Asking for help, why is it hard to do ?

[aFireInside]

[LovePrevails]

I'm so glad that I learned to ask for help finally. I get more because of it, I let myself accept the service of others.

[aFireInside]

It seems to me that successful people have no shame in asking. 

I always feel shame of asking people for help . 

[ThomasDoubts]

As a general rule, I detest asking for help.  It's like, by doing so, I am revealing my own inadequacy.  Others have noticed this about me.  They will assure me that they want to help, that I'm not being a burden.  They will assure me that they enjoy being in a position to help others.  They will ask me, "Please, let me know if there is anything I can do to help."  Nonetheless, it doesn't sit well with me.

 

I'd be interested in any theories explaining this.  Steve Jobs mentioned fear of failure.  This does resonate with me.  I am having a hard time, right now, thinking of anything I have failed at in my life.  When I was a child, I wanted to ride a bike.  I fell a few times, but then achieved my goal.  In the same way, I can't think of a concrete goal I've set for myself that I haven't achieved.  Others would say I set my goals too high, but I don't think I've set them high enough.  At least, some of my goals are ones that I haven't pursued with all my heart and energy through action.  It's like I'm constantly preparing myself for something, and never taking the first fateful step, recognizing I'll never be fully prepared.  My father once told me, "There is no greater burden than that of high expectations."  He was implying:  lower your standards, lower your goals, lower your expectations, and just be happy.  I resoundly reject that.  There are things I'd really like to do, but by not taking the first step I've simultaneously assured myself niether failure, nor success.  Jobs said something about people who dream about doing something vs. those who accomplish something.  I've been in both camps at different points in my life, but at the moment, I'm in the former.  Maybe I'm just deluded but I feel capable of doing almost anything I set my mind to. 

 

As I'm writing this, it occurs to me that asking for help could really help me overcome my inertia, but I'm instantly trying to fight off the demons warning of a thousand pitfalls of failure.  The thought of personally failing someone who invests in me, absent unforeseeable forces beyond my control, is like acid in my veins.