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Peoples expectations of you are almost always who you become


aFireInside

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I think that there are some people who prefer solitude or isolation because they are unable to maintain their sense of self around others. I am certain that we've all had the experience of falling into a role and acting on the various expectations it contains. I seldom fall into this trap, but when I do I fall hard and it is almost like I have to stop interacting with that person.

 

Though I am guessing, I would say that some people who choose few contacts do so because they are quite prone to this effect. Why they are prone I think might be obvious: childhood. The development of this habit might be quite rational and healthy at the time, like if your family and others all seem to boils on their skin, it makes sense to not very close. I think where the issue lies is in abstracting the sickness to people in general.

 

Like said in the video, you need people to support you in your life in order to be successful.

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I like this. I found this a really powerful idea too lately. I have only in the last few months heard Stef talk about this, I'm not sure if he has only recently been talking about it or if I've just noticed it now. Pete Holmes has also said almost the same thing in his podcast, that when he was starting out in comedy he had to ditch all the friends who weren't serious about comedy, that he had to have the right type of people around.

 

I was on today's show talking about moving out of a dysfunctional roommate situation. And since I moved out I have found myself much more able to be honest, and much more able to explore what I want to do in life. Around those "friends" I was terrified of them discovering things about me. They expected me either to get a degree and find a standard job making 60-80K a year, or be a "failure" and work retail for the rest of my life. And while I lived with them those were the only options I was considering. And I think you're right Ivan, that even if I keep those people around and "do my own thing" it would be really hard, because I had desires that I was hiding from them, but I couldn't act towards them because I needed support. I needed to not be in proximity to people who were hostile to my desires, because how do you aim for your dreams when you feel that your desires are a secret?

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