Save_Yourself Posted December 24, 2013 Posted December 24, 2013 I have different feelings about posting and commenting on the boards here, or my roommates, and people in supermarkets and that I work with. I notice a lot of it comes out of feeling obligated or forced to reply to people. I take different stances. For example, I moved into an apartment with people I didnt know and would rather keep to myself. These people insist on talking to me or asking me questions. When I ignore or give them small responses and they stop - then I sort of feel independent and recognized, and even vaguely guilty and I will initiate chats I dont enjoy. I dont just do them out of guilt, but I think also because this person will probably eventually escalate into conflict with me otherwise. The thing is, its obviously in my way with my relationship towards myself. I try to avoid them and give them half baked 'hellos', etc. When we come in contact. Its hard to say what to do in this situation. I think ive done it all. Any suggestions?
Marcus Clarke Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 What are the "different feelings" that you experience when you try to make conversation? Do you talk to your parents about this, or do you feel the same when you try to talk to your parents? You said "When I ignore or give them small responses and they stop - then I sort of feel independent and recognized": what do you mean by "recognized" in this sentence? Do you want to learn more about having conversations, or do you want to learn more about having less conversations?
cynicist Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 How was communication handled in your family as a child? Were you punished in some way for not participating? (mocked, made to feel guilty, etc) I have struggled with this on and off as a result of how I was raised and the key for me was to remain conscious, even if I feel like I'm on the verge of a strong feeling like anxiety, and see how I feel before responding. I'm not perfect, but I can usually catch myself in situations where I feel a compulsion (happens sometimes with threads or youtube comments) and whether or not, taking a breath and focusing on my feelings makes the compulsion fade away and allows my response to be a decision rather than something automatic.
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