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Breakdown of marriage - from listener conversation


miked

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Hi All

I wanted to make available some notes I took down from a podcast where Stef talks with a man who discusses the breakdown of his marriage, in particular the behaviour of his wife. I'm not sure which podcast it was...

Can you suggest any more? If so, feel free to post below.

 

Signs a person is preparing to leave a marriage and abscond with children
- Removal of money from joint accounts
- Not paying bills
- Spending more time with friends
- Talking to/flirting with strange members of the opposite sex
- Making the other person sleep on the couch or a friend's house
- Throwing things/violent in front of children
- Unexpectedly allows time with children - usually occurs right before she leaves with children
- Unexpectedly allows affection e.g. sex, kissing, where it was previously being witheld
- Plays children against the other person
- Children showing signs of 'brainwashing'

Signs of demise
- Fundamental disagreement about what marriage is supposed to be
- Changes after birth of children
- Taking children to family, friends without the involvement of other persons
- Correcting the parental discipline of the opposite partner to win affection from children
- Campaign of alienation against the partner

Warning signs before marriage
- Tending to marginalize partner to the point where they would get angry at the partner pointing out the marginalization
- Not having any expectations about nurturing the relationship
- Expecting to be cared for, paid for and looked after without reciprocity, but threat with withdrawal of sex
- Selfishness/spoiled
- A honey trap - Physically appealing and outgoing - don't mistake accidental characteristics for personal virtues
- Likes attention from other men/women
- Men -Vengeance of the beta male to screw up the alpha female
- Lack of intelligence or willingness to learn and explore
- Entitlement complex
- Not willing to look at self-knowledge 
- Lack of empathy for the unfortunate

Beware personal failings
- Have you been conditioned to be treated in a certain way in your childhood, which means you will be put up with shitty behaviour?
- Do not get married or have children without self-work - very dangerous thing to do
- Hanging with the wrong crowd? If bad people like you then there is something in your behaviour you have to be aware of
- Don't have kids straight away, especially with worldly, attractive people - unfortunately despite the stereotyping there are indeed greater risks here

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