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Christmas gift giving.


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Hello friends,

 

Do I "have" to give Christmas presents? Would it be rude to say... "I appreciate all the Christmas presents, but I'd rather just enjoy the Holidays with us all together so this is the last Christmas I'm giving presents." I'm basically from a very small family which consists of my mom, her partner, my aunt, her partner, me, and my partner. I'm not even a practicing Christian! None of us have any children. And, I hate buying Christmas presents! But every year we get together and my mother likes to hand out the gifts. I'm 31 years old now! I just wish it would be a get together... without all the shopping and nonsense. I hope that's not selfish. I don't want anything, I don't want to get anything, and I just want to get together and enjoy our family.

 

What do you think?

I feel like this is something you would negotiate with your family. How would it go if you brought this up to them?

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All I want for Christmas are conversations about reality. 

 

There's a listener convo somewhere about gift giving. Stef said, if you want to preserve certain relationships, and those people want to exchange gifts, keep giving gifts. (Family members of the caller became angry when she told them she didn't want to exchange gifts anymore.)

 

It was one time when I didn't like his answer. Not because he said anything wrong, but because I wanted him to say, "No, you are perfectly free to stop giving gifts, if you don't want to give them." He didn't say the caller wasn't free, but he recommended meeting other people's preferences, if those people are important to you.

 

For the past few years, I've only given gifts to my kids. I am not interested in continuing the farce of family relationships and "giving." I'm much happier and more relaxed around the holidays now that I'm saying "No" to false obligations, empty conversations, and material giving. My kids want gifts, so I give to them, and then I work on my end of the conversation part with them. 

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I buy my brother's kids Christmas presents, because they expect it, but I didn't buy his oldest child a birthday present this year.  She is old enough that I can teach her my philosophy on giving.  I told her that I was not obligated to buy her a gift, just because she got a year older, and that I buy her things because I want to.  I brought up instances where we did things, throughout the year, and I told her that we(my wife and I) did that because we wanted to, not because of some stupid obligation.  I will teach the others as they get older.

 

We have pretty much taken the tact with our families, that we're only buying Christmas for kids, and that's what we do.

 

...

 

Having said that, there is nothing wrong with giving.  People whom I value, I buy gifts for or take them out to eat, or whatever, all the time.  I do it because a)I want to, and b)they have earned my respect.

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Hello friends,

 

Do I "have" to give Christmas presents? Would it be rude to say... "I appreciate all the Christmas presents, but I'd rather just enjoy the Holidays with us all together so this is the last Christmas I'm giving presents." I'm basically from a very small family which consists of my mom, her partner, my aunt, her partner, me, and my partner. I'm not even a practicing Christian! None of us have any children. And, I hate buying Christmas presents! But every year we get together and my mother likes to hand out the gifts. I'm 31 years old now! I just wish it would be a get together... without all the shopping and nonsense. I hope that's not selfish. I don't want anything, I don't want to get anything, and I just want to get together and enjoy our family.

 

What do you think?

 

This is quite common in my experience.  We've long had agreements with both sides of my family (mine and my wife's) that adults wouldn't exchange presents.  Mostly because we found ourselves just laboring to find something - anything - that somehow a normal adult wouldn't just buy themselves.

 

The children all get gifts though, and lots of them.

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I've been poor all of my adult life, so it was understood very early on that I couldn't afford much. I did still get gifts here and there. Once I rejected Christianity, it declined. Now, I'm fundamentally opposed to engaging in consumerism just because a calendar tells me to. Plus I'm a minimalist in my own possessions and had a hyper-material mother, so I'm just not big into "stuff" either way.

 

That said, I'm happy to take people out to dinner for their birthdays or other special occasions. This is money spent, food imparted, and most valuable of all: time shared.

 

That said, my step-mother makes good money and she likes to shop. One of the ways she keeps that going is by shopping for others. So in the battle of "don't get me anything" vs "what do you want?" I lose every time. Though in that case to lose is to win sort of.

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