Spontaneous Self Reflection and Making sense of my Shame

[Hubot]

Awesome thread! And thanks Joel for sharing your thoughts. Anyways I wanted to comment on the video about insecurities that ribuck posted. In short I found it to be highly disturbing and misleading (and I actually liked what Tyler was saying till about 10 min. or so ). Here is why I think so: On many occasions Tyler says that you have to “own” your shortcomings (baldilocks hairstyle, short stature etc.) Now this may sound perfectly fine but then he goes on and demonstrates what this “owning” means: Basically you make a clown out of yourself by exaggerating your defects. Isn't this another way of attacking yourself in order to cope with the attacks from other persons? In fact you internalize your original attackers (i.e. parents, other students, priests and so forth) and use it as a shield. As a result of this you don't value yourself highly enough to even consider other types of interaction with women than sexual because you are stuck with the false self valuing you trough your “success” with the ladies. In short Tyler first talks about the necessity of being unaffected by criticism (which I don't think is even possible) and then shows how to cope with it by criticizing yourself so badly that insults from other persons feel like nothing. Am I completely off base?

[ribuck]

In short Tyler first talks about the necessity of being unaffected by criticism (which I don't think is even possible) and then shows how to cope with it by criticizing yourself so badly that insults from other persons feel like nothing.

 

Oh, it's certainly possible to be unhurt by criticism. If you recognize the criticism as honest and valid, you can do something about it (and therefore can be grateful that you received the criticism). If the criticism is dishonest or invalid then it's a reflection of the person doing the criticizing and not a reflection of you, so why should you care?

 

Tyler is by no means the only person to suggest extreme criticism as a coping mechanism. Harry Browne takes a similar approach in his book "How I found freedom in an unfree world". However, he's not talking about criticism as a form of self-attack. He's talking about practicing coping with extreme criticism, so that you will be unaffected by milder criticism when you encounter it.

[Three]

Just listened to the podcast- great info. I believe I heard Stef in a recent podcast practice the technique with a caller who had a breakthrough when he addressed the different sides of him like rage and vulnerability. Does anyone know the name of that one? I'm going to check out the other link when I have time. 

 

It seems that we have somewhat similar backrounds, so I was creepin on all of your posts because it looks like you have done a lot of work. Hope you don't mind! Haha Thanks Joel.

haha you're welcome, I don't mind at all. Please let me know what you think of any other posts and to share then with other who might find them valuable.