aFireInside Posted December 26, 2013 Posted December 26, 2013 I need help finding this video/podcast. Please help me. Stef ones said to a caller who around you benefits from you being ... (dysfunctional) its not an old episode, its in last couple of months.
kalmia Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 I think I remember a similar conversation multiple times and more than a couple months ago, but not sure.
Kevin Beal Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Could you provide more details? What was the caller's question? Was it a male caller? Was it a call-in show or a listener convo? My guess that you may be talking about this call : http://youtu.be/ZA8EDHqHhmg?t=1h59m27s The topic is a guy calling in about an ex wife and his christian family. And how the people in our lives need to have our backs, and when they don't, it has some dark implications. It's a really great call. Another call that could be it is this one : http://youtu.be/aUFt-HrTfO4?t=1h46m56s It's a caller from panama who was forced to take care of his mother. Stef argues that if you forgive people who don't deserve it, you end up becoming more irresponsible yourself. That codependency implied seems to be kinda what your quotation is around.
aFireInside Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 Thanks guys, It was a call in show . It was a guy. I forgot specifically what the question was. But it ended up being that his parents benefited from his disfunction . I forgot what specifically it was. And yes Stef said this a couple of times . But i remember ones he briefly explained why he asked that question. Thanks for taking the time to read and reply
Holo Cene Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 i love that idea so much. It has been very helpful in my relationships.
aFireInside Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 i love that idea so much. It has been very helpful in my relationships. Yeah, same here. Could you provide more details? What was the caller's question? Was it a male caller? Was it a call-in show or a listener convo? My guess that you may be talking about this call : http://youtu.be/ZA8EDHqHhmg?t=1h59m27s The topic is a guy calling in about an ex wife and his christian family. And how the people in our lives need to have our backs, and when they don't, it has some dark implications. It's a really great call. Another call that could be it is this one : http://youtu.be/aUFt-HrTfO4?t=1h46m56s It's a caller from panama who was forced to take care of his mother. Stef argues that if you forgive people who don't deserve it, you end up becoming more irresponsible yourself. That codependency implied seems to be kinda what your quotation is around. Kevin i just finished watching those and it wasn't any of those. Ill repost if i find it . Could you provide more details? What was the caller's question? Was it a male caller? Was it a call-in show or a listener convo? My guess that you may be talking about this call : http://youtu.be/ZA8EDHqHhmg?t=1h59m27s The topic is a guy calling in about an ex wife and his christian family. And how the people in our lives need to have our backs, and when they don't, it has some dark implications. It's a really great call. Another call that could be it is this one : http://youtu.be/aUFt-HrTfO4?t=1h46m56s It's a caller from panama who was forced to take care of his mother. Stef argues that if you forgive people who don't deserve it, you end up becoming more irresponsible yourself. That codependency implied seems to be kinda what your quotation is around. Oky Kevin i think i remember what the call was about . It was about a guy who's mother invited him over for dinners. And the poor guy had trouble finding a love relationship. And stef asked him who around you benefits from you staying paralyzed . and he couldn't answer.. and then he explained it was his mother, she was being selfish I think it was that one , i might be wrong
Culain Posted December 27, 2013 Posted December 27, 2013 Why is finding this one specific podcast so important, are you having similar problems to the caller?
aFireInside Posted December 27, 2013 Author Posted December 27, 2013 Why is finding this one specific podcast so important, are you having similar problems to the caller? I want to re listen to it . because I'm in a similar situation, different context . I spent all night looking for it .
Holo Cene Posted December 28, 2013 Posted December 28, 2013 Are you wondering how people manipulate others to their own ends?
aFireInside Posted December 29, 2013 Author Posted December 29, 2013 Are you wondering how people manipulate others to their own ends? Yeah, and how does that affect the person's (children's ) character .
cynicist Posted January 1, 2014 Posted January 1, 2014 Oky Kevin i think i remember what the call was about . It was about a guy who's mother invited him over for dinners. And the poor guy had trouble finding a love relationship. I remember those details but I'm pretty sure it was Stefan telling a story about someone he knew who was complaining to him about not being able to find a woman while at the same time having dinner with his mother every night. Stefan then talked about how a free dinner cooked by your mother sounds nice but there is a hidden cost, in that the time you are spending with her is not being spent dating or whatever. I remember it being one of the earlier podcasts, if I remember the number I'll come back and post it.
aFireInside Posted January 1, 2014 Author Posted January 1, 2014 I remember those details but I'm pretty sure it was Stefan telling a story about someone he knew who was complaining to him about not being able to find a woman while at the same time having dinner with his mother every night. Stefan then talked about how a free dinner cooked by your mother sounds nice but there is a hidden cost, in that the time you are spending with her is not being spent dating or whatever. I remember it being one of the earlier podcasts, if I remember the number I'll come back and post it. Thanks, that would be great
Holo Cene Posted January 4, 2014 Posted January 4, 2014 Yeah, and how does that affect the person's (children's ) character . My mother was someone who only used her children to further her own needs/goals. This lead to any desire, emotion, need, or goal to be completely and utterly invalid and in turn suppressed and repressed from existence. This would happen because my mother would get incredibly angry if we expressed unapproved thoughts or behaviors. We learned to not have any. This in turn led to "friendships" where I would seek out narcissists who would then use my blank repressed state to manipulate and use me as a human mirror. There was never anything of myself, or my personality that was ever at issue, and any attempt on my part to express myself would be met with resistance and negativity so my "friends" would not lose the mirror to their narcissism. I was obviously a voluntary participant since my history had created a pattern of dependence on other people to fulfill my personality but it lead to a pretty vicious cycle.
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