Learning to be alone

[Slavik]

Hi, this might be an odd question for some, but very important for me.  All this time of trying to look within , there one question that bothers me.   I cant be alone.  All the times I have been alone, living alone without anyone, it was excruciatingly painful.  It starts as pain then becomes deep depression, and later switches between the two states.  The eventuality of it, is I struggle so much that I desperately start looking for someone, anyone to be with.  I know where this comes, but knowing doesn't seem to help me deal with this.  I seemed to have never learned how to be alone.

So question is, how can I learn to live alone.  Materials (books on the topic would be much appreciated) As I can imagine there is no such thing as one paragraph answer to this.

Thank you in advance.

[dsayers]

If being alone consumes you, this could be an indication that you're not aware of your own identity or otherwise have what you perceive to be a warped identity that you feel the need to escape.

 

Do you do any kind of exercising, dancing, skating, jogging, or anything else that could help put you mind in touch with your body?

 

How in touch are you with your feelings and emotions? How much exploration do you put into your feelings and emotions?

 

When it comes to problem solving, how much of it do you do by thinking alone and how much of it do you also make use of visualization such as drawing a diagram, writing down pros/cons, and other activities that can help you manage the information without having to juggle it all at once?

 

These are just some of the ways I can think of to help round your identity and/or help your mind feel more at home when it's "alone."

[ribuck]

People with different personalities do differ in how much they need to be with others.

 

But who says you need to "be alone" just because you "live alone"?

 

I know people who live alone, but who make a point of having a regular routine that brings them into contact with familiar people. For example, they visit the same coffee shop every morning at the same quiet time every day, so that they get to become regulars and to know all the other regulars. They visit the gym every afternoon, where they become regulars and get to know the other regulars. And they have a hobby on the weekends where they get to spend time with others. From their "hobby" group, they invite people to their house now and then (they try for once a week), and of course it often gets reciprocated.

 

Then, it doesn't matter if they are alone at home sometimes.

[A__]

Sometimes you can be in a room full of people and still be alone. What does it mean for you to be with people? Does it matter what kind of people and what kind of interactions you have with them as long as you're not alone? What does it mean to you to be alone--are there specific thoughts you wish to avoid, perhaps dread? What was it like to be alone when you were a child? Ribuck has some practical solutions for being social but as dsayers mentioned, I think exploring your motivations is primary.

[bootoo]

Im not sure you should learn to be alone

 

Why not learn to be with people?