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Posted

I need help finding this video/podcast.

Please help me. 

 

 

Stef ones said to a caller who around you benefits from you being ... (dysfunctional) 

 

 

its not an old episode, its in last couple of months. 

Posted

Could you provide more details? What was the caller's question? Was it a male caller? Was it a call-in show or a listener convo?

 

My guess that you may be talking about this call : http://youtu.be/ZA8EDHqHhmg?t=1h59m27s

 

The topic is a guy calling in about an ex wife and his christian family. And how the people in our lives need to have our backs, and when they don't, it has some dark implications. It's a really great call.

 

Another call that could be it is this one : http://youtu.be/aUFt-HrTfO4?t=1h46m56s

 

It's a caller from panama who was forced to take care of his mother. Stef argues that if you forgive people who don't deserve it, you end up becoming more irresponsible yourself. That codependency implied seems to be kinda what your quotation is around.

Posted

Thanks guys, It was a call in show . 

It was a guy. I forgot specifically what the question was. 

But it ended up being that his parents benefited from his disfunction . I forgot what specifically it was. 

 

And yes Stef said this a couple of times . But i remember ones he briefly explained why he asked that question.

 

 

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply 

Posted

i love that idea so much. It has been very helpful in my relationships.

Yeah, same here. 

 

Could you provide more details? What was the caller's question? Was it a male caller? Was it a call-in show or a listener convo?

 

My guess that you may be talking about this call : http://youtu.be/ZA8EDHqHhmg?t=1h59m27s

 

The topic is a guy calling in about an ex wife and his christian family. And how the people in our lives need to have our backs, and when they don't, it has some dark implications. It's a really great call.

 

Another call that could be it is this one : http://youtu.be/aUFt-HrTfO4?t=1h46m56s

 

It's a caller from panama who was forced to take care of his mother. Stef argues that if you forgive people who don't deserve it, you end up becoming more irresponsible yourself. That codependency implied seems to be kinda what your quotation is around.

 

Kevin i just finished watching those and it wasn't any of those. 

Ill repost if i find it . 

Could you provide more details? What was the caller's question? Was it a male caller? Was it a call-in show or a listener convo?

 

My guess that you may be talking about this call : http://youtu.be/ZA8EDHqHhmg?t=1h59m27s

 

The topic is a guy calling in about an ex wife and his christian family. And how the people in our lives need to have our backs, and when they don't, it has some dark implications. It's a really great call.

 

Another call that could be it is this one : http://youtu.be/aUFt-HrTfO4?t=1h46m56s

 

It's a caller from panama who was forced to take care of his mother. Stef argues that if you forgive people who don't deserve it, you end up becoming more irresponsible yourself. That codependency implied seems to be kinda what your quotation is around.

 

 

Oky Kevin i think i remember what the call was about . 

It was about a guy who's mother invited him over for dinners. 

And the poor guy had trouble finding a love relationship. 

 

And stef asked him who around you benefits from you staying paralyzed . 

 

and he couldn't answer.. and then he explained it was his mother, she was being selfish 

 

 

I think it was that one , i might be wrong 

Posted

Why is finding this one specific podcast so important, are you having similar problems to the caller?

 

 

I want to re listen to it . 

because I'm in a similar situation, different context . 

 

I spent all night looking for it . 

Posted
Oky Kevin i think i remember what the call was about . 

It was about a guy who's mother invited him over for dinners. 

And the poor guy had trouble finding a love relationship.

 

I remember those details but I'm pretty sure it was Stefan telling a story about someone he knew who was complaining to him about not being able to find a woman while at the same time having dinner with his mother every night. Stefan then talked about how a free dinner cooked by your mother sounds nice but there is a hidden cost, in that the time you are spending with her is not being spent dating or whatever. I remember it being one of the earlier podcasts, if I remember the number I'll come back and post it.

Posted

I remember those details but I'm pretty sure it was Stefan telling a story about someone he knew who was complaining to him about not being able to find a woman while at the same time having dinner with his mother every night. Stefan then talked about how a free dinner cooked by your mother sounds nice but there is a hidden cost, in that the time you are spending with her is not being spent dating or whatever. I remember it being one of the earlier podcasts, if I remember the number I'll come back and post it.

 

 

 

Thanks, that would be great 

Posted

Yeah, and how does that affect the person's (children's ) character . 

 

My mother was someone who only used her children to further her own needs/goals. This lead to any desire, emotion, need, or goal to be completely and utterly invalid and in turn suppressed and repressed from existence. This would happen because my mother would get incredibly angry if we expressed unapproved thoughts or behaviors. We learned to not have any.

 

This in turn led to "friendships" where I would seek out narcissists who would then use my blank repressed state to manipulate and use me as a human mirror. There was never anything of myself, or my personality that was ever at issue, and any attempt on my part to express myself would be met with resistance and negativity so my "friends" would not lose the mirror to their narcissism. I was obviously a voluntary participant since my history had created a pattern of dependence on other people to fulfill my personality but it lead to a pretty vicious cycle.

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