Learn how to identify an abuser

[FriendlyHacker]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJFd_ExZ0ag&t=23m39sPay special attention when she starts crying. Have you ever seen someone cry without shedding a single tear? She keeps looking to the sides to see if people are falling for it, and smirking when she realizes people bought it.Also note the look of her husband when she starts crying, he is not actually feeling sorry for her, that is the face of someone who has seen the act a few hundred times.Learn how to read body language, and you will be able to avoid people like this. Remember that holier than thou attitudes are a red flag, this is constantly seen in religious circles where the one who acts the most religiously benevolent is usually trying to hide the true self. If you pay attention, you can tell real caring and giving from faking it. And even if you don't pay attention, you usually identify such persons anyway. If you have an uneasy feeling about someone, trust your feelings, because you might not consciously realize the person is a fraud, but deep down you know it.

[FriendlyHacker]

How do you spot a fake smile? The smile is not in the mouth, it's in the eyes.http://youtu.be/oSs_6B6MDpo

[Wuzzums]

 If you have an uneasy feeling about someone, trust your feelings, because you might not consciously realize the person is a fraud, but deep down you know it.

 

I agree. I've had a friend that constantly did things that rubbed me the wrong way though I didn't know why. Only after quite some time after I've stopped talking to them I accidentally stumbled across the well known Cluster B personality traits. Looked into it more and saw a whole community of people that knew people with those disorders. Some of which had similar experiences to mine, down to specific wording in conversations. Uncanny.

Honestly, these sort of things ought to be taught religiously in schools, assuming schools teach you anything in the first place.

 

[Wesley]

For a while, I was studying Paul Ekman's work on facial expressions just before they released a TV show based on his work called Lie to Me. 

 

The first 3 episodes I think Paul Ekman was actually on the set and helped make sure the show was scientifically accurate in describing how to spot a liar. After that, it started becoming increasingly dramatic and unrealistic as an entertaining show still based on his work.

 

However, anyone with interest in spotting disingenuous emotional expression should watch the show, and do a search for Paul Ekman on YouTube.

 

Edit:

 

I should have clicked Wuzzum's video first, lol. However, I think I still added to the conversation some.

[Lians]

The cool thing is that you don't need to rely on body language when the other person openly admits to being a narcissist! Sometimes listening is more than enough.

[Guest Exceptionalist]

The cool thing is that you don't need to rely on body language when the other person openly admits to being a narcissist! Sometimes listening is more than enough.

 

Does that mean, you assume that narcissists are notorious lier? I don't know what I am but what I most definitely know is, that lieing is one of the hardest excercise for me, which is actually an Aspie characteristic. Other traits tends more towards being a narc.

[Lians]

Does that mean, you assume that narcissists are notorious lier? I don't know what I am but what I most definitely know is, that lieing is one of the hardest excercise for me, which is actually an Aspie characteristic. Other traits tends more towards being a narc.

 

If they're truly narcissistic, I'm out. If they're lying about being narcissistic, I'm out. If they don't know what they're talking about yet portray themselves as narcissistic, I'm out. No way to lose this game.

[Guest Exceptionalist]

 If they don't know what they're talking about yet portray themselves as narcissistic, I'm out. No way to lose this game.

 

 

Let's assume there was a game to begin with and let's also assume the person is just an aquaintance.

 

There is a difference between being narcissistic, being a narcissist and having NPD, AFAIK. The first one is about an amount of self love, the second one is about having certain traits who aren't malfunctioning to a pathological extend and the last one is the disorder. Which means, look in the mirror and you are out by circular logic.

 

You forgot to mention, if they don't even portray themself as such. Game over. In case of some people the traits are less obvious and only present in specific situations.

[FriendlyHacker]

The cool thing is that you don't need to rely on body language when the other person openly admits to being a narcissist! Sometimes listening is more than enough.

 

I haven't met many people who understand what the word narcissism means and certainly none of the narcissist people I've met would admit to it.

 

Lately you don't have to wait someone to mention it, you can just visit their social profile and see a bunch of pictures of themselves plus the self-absorbed comments.

[kalmia]

How do you spot a fake smile? The smile is not in the mouth, it's in the eyes.http://youtu.be/oSs_6B6MDpo

There is a lot missing to this woman's claims. Power differential is very important to consider. I know I do a lot of the things she describes because I am tense with social anxiety. I have worked on reducing it and have a lot. I am very much convinced that the state is an institution to re-victimize traumatized people. I got social anxiety from trauma, and cops trigger it greatly.

[ThomasDoubts]

I don't know what I am but what I most definitely know is, that lieing is one of the hardest excercise for me, which is actually an Aspie characteristic.

 

I've never heard this before but a few minutes of research seemed to suggest it's validity.  Forgive me for going on a bit of a self-serving tangent, but I can't help it. 

 

I am a horrendous liar.  If I try to lie, people either call me out on it immediately, or do the more polite thing and not react to it, although I think I can tell they don't believe the lie.  I just can't express how hard I find it to lie in a convincing manner; when my mouth says something my mind believes to be untrue, I physically react to it as if my body is shouting "THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

 

I haven't done enough research to be certain if this is true, but I've often heard the claim that the autistic community is overrepresented by left-handed people, which I happen to be.  Also, not that I like to diagnose or label others as a general rule, but I have a cousin who I am almost certain has Asperger's.  He was in special-ed(not the good kind of special) in elementary school, and finished with nearly a perfect score on the SAT's, and is now finishing up a double major in physics/computer science at a top university.  He has terrible social skills, but a good deal of computing power, so to speak.  Of course, none of this is conclusive, but it lends some evidence...  I also have several close family members with dyslexia, which I've diagnosed to my satisfaction.  Dyslexia is also linked to autism, as far as I understand. 

 

So I got thinking about myself and went looking for an Aspergers test, and found one here http://www.aspergerstestsite.com.  Just to be clear in advance, I don't generally presume a great deal of credibility from these kinds of online tests, but I gave it a try anyhow.  I scored a 35. 

The official criteria for Aspergers Syndrome is an AQ score greater than 32.

According to statistical analysis, 26 – 31 Is a borderline score.

86% of people with this score can be correctly classified as having Aspergers Syndrome.

 

Now, there are several possibilities.  Maybe the test/statistical analysis is crap.  Maybe my answers were biased by my mindset going into the test.  Maybe I really do have Asperger's     I don't think the diagnosis would be either good or bad; I would say it is what it is.  I'm having trouble seeing any reason why I should pursue further evaluation.  I like the way I think; it led me here and to sanity, right?

[FriendlyHacker]

I've never heard this before but a few minutes of research seemed to suggest it's validity.  Forgive me for going on a bit of a self-serving tangent, but I can't help it. 

 

I am a horrendous liar.  If I try to lie, people either call me out on it immediately, or do the more polite thing and not react to it, although I think I can tell they don't believe the lie.  I just can't express how hard I find it to lie in a convincing manner; when my mouth says something my mind believes to be untrue, I physically react to it as if my body is shouting "THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

 

I haven't done enough research to be certain if this is true, but I've often heard the claim that the autistic community is overrepresented by left-handed people, which I happen to be.  Also, not that I like to diagnose or label others as a general rule, but I have a cousin who I am almost certain has Asperger's.  He was in special-ed(not the good kind of special) in elementary school, and finished with nearly a perfect score on the SAT's, and is now finishing up a double major in physics/computer science at a top university.  He has terrible social skills, but a good deal of computing power, so to speak.  Of course, none of this is conclusive, but it lends some evidence...  I also have several close family members with dyslexia, which I've diagnosed to my satisfaction.  Dyslexia is also linked to autism, as far as I understand. 

 

So I got thinking about myself and went looking for an Aspergers test, and found one here http://www.aspergerstestsite.com.  Just to be clear in advance, I don't generally presume a great deal of credibility from these kinds of online tests, but I gave it a try anyhow.  I scored a 35. 

The official criteria for Aspergers Syndrome is an AQ score greater than 32.

According to statistical analysis, 26 – 31 Is a borderline score.

86% of people with this score can be correctly classified as having Aspergers Syndrome.

 

Now, there are several possibilities.  Maybe the test/statistical analysis is crap.  Maybe my answers were biased by my mindset going into the test.  Maybe I really do have Asperger's     I don't think the diagnosis would be either good or bad; I would say it is what it is.  I'm having trouble seeing any reason why I should pursue further evaluation.  I like the way I think; it led me here and to sanity, right?

 

I wouldn't believe a diagnose even if it came straight out a psychiatrist's mouth, these "doctors" are not evidence based and can't diagnose a brain disorder if all they do is talk. Now if you have a behavioural problem, that only means people around you might find your behaviour annoying and some would wish you started taking medication so you are too doped to get in their nerves. And if you do have a behavioral issue it's possible to learn how to modify your own behaviour. I scored 20 BTW.

[MysterionMuffles]

Dude this is awesome, thanks a lot FriendlyHacker, you have now also hacked my BS detector. Thanks to philosophy and the works of John Bradshaw, I can see people's wounded inner children a mile away and how it manifests itself. Now thanks to this video, I'm able to see more than the wounded inner child, but also the mask that was made to cover it--much more clearly now.

[ThomasDoubts]

I wouldn't believe a diagnose even if it came straight out a psychiatrist's mouth, these "doctors" are not evidence based and can't diagnose a brain disorder if all they do is talk. Now if you have a behavioural problem, that only means people around you might find your behaviour annoying and some would wish you started taking medication so you are too doped to get in their nerves. And if you do have a behavioral issue it's possible to learn how to modify your own behaviour. I scored 20 BTW.

 

Thank you for your thoughts.  I tend to agree.  Behavior problem or otherwise, I'm always intrigued by deviation from the mean.  Why is the mean preferrable?  I see no reason why I should be concerned with a positive/negative diagnosis.  I wouldn't charactorize my behavior as aspergerish; for one, I'm pretty outgoing, I think.  I don't have a great deal of understanding with regard to asperger's, but it doesn't seem to be an issue to me until it becomes pretty close to autism, and certainly doesn't seem to be necessarily bad. 

 

It just occured to me too--   Sometimes I also have trouble maintaining eye contact, but this could be (very likely IMO) be due to my childhood experiences, rather than aspergers. 

[Ahren]

I am watching this right now. But my first impression is that the problem with personality disorders is that people do not know they have them. They lack self knowledge. This girl seems to know what she is about. She is young, attractive and feels intitled. I do not think this fits the criteria for Narcissistic personality disorder.

[Ahren]

The seven abortions are terrible and she is reenacting her childhood abuse with those men but the narcissism was not very apparent. She did blame the show instead of herself for the things she said, compared herself to Ganhdi which is kind of grandose, but she kept looking at herself and saying she would like for things to change.

 

I have a narcissist in my life and trying to get them to see that the choices they are making causes the bad outcomes in their lives is almost impossible. As soon as I start to make a break through a fit of outrage surfaces, blame gets placed on something other than self and we go back to square one.