Ethics and a Philosopher's Revenge

[Ancient Mariner]

Your attraction to ethics makes perfect sense. Philosophy, and ethics in particular, is the arch-nemesis of falsehood and corruption. Socrates made this very clear in his final speech. That's why people hate UPB so much. It's like holy water sprinkled on a demon. You may find this series relevant and interesting (if you haven't watched it already): The Trial and Death of Socrates

 Thanks for linking that video series. I watched it for the first time a couple of years ago but it is always refreshing to review insightful material every once in a while. So, I watched it again today. First, and to be more precise, the roots of my initial attraction to ethics are twofold: 1. I was very compliant with my mother's world view when I was a child. I "loved" when she praised me for being such a good son. I wanted the same praise and validation from society; especially since I didn't develop good conflict resolution skills and I didn't know how to manage criticism at an emotional level. 2. I was raised in a verbally abusive environment. I would get shamed by my father or mother for not answering their questions (even when the questions were rhetorical) My obsession with certainty - especially ethics - was precisely so that I could be admired and praised for knowing the truth. I hate being wrong in public (especially when it comes to important topics) Sometimes I blush when i say something that is not correct or make silly mistakes.  Second, while watching the Trial and Death of Socrates series it reminded me of a few things I went trough during my teenage years. After high school, I moved in with my uncle in NJ while attending college. He was a complete mess. His methods of psychological abuse were even more sophisticated and brutal than my parent's. It ranged from the "mild" everyday passive-aggressive snarky comments, all the way to taking me, without my consent, to see prostitutes at the age of 16 and harassing me to find a brothel near the school i was attending. My uncle had a rule that "my bathroom" should be cleaned once a week. It had to be so clean that even if you wipe the toilet or the sink with a white glove, no dust would show up. In that environment, I shut down my emotions even further. In retaliation, I planned to kill his soul. I knew that every time he insulted me for being "dirty and spoiled" he was killing his capacity for good. When Socrates says in Part 3 of the series at 20:06 "If you kill such a one as I am, you would have injured yourselves more than you have injured me" I am reminded of myself at age 16. I consciously decided not to clean the bathroom as my uncle wanted and thus I was metaphorically handing him a whip for him to beat me unjustly and thus destroying his soul.  During my first college semester and after my first philosophy class, I asked for his opinion on what the professor said. He looked at me with an angry face as if he was telling me "You stupid idiot. Why do you worry about such things?" and he changed the topic. He continued his snarky comments and passive-aggression for the remainder of my stay with him (which was 4 years).  Now, I've always considered myself a very smart and rational person. And, after realizing that I was fighting a losing battle, I decided to withdraw my brain from my uncle's life. I stopped making comments and responses to whatever he would say. Whenever he would make a stupid argument I would always say that he was correct. To this day I am not sure if that was the right attitude. I knew that by withdrawing my feedback I was enabling his corruption to continue. I also knew that my cousins (which at the time were 1, 3 and 6 y/o) were going to suffer just as I did. With all that information I still decided to stay quiet.  In Part 6 of the series at 15:13 Stef says that "when the good are being mauled by the evil, they look at the majority for help and protection. If they are ignored, then they elevate the evil into mastery of the majority". I feel that I consciously did this to my cousins. Since no one came to my protection I allowed my uncle to stay as he was - without any criticism from my part.  My obsession with ethics and certainty in general incremented exponentially during my stay at my uncle's house. My parents had broken my emotional legs and rendered me susceptible to my uncle who did all those things "for my own good". After all, I had to become a "real man" by visiting prostitutes and of course: What's wrong with having a clean bathroom?

[Lians]

For those who are interested in the context of the topic (and don't know that you can click on the icon in the upper right of the quote box), here's a link to the thread where I made that comment: http://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/38213-the-curse-of-knowledge

 

My heart goes out to you... What an unbelievably fucked up environment to be in at such a tender age. I'll tell you a little bit about my own history in case you find my perspective useful.

 

I can relate to what you're saying because my own parents put me through a lot of verbal abuse; humiliation was a daily occurrence for me. They called me a phony philosopher whenever I pushed back the madness with reason. I absolutely hated it when they called me that.

 

I cried when I first watched this series a few years ago. At the time, I couldn't quite access the full range of emotions that it brought up in me. Much later, when I was watching it for the second time, I already knew what I was looking for both in the story and within me - the desire for vengeance. Images of me going back home and punching my parents through a wall started flooding my mind. I was feeling what my tortured younger self couldn't acknowledge at the time.

 

I was a rebellious kid (freedom fighter is what I'd call it now) and when I was around 12 years old I got into yet another conflict with my mother. "You [mum and dad] don't love me," is what I said to her. My mother started screeching and my father stormed into the room. They proceeded to yell and threaten me into accepting that they did, in fact, love me. Madness. From that moment on, with one exception, I never got into a serious fight with them. They were delighted by this transformation, but they didn't know what the future had in store for them. Every time they treated me badly, I'd say nothing. I wouldn't retaliate, I'd just go along to appease them. Unconsciously, I was starting to enact my revenge.

 

My parents could no longer project their sins on my rebellious behaviour, so their guilt started eating away at their happiness even faster. I've heard stories of my father getting piss drunk and crying about what he had done to me (the verbal abuse was just one dimension of my suffering), and my mother became a hypochondriac. They had no idea where the damage was coming from.

 

When I was working through my history with passive aggression I had to decide what I wanted to do with my desire for revenge. I knew not to suppress it, and in my negotiations with this vengeful part, we came to a mutually beneficial agreement. I'd take on the once dreaded title of a philosopher and work towards creating a world where it's people like my parents that would have to drink the hemlock. Philosophy would become a shield for my empathy, and at the same time, with philosophy as a sword, I'd be enacting non-violent, systematic revenge, not just on my parents, but every abuser out there. Even though I won't be there to see it, a part of me feels happy about the brutal self-destruction of my parents. They taught me well as a kid: You reap what you sow.

 

Now I'd like to address a few things in your post.

 

In Part 6 of the series at 15:13 Stef says that "when the good are being mauled by the evil, they look at the majority for help and protection. If they are ignored, then they elevate the evil into mastery of the majority". I feel that I consciously did this to my cousins. Since no one came to my protection I allowed my uncle to stay as he was - without any criticism from my part.

 

What would have happened if you criticised him? You've just described a highly volatile and possibly dangerous man. What would have happened to your cousins had you triggered his rage? What would have happened to you?

 

Let's say you relinquished the passive aggression and fully submitted to your uncle. I don't think that's humanly possible, but it's worthwhile to examine the other extreme. What would be left of your personality? When you are enslaved, passive aggression is a healthy thing to have as long as you're conscious about it. When it's unconscious, we almost certainly become addicted to it.

 

It's also important to recognize that you can't change others; not your uncle, not anyone. Even in the psychological profession, practitioners are taught that you can't do anything about people who aren't willing to change; you can only assist them in their desire to heal.

 

My obsession with certainty - especially ethics - was precisely so that I could be admired and praised for knowing the truth. I hate being wrong in public (especially when it comes to important topics) Sometimes I blush when i say something that is not correct or make silly mistakes.  [...] My obsession with ethics and certainty in general incremented exponentially during my stay at my uncle's house. My parents had broken my emotional legs and rendered me susceptible to my uncle who did all those things "for my own good". After all, I had to become a "real man" by visiting prostitutes and of course: What's wrong with having a clean bathroom?

 

There's a reason why I used attraction rather than obsession in the part that you quoted. An even better word for it would be passion. There's a negative connotation to the word obsession. It's associated with irrational behaviour. The things you are obsessed about are not actionable. Teenage girls who are fans of Justin Bieber are said to be obsessed with his personality because they "love" him even though they can never fulfil their desire to be with him. It's the same with people who hang onto impossible life goals.

 

Ethics is not only perfectly actionable, but with the exception of the laws of nature, it's the most powerful force in all of human history. Whoever control ethics controls the world. You already know that. You saw it in the story of the trial and death of Socrates. Reaching across the ages, the ghostly hand of a man who died two and half millennia ago is still trying to strangle the future. His cursed speech is so embedded in our culture that people don't even know that he's speaking through them. I was absolutely terrified when I first heard his dying words. We're given a rehashing of his speech every time we bring up anarchy in a conversation. To me, Stef's treatment of the death of Socrates is not only a beautiful and enlightening story, but also the mission statement of what we're trying to achieve as a community. Take pride in your passion for ethics!

 

On a side note, I wrote a related post that you can find here: http://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/38234-anarchism-in-the-media/#entry350057

 

Aristophanes' comedy says a lot about the impact of philosophy on a morally corrupt society.

[Ancient Mariner]

Thanks for replying and I'm sorry you went through such abuse with your parents. In my case, the visible abuse started with my uncle and that I allowed me to "wake up". I don't know If I would have had the courage to confront my demons if it was my father who did the things my uncle did.  

What would have happened if you criticised him? You've just described a highly volatile and possibly dangerous man. What would have happened to your cousins had you triggered his rage? What would have happened to you?

There a few of reasons I resorted to passive-aggressive vengeance against my uncle instead of direct criticism: 1. He would have kicked me out of his house even earlier than he eventually did. I didn't want to risk my college degree. I didn't know if I could have afforded to pay for an apartment and college at the same time. Plus, back then I was under a "student visa" so I really needed to stay in college or I would have lost my visa. 2. I didn't want to get my parents involved. At the time, in my head, i had the narrative that "I didn't want to start a family fight". In retrospect, I feel that I really didn't want to start looking at my parents as the source of my problems. I didn't understand that they failed to protect me and sent me to live with a monster. Even after I moved out of my uncle's house and my parents divorced, it took me a few years to connect the dots. 3. I really wanted revenge against my uncle. I have anger against my parents when I analyze my early childhood life or when I confront my mother and she gets defensive and evasive. However, that anger exhausts me and it ends up transforming into grief and sadness. On the other hand, the anger that I feel against my uncle is somehow much more visceral and enraging. I don't know if it is because what I went through with him is clearer in my head (since i have clearer memories of it) or it is a way for my mind to shift the focus away from my parents. 

Let's say you relinquished the passive aggression and fully submitted to your uncle. I don't think that's humanly possible, but it's worthwhile to examine the other extreme. What would be left of your personality? When you are enslaved, passive aggression is a healthy thing to have as long as you're conscious about it. When it's unconscious, we almost certainly become addicted to it.

I was very conscious of my passive-aggression at the time. However, for a long time, I felt very guilty for feeling it. I come from a Catholic background so feeling anger towards relatives always had negative connotations. In some ways I still doubt my actions as you can see from my post. Fortunately, I have learned to empathize with my emotions so I don't criticize myself for feeling what I feel.  

It's also important to recognize that you can't change others; not your uncle, not anyone. Even in the psychological profession, practitioners are taught that you can't do anything about people who aren't willing to change; you can only assist them in their desire to heal.

I know that I can't change anyone. I've learned that through the discussions with my mother. Thanks for asking good questions and letting me to put into words what I've felt for a long time. I feel that as I keep writing and verbalizing my emotions I will learn to be at peace with my decision. 

There's a reason why I used attraction rather than obsession in the part that you quoted. An even better word for it would be passion. 

 

That's definitely a better word for it.  

On a side note, I wrote a related post that you can find here: http://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/38234-anarchism-in-the-media/#entry350057 Aristophanes' comedy says a lot about the impact of philosophy on a morally corrupt society.

I will take a look at that link. Thanks a lot for your time!

[Lians]

Glad I could be of help. The negotiations with my vengeful part took place during a period of intense anger that I named after a song - seven days to the wolves. Without acting out, I allowed the seemingly endless anger to course through my entire mind and body. No judgements and no reservations on my part. Afterwards, the sadness and exhaustion came with a new knowledge, attitude and resolve within me. It was a life-changing experience.