Practicing Self Compassion through Self Negotiation

[Three]

This is taken from a journal entry I made the other day and I thought it might be of interest to share. At the moment I'm looking for an extra job to get a little extra cash. I only have an Associates Degree and I have no skills so, finding a job that isn't retail or to do with food is difficult. Especially, since I'm an aspiring to be a philosopher, I really don't want to anything less fulfilling. Yesterday was very interesting. I felt depressed again. So much so that I decided not to fill out any applications. On my way home today, I experienced that feeling of depression again when I started to think about filling out applications. That part of me showed me an image of myself. I looked like an awkward loser making a sandwich, wearing a goofy looking uniform. I think that part of me was saying "Sandwiches? come on, your gonna get a job making sandwiches? You're better than that. I mean you're a 23 year old man for christs sake. Kids your age should be either in school, getting a degree for a good career or already working a decent job by now "So, it would seem like there's a part of me that strongly identifies with societal norms around this question of career. Or success.

It was at this point I decided to have an internal dialogue with that part.  part 1: What do you expect to get out of having a great career? Surely, getting a career to void a negative, to avoid being a "loser", is not the best reason. It is especially not motivated.Part 2: "I feel sad"Part 1: It also sounds really stressful, you know? Filling out job applications, going to interviews, making resume's. That takes a lot of time and energy. Not to mention the additional time and energy spent one you get the job. Part 2: "I just don't want to be made fun of"Part 1: Tell me a little more about that? You know, to breathe is to be made fun of. We have no ontrol over that. If somebody made fun of the things about you such as, your love of philosophy, you might be a mad, but you wouldn't stop accepting that initiating force to prevent ridicule from others. You would probably think, "eh, screw you." But, there's something that really stings when you think about this issue of a career. Like it means something about your character if you aren't wearing a suit. And so maybe it's not that you fear others thinking that you are a loser, you are afraid of feeling like a loser. Or that you have no value. Like you are worthless. Like you are unfulfilled. Do you think that getting a girlfriend to avoid feeling worthless is a positive reason to get a girlfriend?Part 2: "no"Part 1: do you think that getting a fancy are to avoid feeling worthless is a positive reason to get a car? To spend thousands of dollars? Part 2:"no"Part 1: I appreciate your concern and I share this concern. I don't want us to feel worthless, or to be losers either, but I don't think that rushing out and getting an unfulfilling and boring job is the way to do it. That would only confirm that you needed these external things to feel confident. Also, getting a sandwich making job temporarily to make a little extra cash wouldn't indicate that you are a loser anymore than making a sandwich to put in your lunchbox. All that is happening in the real world is that you'll be putting a piece of meat in between 2 pieces of bread and handing it to someone. Would you all Stef or Jeffrey Tucker or Richard Dawkins if you saw either one of them behind the counter of a deli making sandwiches, would you all them losers? What if they told you that they were working there because they needed extra money? Part 2: "No, I wouldn't all them losers"Part 1: One again, I know your just trying to protect me the best way you know how to. But, do you think you could consider this alternative, please? 

[Kevin Beal]

This is awesome.

 

I think it's a great approach to the situation and a great approach to working through the ambivalence.

 

I sometimes step inside the shoes of the people who work service jobs of one kind or another as I'm in contact with them, and while I can see how one might not be as fulfilled as they would being a philosopher, and while it might not fulfill you much in the long term, it is kind of a cool job in a way to help other people in such simple ways. It's not like it provides no value, it provides immediate and observable value for people and it makes people's day.

 

I like that you mentioned Jeffrey Tucker too, since he is like the master of getting perspective on situations like these from an economics point of view. He has a great bit where he talks about negotiating with a guy at Taco Bell and how much goes on that people take completely for granted. The fact that he could provide a decent meal (I like Taco Bell) for such a low price and how only like a hundred years ago, so many people's meals were like literally bread and butter and water.

 

And when I was job hunting a few years back, I would apply at fast food joints and I couldn't for the life of me get any of those jobs. And that's really humbling. People who can find work at all impress me, haha.

 

I don't think poorly of anyone who works hard at anything they do, ... unless it's evil I guess, haha.

 

Thanks for posting Joel!

[Holo Cene]

Bravo! Great conversation with yourself. I must do this more often.