Sashajade Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 So I've always been a really curious person, especially when it comes to people who I believe have had their lives destroyed by our government. About a month and a half ago I had placed a personal ad on craigslist in the dating section. I wasn't really looking for anyone special, but I ended up meeting someone special. We started talking and pretty quickly it seemed obvious that there was a connection. I learned that he was an inmate on work release which made him that much more intriguing, tho not because I have a preference for prison inmates. His manners were actually very good which made it all the more shocking that he is an inmate, tho nothing prepared me for when I actually met him in person. Somehow, I was expecting someone who looked a little rougher around the edges, considering that he had been incarcerated for 14 years total of his 36 years of life. He looked very clean, and attractive in a way that you would never guess that he had ever been to prison other than some artwork on his arms. But that's pretty common nowadays even if you haven't been to prison. It wasn't like gang tattoos all over. I realized that he was an alright guy because of how comfortable I felt around him, but I still had the radar on for possible phsycopath warning signs. So, i will call him Jon, had indeed a rough start in life. Nothing short of shocking but not surprising as far as the consequences to him as a result of early childhood trauma, violence, neglect. I was truly amazed at how positive and uplifting he was to be around with that kind of a violent background. He never told me about it but I'm sure he probably recieved some therapy while in prison, but probably nothing ongoing. Within the first few weeks of meeting him, I started to notice his unresolved issues coming up, tho he never displayed anything violent, or said anything hurtful to me. I could see his insecurities about relationships with women. He mentioned being very protective of girlfriends, and became violent towards other men if they were inapproriate with a woman he was seeing. Like in the bar, if some guy was harrassing, flirting with his girlfriend. Last week was the last time I talked to Jon and I think it's because he was taken off of work release. I'm almost certain that he got in trouble for something because he would often be anxious about getting back to jail on time. Thinking that this is probably the most likely situation made me feel bad. I did't want to aid in him losing any priviliges or extending his stay in that place. The thought of this potentially happening did cross my mind, but I still didn't expect it. This event made me question the whole work release thing. It just seems stupid to me to put inmates on work release anyway, unless you are going to monitor their every move. I can only imagine how tempting it is when you get a little freedom to try to bend the rules as much as possible under those conditions. How do you put people into an intensely repetitive, physical, daily grind and then expect them not to get bored or try to find some type of distraction if they think they can get away with it. He also had untreated addiction issues and told me that he had gotten high on a couple of occasions on work release. I knew of another person who had gotten high on work release and it makes me kinda wonder if work release is not only ineffective but potentially dangerous to the public.
ThomasDoubts Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Hey Sasha, how are you? I'm can't wait to hear the rest of your story! I think you should finish it before you read what I write, if you can fight the temptation I don't want to influence you too much before you tell the whole story. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have a tiny bit of experience with inmates so I thought I might share my thoughts with you, and ask a few questions. I worked with some people on work release in college. Mostly, they were just petty criminals. I have a cousin getting out of prison in January after serving 4 years for drug possesion and petty theft, and being transferred to a halfway house for 6 months (she basically became a heroin addict, and a thief to fund the addiction). Somehow I don't think being locked in a cage in a horrible crime/poverty ridden area of the country for four years has served her interest, or anyone elses. I've written her letters, but unlike my family, I'm not optimistic about her future. My family is quite optimistic, since my cousin has "rediscovered god," and their letters have outnumbered my own, encouraging those beliefs. As long as she keeps praying, and we keep praying for her, she'll be ok. The people I worked with in college had it pretty easy, as far as prison goes. They were even allowed to go home one night a week, which I'd never heard of before, or since, for that matter. I suppose, all else equal, I support these kinds of measures. It's nice that there is some kind of attempt to let these people keep a semblance of humanity, if only to serve as free labor for the State.That being said, if prison rehabilitated people we wouldn't have repeat offenders. The statistics in the U.S. for the likelyhood of returning to prison, once you've been there, are shocking. Somewhere in the nieghborhood of 75% after one incident, and 90+% after 2. <-- This study was a small study at a local prison whose findings were relayed to me several years ago by a man who worked there. The largest study I could find only tracked people for 3 years after release from prison, and showed that over 40% were back in prison within 3 years. Over 2/3rds of prisoners released were rearrested for "serious" crimes within those 3 years. Of course I couldn't be more opposed to people being incarcerated for victimless crimes, but I don't think those people generally come out the same as they went it. As you said, too often, the State destroys their lives. http://www.crimeinamerica.net/2010/09/29/percent-of-released-prisoners-returning-to-incarceration/I don't mean to be overly judgemental but I think it goes without saying, you should be exersizing a good deal of caution. I'm sure you know this, and you indicated you were, I just thought it should be said. I would be concerned about beginning a relationship with someone who has spend nearly half of his life in prison, though I don't know why he was incarcerated in the first place. As a matter of statistics, what he was incarcerated for is not unimportant in the likelyhood of returning to prison, repeating the offense, or committing violent offenses. I hope you don't take it the wrong way, and I don't mean to paint inmates with too broad a brush, but I think it's pretty hard to find healthy compatible partners as it is. Finding one who's spent so much time in prison seems even more difficult/unlikely. Like I said, I would be very cautious. I could see his insecurities about relationships with women. He mentioned being very protective of girlfriends, and became violent towards other men if they were inapproriate with a woman he was seeing. Like in the bar, if some guy was harrassing, flirting with his girlfriend. This was of particular interest to me. Why do you think he exhibited this kind of behavior? Personally, I struggled with jealousy/insecurity with girlfriends in the past. I have my own theories about this but I'm curious what you think.Not to imply it's either right or wrong, but why do you think you'd be willing to date someone who's spent nearly half of their life in prison? For many people, this would be a deal breaker, whether they were sympathetic or not.
Josh F Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I learned that he was an inmate on work release which made him that much more intriguing, tho not because I have a preference for prison inmates. So if I was to hear this from a girl, a red flag would go off for me. Why are you intrigued by potentially dangerous people?
Wuzzums Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Isn't feeling comfortable around someone you just met a red flag in itself?
Sashajade Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 U are so right about finishing the whole story before i just decide to start typing. I think i'll stop doing that lol! I didn't know how to save my work. I tried once before and I don't think it saved or i don't know if i did it right. I have no experience with any office programs or stuff like that. Thanks for the responses.
Dylan Lawrence Moore Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 U are so right about finishing the whole story before i just decide to start typing. I think i'll stop doing that lol! I didn't know how to save my work. I tried once before and I don't think it saved or i don't know if i did it right. I have no experience with any office programs or stuff like that. Thanks for the responses. Quick word of advice from someone who has lost a rather large number of internet posts from finger slips and wonky servers: Open up your favorite word processing program (one that preferably keeps formatting like italics and bold intact). Copy and paste your post periodically (not just at the end!) into this word file. Save it onto your desktop as "post". Make sure you do a final copy and paste before you send it. Once the post is viewable on the website, THEN you can delete the post.doc on your desktop. You're welcome.
Kawlinz Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Isn't feeling comfortable around someone you just met a red flag in itself? Why? I understand it can be, but some people out there are just genuinely nice.
Wuzzums Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 Why? I understand it can be, but some people out there are just genuinely nice. Yeah, it was my mistake for not explaining what I meant by comfortable. I meant by it that no matter how you act or what you say the other person will respond positively to it. Like a constant positive feedback regardless of the input.
Josh F Posted December 12, 2013 Posted December 12, 2013 U are so right about finishing the whole story before i just decide to start typing. I think i'll stop doing that lol! I didn't know how to save my work. I tried once before and I don't think it saved or i don't know if i did it right. I have no experience with any office programs or stuff like that. Thanks for the responses. I feel like this response was very evasive of a very important point I brought up. Is this story fictional?
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