Men as ghosts

[PatrickC]

A little long perhaps, but very insightful peek into many a mans life.

 

 

"There is no brotherhood amongst men".. I'd like to change that.

 

"In terms of helping men. Men first need to be able to acknowledge their vulnerability. Because once a man owns that, he can address his fear and his lack of connection. And that's when a man truly feels the confidence to create change in his life. By accepting his vulnerability he grows in strength and in self acceptance. As his confidence increases and so does his capacity for introspection. If at this point he shakes off the shackles of societal expectation this quote literally can be his second birth, where he effectively reassesses his life and lives by his own terms... That to me, that's the definition of masculinity"

[King David]

I am ghost generally by default, partially relegated by societal norms, and increasingly by decision and my own apathy.  What is funny now days to me, is that I visibly don't give a hoot, and people now at least pretend to care about what concerns me.

 

I have tried to imagine a place where I could possibly be more disenfranchised than I am in this world, and I really draw a blank.  Even if I was slave, subject to daily abuse and humiliation, at least some people would have a place for me in their world and come to depend on me in some way.  Show you empathy in some way etc. etc..  Your slave owner in no uncertain terms will establish your place, my world on the other hand deliberately displays all the wonderful things that a man should be, and as soon as you achieve any male talisman, there are quickly scores of people there waiting to take what you acquired, denigrating and berating you and deciding how that no other men have "privilege" over their female counterparts ever again.

 

This is the Canada I have come to know, I cannot imagine anywhere's else could be worse than here.  Perhaps it could be just as bad, for example in Sweden, but nowhere's could be worse.

 

 

KD

[Lians]

An interesting video. The title ties well into his thoughts on how society attacks male vulnerability. Without vulnerability, genuine connection is impossible. He's got interesting stuff to say about male sexuality in his other videos. I subscribed to his channel and will be following his content. Thanks for sharing, xelent!

[Kevin Beal]

I was singing American Pie by Don Mclean to myself in my car and the part "I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride" and I thought about how it's often the case that widows receive all the sympathy and not the guy who actually died, who lost the opportunity to grow old and watch his kids grow up and all of this sort of thing.

 

Maybe there is a good reason for the sympathy to be directed that way, I don't know, but it struck me how his life was only of value insofar as he provided benefit to her. I suddenly cried, parked and rested my head on the steering wheel. It was such a strange experience.

 

...that was this morning.

 

I am occasionally reminded of what value my life may be worth and I feel a bit antsy, rushed motivation to achieve great things (and then forgetting about it as soon as I could distract myself). I've had it my whole life.

 

This whole insecurity around being worthy: worthy of respect and admiration, worthy of love. Having been terribly isolated as a child, born to indifferent and emotionally absent parents.

 

The emotional castration talked about in the video really speaks to me. This desire for romantic love to free me from my own lack of connection, to be deemed masculine by the opposite sex. So I can finally be vulnerably myself, desired for who I am. An escape from the world I felt I was shoved into, devoid of sincerity, encouraging me to protect myself by being stoic, emotionless.

 

A legion of broken hearted men, discouraged and repressed.

 

/thinking out loud

 

...also, this guy has a very interesting video about female psychopathy worth watching.

[PatrickC]

A legion of broken hearted men, discouraged and repressed.

 

This reminded me of when I lved in Bedsit land when I was 17. Living amongst these middle aged guys that had been divorced and were paying child support. Unable to entertain their children in their bedsits for lack of room. But mostly because some of the residents whose lifestyles were probably not fit for little childrens eyes. Often wallowing in alcohol most evenings, slowly drinking themselves to death.

[LovePrevails]

A little long perhaps, but very insightful peek into many a mans life.

 

 

"There is no brotherhood amongst men".. I'd like to change that.

 

"In terms of helping men. Men first need to be able to acknowledge their vulnerability. Because once a man owns that, he can address his fear and his lack of connection. And that's when a man truly feels the confidence to create change in his life. By accepting his vulnerability he grows in strength and in self acceptance. As his confidence increases and so does his capacity for introspection. If at this point he shakes off the shackles of societal expectation this quote literally can be his second birth, where he effectively reassesses his life and lives by his own terms... That to me, that's the definition of masculinity"

 

I thought it was good except around 5 minutes when he started talking about marriage

and also the contradiction between "lack of mating opportunities" and "going from relationship to relationship"

 

I like when this information isn't presented with the latent misogyny it tends to be presented with

it harms the efficaciousness of the message

[PatrickC]

I thought it was good except around 5 minutes when he started talking about marriage

and also the contradiction between "lack of mating opportunities" and "going from relationship to relationship"

 

I think he's distinguishing between different male experiences. Some men have very few to no relationships in their lives, whilst others seem to go through a string of them.

[PatrickC]

I am ghost generally by default, partially relegated by societal norms, and increasingly by decision and my own apathy.  What is funny now days to me, is that I visibly don't give a hoot, and people now at least pretend to care about what concerns me.

 

I wasn't initially going to mention this KD, given that I hardly know you and it's not necessarily any of my business either. But this statement made me feel quite sad when I read it. My rather small experience of you makes me think you are much more than a ghost.

[King David]

I wasn't initially going to mention this KD, given that I hardly know you and it's not necessarily any of my business either. But this statement made me feel quite sad when I read it. My rather small experience of you makes me think you are much more than a ghost.

 

I'm not entirely ghost, but this has only been because I was a hopeless blue pill romantic until recently, and until now would spend most of my energy shoehorning my place into social circles.  I would add this is not a natural tendency of myself as I do not thrive off of attention, hence the necessity of the shoehorn. 

 

This approach to life was a result of me falling hook line and sinker for the social program set out for me by the women and educators that dominated my formative years.   

 

Nowadays, you could say that the bottom has fallen out of social currencies for me.  Why would I expend energy in exchange for currencies that to me hold little or no value? These currencies are so cheap in fact, that they can be acquired with snake oil trickery that feckless PUA's employ. My approach had not served me in the past, and I can't see how it would serve me in the future. 

 

The sum of my life's activity is comprised of my work, a small number of bills that I pay, practicing my faith, and the relationship I have with my nephew.  It's not that I have nothing to contribute to society, it's that I am entirely fed up with sacrificing my credibility and energy to influence people who's malice and conceit is nothing short of staggering.  My experience is that it is infinitely better to tuck in your lip, pull your hat down and mind your own business.  Nothing good can come from exposing yourself socially in this environment.

 

KD

[PatrickC]

Your lack of interest in women is understandable. I certainly took a hiatus from them for a few years. Concentrating on other parts of your life is I think something men have to relearn. And yes, I'm sorry about the shitty sacrificing and the female influence in your formative years. I think the sadness I felt was more to do with what 'seems' like your enforced social isolation at the moment. Insofar as you can meet with other men that you share interests with.

 

For me that's been quite a rewarding experience. Even though I understand that some of those men can exhibit some white knight chicanery. But if it's a male interest you're much less likely to experience it. It's interesting to note that when you get men alone with each other, it's surprising how many of them will open up and even wake up slowly. Not that your obligated to do so, but it does make those relationships much stronger if you do. This could also be a great way to introduce your nephew to other men perhaps.

 

Again, none of my business, but I think this board does lend itself to some vocal empathy. So I hope you don't mind my thoughts.

[King David]

Your lack of interest in women is understandable. I certainly took a hiatus from them for a few years. Concentrating on other parts of your life is I think something men have to relearn. And yes, I'm sorry about the shitty sacrificing and the female influence in your formative years. I think the sadness I felt was more to do with what 'seems' like your enforced social isolation at the moment. Insofar as you can meet with other men that you share interests with. For me that's been quite a rewarding experience. Even though I understand that some of those men can exhibit some white knight chicanery. But if it's a male interest you're much less likely to experience it. It's interesting to note that when you get men alone with each other, it's surprising how many of them will open up and even wake up slowly. Not that your obligated to do so, but it does make those relationships much stronger if you do. This could also be a great way to introduce your nephew to other men perhaps. Again, none of my business, but I think this board does lend itself to some vocal empathy. So I hope you don't mind my thoughts.

 

I certainly don't mind hearing your thoughts xelent, I would naturally ghost this forum if I didn't feel their were any intellectually respectable contributors here.  With very few people in my life, it is good to get some feedback anyways.

 

My isolation used to bother me, but now is more of a relief.  The men I know for the most part all encourage female entitlement, very extremely in some cases.  This is not the environment I want for myself or for my nephew.  I would think that for a married man to admit that female entitlement can be a destructive force would be quite undermining and damming, therefore they would naturally avoid opening up to the concept.  At any rate, I don't feel it is my place to confront them or any other men for that matter about it.  Too much self deception in that bag of snakes.  I am sure that if you me and him were to hang out, it would be quite a pleasant and empowering experience for him, but from what I gather you live across the pond from me and I don't see that happening soon.

 

All I can do is seek some environment where this is not the case, and in reality there are not that many anywhere.  If I were to imagine how many places I have ever been where women were not in charge of the social atmosphere, and then further reduce that from where the guys there were not talking or primarily concerned about women and sex, I start to imagine that scene in The Matrix when they were loading the program from a blank....white, just white everywhere's, out until infinity.  Past infinity is more white. 

 

Myself, I remember quite critically reflecting on my social persona and sexuality when I began playing hockey regionally, and I got my first real exposure to a candid expose of what men sound like when they are talking to each other.  For my nephew, all of his hockey teams have had girls on the team and in the dressing room.  With women filling the ranks and leagues of hockey these days there probably never will be a similar chance for him to experience an all male team of his peers, where there is an opportunity for the boys to be boys.  This was for me a large part of the experience that I loved about my hockey.

 

I also don't think this is a coincidence these spaces are disappearing over time.  The old Nosey Nellies will have it that no man will ever be alone with his own devices in the future.  Starting from president elect Hillary Clinton down to your agro butch hockey "egalitarian" moms, if they have nothing better to do than get up in your business, then there will be no escaping them.

 

KD