A Commision For a Painting

[callmeal]

So i got an email from my secondary school art teacher yesterday. She is doing a retrospective of her past students who have gone on to study art at higher education. Apparently i'm on some email lists i was previously unaware of, and my name came up. It is true that after leaving her class i have gone on to study art at a good university, and i am starting to make breakthroughs into forming some sort of career. i would not attribute my success as an artist to her tuition however.

 

As an art teacher, i found that she suffered from all the negative clichés that could possibly apply to an art teacher. She was a person who had clearly had no artistic success and instead lived her failed dreams through her job in a public school dominating small children. As a small child, i found her formidable and i never felt particularly endeared to work hard in class. On her part, she considered me a dreamer and a waste of her time. Luckily enough, her complete lack of any encouragement did not pervert me from my cause and i went on to achieve what i thought was a successful body of work for her to mark me on. She gave me a B grade, which i sincerely believe was the bare minimum she could have given me. As a side note: another of her particular perversions is a singular style of painting which she inflicts on her students like a savage burn, whilst doggedly punishing students who worked outside of her style. i am still in contact with some of her past student's and they still have the scars of this style show up in their work. in an opertunistic sence, there is a good opertunety to stand out in a sea of the same style.

 

6 years after breaking contact and pursuing my own goals, i receive this email from the blue. She is offering me a small amount of money, which is nice, and on top of this, appearing in a public gallery can only help my career prospects. plus there is always the hidden benefit of a feeling of vindication. i honestly believe i can produce a really good piece of work for this show, which will be a opportunity to prove to myself that the rejection she directed towards me was unfounded.

 

i am in no doubt that this retrospective is a self-serving endeavour to further her career, and any work of merit will be attributed to her. on some level i think that i should play no part in such flagrant false advertising. Also after listening to freedomain radio, i have tried to make my art be an honest exploration of my true self, which has resulted in some new work. the thought of giving this emotional exploration of my deepest feelings to this corrupt woman gives me the hebbe geebies. i am also worried about the work being subconsciously repressed, or even actively censored by her (i have seen her pick up art work and make huge changes without asking) with the result being a morally corrupt work.

 

ultimately, however, i feel this kind of opportunity might only come one time and i don't want to miss it. I would like to think that my art will stand up against corruption and so i don't want to snub it because of my own internal fears. I would like opinions on whether you think this endeavour is futile, whether my eagerness to do this work indicates something troubling in my subconcious and any advice you might have towards entering this kind of arrangement with a dangerous person.

[dsayers]

Welcome to FDR!

 

the thought of giving this emotional exploration of my deepest feelings to this corrupt woman gives me the hebbe geebies.

 

You're certainly free to voluntarily interact with whomever you choose for whatever reason you choose. That said, I wouldn't look at it in this light. You're exchanging a service for money, which is to your benefit. If she benefits from it too, that has nothing to do with you. If you withhold your service from her, she will likely find it elsewhere, so you're not going to stop her from artificially patting herself on the back for others to view her as successful. I'd take the money and enjoy knowing that she's basically admitting she was wrong.

 

I laughed when I read the part about an art teacher dismissing a student as a dreamer. Is that not the basis for art?

[ribuck]

If I were in your position, I would definitely take the commission. You are quite clear that it would be advantageous to you.

 

It seems your argument against taking the commission is that it might boost her career. I don't see why this should concern you. When I buy something from the store, I don't worry about whether or not it boosts the storekeeper's earnings; I just look at the costs and benefits from my point of view.

 

So I feel perhaps you have a slight desire for revenge. I don't think revenge is a productive thing, but nevertheless you can "have your cake and eat it" if you wish.

 

You could accept the commission, and produce a work of art that functions at two levels. On the more superficial level, it would tick all the boxes for the retrospective. On a deeper level you could add some meaning relating to her corruption and censorship. You could incorporate a parody of her singular style. You could make a statement about the relationship between integrity and falsehood.

 

Of course if she is as shallow as you suspect, she won't suspect a thing. You can keep it as your own private joke, or you can share it with your clients and friends, or you can "leak" it during the exhibition and create a lot of interesting publicity that would probably be good for your career.

 

Anyway, congratulations on being invited! It says something when a former teacher wants to bask in the student's glory.

[Lians]

I'm with ribuck on this one, take the commission but make sure you explore your feelings for this teacher. That being said, I wouldn't get involved in a long-term business relationship with someone like that. If things go well and that's an option, I wouldn't take it. I had a similar art teacher and I can sympathise with your difficulty. I think it's important for you to process your history with her so you don't end up like those former students you mentioned.

[Wuzzums]

You could also make a piece that showcases technique over meaning. Play it on the safe side, you would not be selling your soul, nor putting your soul out there.

[callmeal]

i really like ribuck's idea, although instead of making a conscious effort, i feel just by being introspective on this work i can expose the fundamental corruption at the core of her art tuition.

 

i did find it funny that when i talked to my mum about this commission and she didn't think i should do it. she even mentioned something about me selling my artistic soul 'up the river'. This struck me as slightly unusual because at the time, when i was getting bad grades from this teacher, my mum had sold me 'up the river' by telling me off for not working hard in art class, instead of believing me that the teacher was bad.

 

Clearly she has no regard for my 'artistic soul', else when it was being stomped on for a number of years, she would have intervened. Also she has frequently berated me for not taking commissions because i found them boring so maybe in those circumstances i should have been more hasty to sell my artistic soul up the river for one of my dad's work friends.

 

I was genuinely interested in finding out where this sudden desire to preserve my artistic soul came from, but my mum didn't give me anything insightful. She instead informed me that my girlfriend had given my art teacher my email address. my girlfriend was in the same art class as me, but it nonsensical that she gave my old art teacher my email address, even if she had had been asked she would have consulted me first as she knows how fickle i can be towards commissions. And if she had given away my email address, who cares? it dosn't change any of the fundamental issues at question, it just seems like a kind of blurt, like a Freudian slip. When i asked her why she had mentioned my girlfriend in relation to this issue, she just got more insistent.

 

I think this commission is worth taking up just for the kind of responses i am getting from people when i mention it.

[dsayers]

I enjoy your insight. I've come to realize that when people use vague language (such as up the river, soul, etc), there's usually a reason. Specificity has a way of chasing propaganda away.