My Mother Is Going To Kill Me

[Stephen C]

[LovePrevails]

Omg you wrote a will! what a sensitive child you were!!! 

 

what a traumatic event, that fear of death and going to hell after such a short life

 

this is a great post and may help lots of people empathise with their younger selves

[aFireInside]

I subscribed bro. 

[Benjammin]

Thanks for sharing Stephen

[David Twyman]

This was beyond sad, couldn't stop crying.

[Stephen C]

Thanks, LP <3 Cool, Ivan :)You're welcome, Benjamin :)I'm sorry, Carb.

[David Twyman]

Thanks, LP <3 Cool, Ivan :)You're welcome, Benjamin :)I'm sorry, Carb.

I'm sorry for you alot. But I think it bought up alot of my own pain that I have never bwwn allowed to experience. Still live with my parents... Trying to cry quietlyDude, this is so healing much love manThe loss of empathy is really what does hurt the most

[Stephen C]

Thanks, Carb. I appreciate the show of sympathy. I'm sad to hear you're experiencing pain, but I'm also glad you are connecting with your feelings. I'm also sad to hear that you are unable to express your emotions in the place you live, I'm sad you are unable to express your emotions to your parents, the people that you need to be heard by most in this world. I also feel anger knowing that your parents are not giving you what you need.  I'm glad to hear that this video is useful for you, I would like people to walk away from watching my videos with some more understanding about themselves and ways they can help themselves. 

[Culain]

Holiday seasons always bring out the worst in me, I'm reminded of so many events both good and bad. You see all the holiday propaganda, all the families united together and then you look at yourself, knowing that you will never enjoy this.

 

My family was not there for me during the most vulnerable time of my life... Every year around the holiday season my parents will find a way to contact me through message and tell me about how now that it's the holiday season let's come together as a family, let's talk about all YOUR problems they say; having never offered an apology themselves.

 

Your sisters, you're bothers, your grandma, your uncle, and me all LOVE you; it bombards me every year. Why is it only during the commercial holiday season that you feel the need to become a family, where was everyone throughout the rest of the year?

 

You eventually learn that it's because they don't actually care for you; but rather this hollow shell or husk, to only appear like a family.

 

I just never know what to do any longer. I harken back to my childhood and all I remember is emptiness. My family never tried to understand me, they never listened to me. It was always just do what we say...

 

I was always so scared and holed up all my life, there was always so much in fighting in my family. As a child I would hide in my room and listen in horror as my brothers, sisters, mother, and step-father would enter these wild tangents, they would rage at each other for hours. "Your boyfriend's a failure", they would say to my sister, "your girlfriend is a whore" they would say to my older brother. I remember from that point on I promised I would never bring anyone home, to this day as I approach my 30s I have never been in a relationship. I've always felt that I just never had enough self worth.

 

I also remember that my family was dying financially, though i think i was the only sibling that recognized this. My older brother would receive the fancy sports car, my younger brother would go to private school, my sister would get everything she wanted... how could i ask for anything when I was worried about bankruptcy at home, to this day I have never asked for a single Christmas present in my life.

 

Sorry about the tangent, it's just really tough on me.

[Slavik]

Hi stephen, I have a question.  How do you reach the deep exiled parts?  I mean parts that are so exiled that all ther is left is a critic, and critic himslef is very hard to reach.  I mean he just there doing his job but nver wants to talk or come out.  It just seems that all there is, is a critic and nothing behind it.  Or am I thinking wrong about it?

[Stephen C]

Holiday seasons always bring out the worst in me, I'm reminded of so many events both good and bad. You see all the holiday propaganda, all the families united together and then you look at yourself, knowing that you will never enjoy this.

 

My family was not there for me during the most vulnerable time of my life... Every year around the holiday season my parents will find a way to contact me through message and tell me about how now that it's the holiday season let's come together as a family, let's talk about all YOUR problems they say; having never offered an apology themselves.

 

Your sisters, you're bothers, your grandma, your uncle, and me all LOVE you; it bombards me every year. Why is it only during the commercial holiday season that you feel the need to become a family, where was everyone throughout the rest of the year?

 

You eventually learn that it's because they don't actually care for you; but rather this hollow shell or husk, to only appear like a family.

 

I just never know what to do any longer. I harken back to my childhood and all I remember is emptiness. My family never tried to understand me, they never listened to me. It was always just do what we say...

 

I was always so scared and holed up all my life, there was always so much in fighting in my family. As a child I would hide in my room and listen in horror as my brothers, sisters, mother, and step-father would enter these wild tangents, they would rage at each other for hours. "Your boyfriend's a failure", they would say to my sister, "your girlfriend is a whore" they would say to my older brother. I remember from that point on I promised I would never bring anyone home, to this day as I approach my 30s I have never been in a relationship. I've always felt that I just never had enough self worth.

 

I also remember that my family was dying financially, though i think i was the only sibling that recognized this. My older brother would receive the fancy sports car, my younger brother would go to private school, my sister would get everything she wanted... how could i ask for anything when I was worried about bankruptcy at home, to this day I have never asked for a single Christmas present in my life.

 

Sorry about the tangent, it's just really tough on me.

It's all good, I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you've had to live through. Have you taken all this to therapy by any chance?

Hi stephen, I have a question.  How do you reach the deep exiled parts?  I mean parts that are so exiled that all ther is left is a critic, and critic himslef is very hard to reach.  I mean he just there doing his job but nver wants to talk or come out.  It just seems that all there is, is a critic and nothing behind it.  Or am I thinking wrong about it?

I would personally check to see if I have a Part that doesn't like the critic, or wants to rush the therapeutic process. If I found such a Part I would try to understand it's concerns until it has enough trust in me and is willing to give me permission/space to work with my critic. My next step would be to understand my critics concerns and earn trust until it gives me permission/space to work with whatever it is protecting.http://personal-growth-programs.com/learn-about-ifs/inner-critic-articles/inner-critic/

[MysterionMuffles]

Once again I appreciate your openness in your video journals. I'm really sorry you had to grow up with a mother like that. Any threat from a parent is taken to full on seriousness, like when I was 7, my mom was already threatening me to move out onto the streets if I don't like the rules at home. 

 

I can't imagine how scary that must've been to be threatened with death directly though! You're a brave soul to have survived that. It's disheartening to imagine how parents miscontrue a child's behaviour and deem it as negative as to react so strongly against it. Really twists your perception of what's permittable and punishable.

 

After all this self knowledge stuff, it's so hard NOT to see people's wounded inner children now. Like my cousin for instance who freaks out over my two year old niece using only one hand to place a cup of orange juice back onto a table. I get her hand is tiny, but she had a grip on it, and even if she spilled it, it was less than a quarter cup and not that hard to clean up. Yeesh...I can make a trillion guesses as to how "accident prone" my cousin was raised to believe she was, and the shame she must have felt to make her project that insecurity on her own daughter the way that she does.

 

Anyways, I really enjoy your IFS approach to your past two videos, gives me much to draw on with it's benefits and clarity. Like I said in the chat, you didn't really have to say who was saying what since the voice shifts you used, and the context of the dialogue made it pretty clear who was speaking.

 

The dialogue with your child self was my favourite part. It was very heartwarming and gives me quite the inkling as to how beneficial the IFS method can be by providing yourself with the kind of conversations and empathy you couldn't get as a child. My inner-critic likes to say that you look like a crazy person doing this, but my inner-father understands that doing this can give you so much of your power back, as you are simutaneously giving and receiving immense acknowledgement and comfort. I think that prepares you to give so much more of that to other people once you've allowed yourself the same experience.

[ThomasDoubts]

     I haven't seen your first two videos but I've seen the past two.  I have to say, I think they're brilliant, and I'll be checking out the other two, and any future videos.

 

     I'm incredibly sorry you had to go through that experience with you mother...   Just awful.  You appear to me to be really in touch with things, and yourself.  Grounded, you know?  Of course, it would have been much better had you not been subjected to these kinds of things in the first place.  Again, for that, I'm very sorry.  Sucks.  I'm curious, how long have you been really working on issues in your past/personal growth between therapy and what you've done on your own.  I see you've been a member here since 2008.  Geezz, where the hell was I back then.  I would have killed to discover this stuff sooner. 

 

     One of the things that stuck out for me was when you mentioned something about what kind of abuse your mother must have suffered as a child.  I forgot your exact words but I believe you said something to the effect of, "It's not for me to worry about."  This is a real sticky point for me.  I sometimes feel, "how can I hold my parents absolutely responsible?  Why am I not holding my grandparents responsible, and why not my great grandparents, and why not my great-great grandparents, etc?"  I've been wrestling under the surface with the idea of DeFooing, at least from my father, but for a variety of reasons I seem unable to do it, despite a belief that it would be in my best interest. 

 

     Both of my parents had severly dysfunctional, and vile, and traumatic childhoods.  I feel strong genuine empathy when I think about it, moreso than I do for myself and any adverse childhood experiences I had.  I don't know if that qualifies as stockholm or not, but I didn't have it nearly as bad as they did either.  At least that's how I make sense of it.  I'm not trying to compare, or imply that this has any bearing on your situation but I'm curious what your thoughts would be on that.  I see these manifestations of abuse in my parents as irrational, and ultimately abusive, but also perfectly logical defense mechanisms that hardened over time.  Part of me thinks that at my parents' age, some things are just virtually irreversible and I should just make my feelings/beliefs known, and agree to disagree.  Make due, so to speak.  I wonder if you have any thoughts on this.

 

     You've definately inspired me to attempt the same thing or something similar.  I think your dialogue is great, I have no problems at all differentiating between characters.  To see your work in action makes it much more real to me.  You set a great example and let me know I won't be crazy to have conversations with my other selves.  Normally I just talk to my one self.  I hope I didn't make this too much about myself, I really just wanted to praise, compliment and thank you more than anything.

 

     And if I could just add in a totally masculine and heterosexual way, you've got some great hair man.  Feeling pretty jealous over here    But, good stuff Stephen.  Keep it coming.  And good luck with the green V-neck.  It's certainly not too much to ask for. 

[David Twyman]

That's fucked up. I also just had a conversation with my grandma and I said never buy me anything again it's like saying fuck off dont try to bribe a reaction out of me with this bulshit

[Stephen C]

I want to respond to your posts here Muffles and Rex. You've both said so much it's going to take some time for me to type out replies, I will get to it. 

[Stephen C]

Once again I appreciate your openness in your video journals. I'm really sorry you had to grow up with a mother like that. Any threat from a parent is taken to full on seriousness, like when I was 7, my mom was already threatening me to move out onto the streets if I don't like the rules at home. 

 

I can't imagine how scary that must've been to be threatened with death directly though! You're a brave soul to have survived that. It's disheartening to imagine how parents miscontrue a child's behaviour and deem it as negative as to react so strongly against it. Really twists your perception of what's permittable and punishable.

 

After all this self knowledge stuff, it's so hard NOT to see people's wounded inner children now. Like my cousin for instance who freaks out over my two year old niece using only one hand to place a cup of orange juice back onto a table. I get her hand is tiny, but she had a grip on it, and even if she spilled it, it was less than a quarter cup and not that hard to clean up. Yeesh...I can make a trillion guesses as to how "accident prone" my cousin was raised to believe she was, and the shame she must have felt to make her project that insecurity on her own daughter the way that she does.

 

Anyways, I really enjoy your IFS approach to your past two videos, gives me much to draw on with it's benefits and clarity. Like I said in the chat, you didn't really have to say who was saying what since the voice shifts you used, and the context of the dialogue made it pretty clear who was speaking.

 

The dialogue with your child self was my favourite part. It was very heartwarming and gives me quite the inkling as to how beneficial the IFS method can be by providing yourself with the kind of conversations and empathy you couldn't get as a child. My inner-critic likes to say that you look like a crazy person doing this, but my inner-father understands that doing this can give you so much of your power back, as you are simutaneously giving and receiving immense acknowledgement and comfort. I think that prepares you to give so much more of that to other people once you've allowed yourself the same experience.

Thank you, Muffles. I appreciate the show of sympathy. I want to extend compassion towards you, being threatened with abandonment by a parent is pure torture, I'm sorry this was the case for you. Something that comes to mind about that is once we are given a threat like this we realize we always have been homeless, at best we are just a guest in the home of the person that abuses us most, we own nothing. It's impossible to feel any sense of safety or security, everything can be taken away at any given time. This is a terrible realization for a child. You shared a bit about your experiences with your niece and her parents with me in the chat room, I really do hope her parents work towards improving their parenting methods for your nieces sake. Again, when I imagine a child spilling something I feel the urge to spill some of whatever they spilled, then show them what can be done to clean the spill. Also, asking them if they would participate in cleaning the spill with me. Awesomeness. I'm glad that it's clear when each Part is talking, my only concern is that people that aren't familiar with the method might be left feeling a bit confused, but so far I haven't received any feedback like that yet.That's my favorite part too. I have enjoyed watching the video myself, maybe this has something to do with the dreams of sucking my own penis I mentioned to you. Heh, my inner critic thinks I look like a crazy person doing this too. I think...Me: "How many times do we live, Inner Critic?"Critic: "Uh, once, you moron."Me: "Well, how about we be crazy, since we only get one shot?"Critic: "Eh, you're a idiot, but I think I see what you mean."Me: "What's the worst that can happen?"Critic: "I give you shit for it, and everyone else's Critic will too."Me: "What do you think of their Critics?"Critic: "They suck"Me: "So are we good to go?"Critic: "Uh, heh, yeah. I guess so. Just don't get beat up or arrested."Me: "Alright. Will you watch my back?"Critic: "Ugh, you fucking know I will"Me: "I do, you're the loyalist."Critic: "Recognize!"