Relationship

[RomanCRO]

Hello, first i want to apologize for my spelling mestakes. Im from Croatia, so please excuse my "french"

 

I have a question regarding relationships. I did read, and listen to Stephan, and I agree about his point of view. Men look for sexy partner, women look for financial situated partner. Instead of finding partner that has virtues to offer, instead of big breast and so on.

 

I am 36y old (not married), and I did approach women in my life , which i find sexually atractive.

So my question would be..-

 

Who should i approac ? When in a bar, or in place where ppl meets. If i dont approac woman that i like (from out side), who else ? Should i approuch "less" pretty woman, in hope that she is a better person in side ?

 

And what if I meet that woman. Who has planty of virtues ( trustworthy, onest..), and has ol what it takes for a home run, but i find her sexually unatractive ?

 

I finde sex a big part od relationships, so i dont think i could be in a relationship/merriage with "the most virtous, best women in a world", if I dont find her sexually attractive.

 

Can you offer some advice ?

 

Thank you,

RomanCRO

[LovePrevails]

I say be generally friendly and speak to as many strangers as possible get good at starting conversations with strangers and see what is out there

 

if you find a woman who has good qualities of character like kindness and curiosity and you develop excellent communication skills you can easily set the tone for the relationship as a man by talking about these subjects,  how you don't want a relationship with any name-calling for example and if people are upset they should just be able to say how they feel and listen to one another well and talk it out instead of having an argument. You'll know if someone is good relationship material by this little test: the first time they do something that you have a profound negative reaction to you tell them how you feel without blaming them, calling them names, accusing them or moralizing, :--- if they attack you or say it's you who has the problem or anything like that you say "I'm just telling you how I felt about it, I'm not calling you any names or attacking you, and you're responding by attacking me" , if they continue then that's a big bad red light, if they say "yeah I guess you're right sorry I was just being defensive" then it means they are probably interested in working on the relationship. If, on the other hand, they are curious right away and want to talk about it and prevent it from happening again then they are a winner.

 

I don't see how these features are exclusive to finding someone you are attracted to.

[RomanCRO]

I don't see how these features are exclusive to finding someone you are attracted to.

 

 

It does not. My question was on which basis do I choose who do I aproach ?

 

If not to someone who i am attracted to, to who do i approach ?

 

I can not approach every woman in the bar. You cant eaven approach 2-3. When woman ssee that, they call you "the guy who goes from flower to flower".

 

Not to disrespect your oppinion, but is ti possible to ask question directly to Stephan ?

Does this forum has some procedure in which I could ask Stephan my question directly ?

Regards,

ROmanCRO

[LovePrevails]

"Not to disrespect you opinion, but I don't respect your opinion."

 

Why don't you email him instead?

 

there's no reason why you can't approach every girl, so long as sex isn't the only thing in your mind.

It's good to circulate and get to know as many people as possible and find out who is interesting to talk to before you try coming onto someone.

[RomanCRO]

"Not to disrespect you opinion, but I don't respect your opinion."

 

Why don't you email him instead?

 

there's no reason why you can't approach every girl, so long as sex isn't the only thing in your mind.

It's good to circulate and get to know as many people as possible and find out who is interesting to talk to before you try coming onto someone.

 

I didn know you can email him just like that.

 

I didnt say i dont respect it. I you get answer from a school profesor, it does not mean you dont respect him if you ask Einstein the same quest After all, i find him authority in this field. He wrote books, we are on his forum and so on.

 

Maybe his answer will be the same as yours. But if he said it - i would find it "more" good, then frome someone elese i dont know. I appriciate your effort.

 

I can not approach every single gir. I think i wrote an argument why. If you approach 3 girls in a bar, a 4th one will say you are a player and want talk to you, when shi saw you approach first 3.

 

I never hawe only sex in minde with girls. I have 36y and want to start a family, so sex is not first thing on my mind.

[dsayers]

I can not approach every woman in the bar. You cant eaven approach 2-3. When woman ssee that, they call you "the guy who goes from flower to flower".

 

Why does this matter? If you go to such a place to meet people and then you stop trying to meet people because of what other people think/say, you're letting them control your happiness. It's not like what you're doing is immoral, where a 3rd parties input would be relevant.

 

We are sexual beings, so being attracted to a person is part of a relationship. However, I think you'll find that if you enjoy a person, this will actually enhance your attraction to them. When I was younger and lacked virtue, I had met a couple girls through friends of friends over the phone. We'd talk a bit and decide to meet. Obviously since they were meeting people blindly, they weren't lookers, and neither was I. We ended up being attracted to each other more than my first impression would've suggested. I imagine now that I do prioritize and embody virtue, this enhancement to attraction would be that much stronger.

 

Have you tried other avenues other than bars? I hate to generalize, but I don't think that's the best environment to meet Ms. Right. I once worked with a guy that had a theory: If you pick a girl up at the club, that's not your girl. She belongs to the club and she will leave you for the club as soon as she can "better deal" you.

[RomanCRO]

Why does this matter? If you go to such a place to meet people and then you stop trying to meet people because of what other people think/say, you're letting them control your happiness. It's not like what you're doing is immoral, where a 3rd parties input would be relevant.

 

We are sexual beings, so being attracted to a person is part of a relationship. However, I think you'll find that if you enjoy a person, this will actually enhance your attraction to them. When I was younger and lacked virtue, I had met a couple girls through friends of friends over the phone. We'd talk a bit and decide to meet. Obviously since they were meeting people blindly, they weren't lookers, and neither was I. We ended up being attracted to each other more than my first impression would've suggested. I imagine now that I do prioritize and embody virtue, this enhancement to attraction would be that much stronger.

 

Have you tried other avenues other than bars? I hate to generalize, but I don't think that's the best environment to meet Ms. Right. I once worked with a guy that had a theory: If you pick a girl up at the club, that's not your girl. She belongs to the club and she will leave you for the club as soon as she can "better deal" you.

 

 

It matteres because it does not make the job done. 4th person WONT talk to you if they see wou went to 3 girls before her. So if ypou go to meet, and they wont talk to you .- then it matters. Right ?

 

Well other places like work or so, commes naturaly, so if i angage a woman on work place, offcourse i talk to her.

 

From STephan videos, i somehow find that he is somewhat against aproaching to women if you find them sexy.

 

I cant approach to one i find smart, becouse i dont know if she is smart - before i talk to her

 

And from 10 girl, i approach one i like from the outside. Maybe its the wrong thing to do in STepans opinion.

[LovePrevails]

I didnt say i dont respect it. I you get answer from a school profesor, it does not mean you dont respect him if you ask Einstein the same quest After all, i find him authority in this field. He wrote books, we are on his forum and so on.

 

 

As it so happens I'm a relationship coach (www.enrichyourlife.co) that's my job

but you are welcome to Stefan's council if you fire him an email [email protected]

[Libertarian Prepper]

I say be generally friendly and speak to as many strangers as possible get good at starting conversations with strangers and see what is out there

 

if you find a woman who has good qualities of character like kindness and curiosity and you develop excellent communication skills you can easily set the tone for the relationship as a man by talking about these subjects,  how you don't want a relationship with any name-calling for example and if people are upset they should just be able to say how they feel and listen to one another well and talk it out instead of having an argument. You'll know if someone is good relationship material by this little test: the first time they do something that you have a profound negative reaction to you tell them how you feel without blaming them, calling them names, accusing them or moralizing, :--- if they attack you or say it's you who has the problem or anything like that you say "I'm just telling you how I felt about it, I'm not calling you any names or attacking you, and you're responding by attacking me" , if they continue then that's a big bad red light, if they say "yeah I guess you're right sorry I was just being defensive" then it means they are probably interested in working on the relationship. If, on the other hand, they are curious right away and want to talk about it and prevent it from happening again then they are a winner.

 

I don't see how these features are exclusive to finding someone you are attracted to.

I think this is really, really good advice.

[LovePrevails]

I think this is really, really good advice.

thanks, I found that positive feedback was very relieving as I was feeling a bit anxious about the above exchange.

[Nerburg]

I think you have good advice LovePrevails, but not specifically what the OP was asking about, which would explain the roughness of the exchange. Please correct me if I'm wrong OP, but I'm going to put words in your mouth for a minute:

 

"I should not base my decision on a life partner based solely on looks and I'm getting the impression that approaching women based on their attractiveness is wrong, but I can't have an intimate relationship with someone I'm not physically attracted to. How does I resolve this!?"

 

First: There is nothing wrong with approaching women because you find them attractive, especially because you are looking for more than that!

 

Second: check your standards for attractiveness? Are they irrational? (E.g. Obese guy wanting only supermodels... I.e. Are your standards of beauty higher for others than for yourself?)

 

If NO, then absolutely approach the women you're attracted to, because in the absence of ridiculous standards, you'll surely find an emotional attraction to match your physical one, which as LovePrevails says, will probably enhance the physical.

 

If YES, (standards of beauty for self are lower than standards for others, or standards for others are irrational such as only wanting someone who looks like an air-brushed model) Approach the attractive women anyway, but be aware that there's probably something in yourself that you should work on adjusting...

[LovePrevails]

I agree with above

[RomanCRO]

Thnak you all.

 

Yes, that was my question in general. Last 2 relationships i had, ended because girls were cheating on me.

 

I approached them becouse of their sexuall attractivnes.  They were hot, i approached, we het it off.  I find their character apealing, and we were in relationship. First relatinship lasted 4y, last 3y.

 

They were really goodlooking by enyone standards, so the thing that attracted me to them, coused and of relationships.

I dont "control" my partners, and they were free to go out with their girlfends. So they did, and someone else approached them (out of sexy looks and vibes), and I was cheeted.

 

So my question is , am i doing something wrong ? Maybe i should NOT approach that sexy woman, becouse other man will do the same when i am not arround.

 

During my relationships, i was not abile to detect them, as a person that would cheat (i dont).

 

One can say that i did a poor job of taking care for a woman, and there is a reason for cheating on me. But who knows

 

Lpve prevails - i did not mean to offend you. Sorry if you get thet vibe from me.

[Holo Cene]

Thnak you all.

 

Yes, that was my question in general. Last 2 relationships i had, ended because girls were cheating on me.

 

I approached them becouse of their sexuall attractivnes.  They were hot, i approached, we het it off.  I find their character apealing, and we were in relationship. First relatinship lasted 4y, last 3y.

 

They were really goodlooking by enyone standards, so the thing that attracted me to them, coused and of relationships.

I dont "control" my partners, and they were free to go out with their girlfends. So they did, and someone else approached them (out of sexy looks and vibes), and I was cheeted.

 

So my question is , am i doing something wrong ? Maybe i should NOT approach that sexy woman, becouse other man will do the same when i am not arround.

 

During my relationships, i was not abile to detect them, as a person that would cheat (i dont).

 

One can say that i did a poor job of taking care for a woman, and there is a reason for cheating on me. But who knows

 

Lpve prevails - i did not mean to offend you. Sorry if you get thet vibe from me.

 

I would say it is all a part of the process. Keep things in perspective and always have radar for bad people. It is also part of the journey to improve and change with each mistake/problem you encounter. It definitely is not your responsibility that your previous girlfriends cheated, but it is true that we live in a world where females have wayyyyyy more options than men. This phenomena is known in part as hypergamy and keeping aware that it is a voluntary relationship and that you should do your utmost to be the very best man that your woman can choose to be with. You should aim to become the greatest gift to women that the world has ever seen. Aim for the stars and you'll reach the clouds or so they say.

 

Approach wise, I think it is a function of your emotions and how you feel in specific situations and what it is you want to do and which women you want to approach. It is all up to you.

[Brock H]

OP, I'm not sure if this was mentioned or not but bars are definitely not a good place to pick up stable women. You may have just been using it as an example but if not the place at which you are trying to find women should be examined.

 

From my experience most people who regularly go to bars are really not into self knowledge.