as smart as I think I am, which was just passive and insulting and revealing. I told him I once appreciated his friendship deeply, but that I have to remove him from my contacts because I can't endure pretending we're friends when you resent me. Anyways, long story short... it felt great! What I mean is that instead of trying to manage his emotions, or deny my feelings, or anything else... I just saved myself from future abuse. And it feels great. It is the scene in the Matrix where I learn I don't have to move side to side trying to dodge bullets, but I can stop them dead, mid air, before they ever even get close without moving a muscle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lians Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 None of my relationships survived the application of RTR, so I can certainly relate to your experience. I think another benefit you're going to get from parting ways with your old friend is the raw self-knowledge that you locked away in order to maintain the friendship. It's certainly worthwhile to examine why that person got into your life and how he may have negatively influenced your development. I got some truly invaluable life lessons after I parted ways with my four best friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josh F Posted December 4, 2013 Author Share Posted December 4, 2013 Yeah I mean I'm sort of just clearing out the closet now, the whole house has been put in boxes. That is to say, I've given up the unhealthy relationships i've had with my immediate family, distant family, and close friends. This guy was sort of a lingerer. In Jr High, he literally defended me while two people were beating me up, so I've always just liked and appreciate him. I've kind of suspected he didn't think fondly of me these days, which might have made me sad in the past, but yeah like I said it feels good to dodge a bullet. Thanks Lians for relating, what other lessons did you learn from this process? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysterionMuffles Posted December 8, 2013 Share Posted December 8, 2013 RTR WILL do that...it's tough to find someone who can either reciprocate about it or simply apologize. The best I've gotten from RTRing is getting instant apologies and being left alone, and at one point got some curiousity from my mother when it came to opening up about my history. It was a once in a while kinda thing with her, but she's pretty broken so I don't expect any consistency or continuity from her. Even after continuity in our interactions being one of the things I desired. Like how my family get into spats with each other and then just don't talk to each other for a while til each party has swept up their feelings under the rug without bringing up their last interaction and apologizing about each of their own behaviours. Anyways, yes it is at first disheartening to expose crap people through RTR, as it leaves you feeling empty. However, that emptiness when filled by genuine people makes you realize that void wasn't so huge after all as the space the genuine people take up are much grander and less of a strain on your psyche. I RTR'd with a friend I had for a bit more than a decade while he was forcing me to become friends with him again over a very irritating phone call one morning. The guy crumbled and contradicted him self sentence after sentence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cynicist Posted December 9, 2013 Share Posted December 9, 2013 Love the matrix analogy, dead on. It's sad to lose someone you thought was a friend, glad you saved yourself from the abuse though. Personally I've cut out several unhealthy "friends" from my life, I'm still working on the familial relationships though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josh F Posted December 10, 2013 Author Share Posted December 10, 2013 Yeah I think once you deal with your family of origin, keeping other abusive people out of your life becomes so much easier. I think if this happened a couple years ago, I would be really sad about the encounter, spend weeks thinking about it, wondering what I did wrong, etc. I've barely thought twice about it though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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