Feedback on my call

[aFireInside]

I called in a while back,  I was the first caller.

 

Link:

 

I haven't been able to listen to it yet because I don't have internet service at the moment.

Im typing this from the internet at my school.

It also feels painful to listen to it again, I find it hard to lisen to myself.

 

 

Anyways I felt like I didn't explain myself clearly in the call (i froze).

I also would have wanted stef to explain what he ment at the end when he said you need to feel angry or have anger.

 

I think i understand what he ment by that thanks to the people in the chat.

They said anger propels one into action. (in order to get out of a bad situation )

 

At the moment i was confused because i started doubting myself i thought i had felt anger.

Stef didnt really ask me if i have felt anger.

 

The day of the call i cried all day.

The few days after i was talking to my sister about the call, we dicused the anger thing. I told her that i thought i had felt anger already. This is why i don't talk to my mother anymore i gave up on her . I also have a plan to move out. I have been angry for a few years already.

 

 

After crying all day i have felt better. I have less fear of interacting with people and it seems to be fading away. (very slowly)

In the past I had trouble asking people for help but now i think im getting better at it.

 

I realized how this ruled my life. I closed many doors.... friendships, jobs, etc...

 

 

 

 

 

Anyways i would like some feedback and tell me what you thought.

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Sorry for the spelling errors i did some spell checking after the fact,

I'm sure there are more.

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[Libertarian Prepper]

Hey Ivan, I had listened to the call just today, and then stumbled across this thread. I think that Stef meant anger is useful as a way of rejecting the evils and abuses that are perpetrated against us. If we normalize (and so forgive) evil then we allow it to reside in our soul, and then will tend to replicate it. I also agree that anger can propel us to act and tear down what we previously thought were insurmountable obstacles.

 

You did say in your post that you've been angry for some time now though, but I guess I just didn't hear that anger in the call. When you described how your father kicked you and pushed you out of the room while playing poker, without calling him all kinds of profanities in the process or even changing the tone of your voice, it seemed to me like you didn't have a very strong emotional connection to that. I could be wrong though. You said you cried a lot, and that's good (I think - it helps me too), but that's not the same as getting angry. I can get very angry when I think of my personal childhood history, or when I listen to other people calling in about their own abusive parents.

[aFireInside]

Hey Ivan, I had listened to the call just today, and then stumbled across this thread. I think that Stef meant anger is useful as a way of rejecting the evils and abuses that are perpetrated against us. If we normalize (and so forgive) evil then we allow it to reside in our soul, and then will tend to replicate it. I also agree that anger can propel us to act and tear down what we previously thought were insurmountable obstacles.

 

You did say in your post that you've been angry for some time now though, but I guess I just didn't hear that anger in the call. When you described how your father kicked you and pushed you out of the room while playing poker, without calling him all kinds of profanities in the process or even changing the tone of your voice, it seemed to me like you didn't have a very strong emotional connection to that. I could be wrong though. You said you cried a lot, and that's good (I think - it helps me too), but that's not the same as getting angry. I can get very angry when I think of my personal childhood history, or when I listen to other people calling in about their own abusive parents.

 

 

I think you are correct, thanks for listening and taking the time to write.

 

The only thing that i want to say is that i couldn't express my emotions through my voice.

I have trouble with that but i genuinely have felt anger before. Once i started reflecting and journaling i realized i have felt angry in the past

[Libertarian Prepper]

I think you are correct, thanks for listening and taking the time to write.

 

The only thing that i want to say is that i couldn't express my emotions through my voice.

I have trouble with that but i genuinely have felt anger before. Once i started reflecting and journaling i realized i have felt angry in the past

Sure thing

 

I'm wondering about how you react to physical pain nowadays. Like, say you stub your toe on a chair or hurt yourself in some other way - do you get angry and start swearing?

[Nala]

Hi Ivan,

 

I want to thank you for your contribution to the show. Your call helped me to remember that we have to be committed to truly expressing our feelings in order to keep up our relationship with ourselves. I realize how fear of abandonment stays with me even after many times of asserting myself to those who have hurt me. I think it's very difficult with a history of violence to determine when we are "allowed" to be angry when our bodies have been so violated in the passed.

 

I think everyone has been angry before. Right? But, how often are we certain of the origin of that anger? And, how often are we making the connections of it's origin and the consequences of it? Consequences of repressed anger can come out in many many forms but when the origin of the anger is realized and we connect our behavior or string of behaviors to it, we can start to make changes in how we react to the treatment of others.

[aFireInside]

Sure thing

 

I'm wondering about how you react to physical pain nowadays. Like, say you stub your toe on a chair or hurt yourself in some other way - do you get angry and start swearing?

 

Yes i do react angry and i feel pain, lol. 

I also think that when someone is nervous its hard to express emotion 

Hi Ivan,

 

I want to thank you for your contribution to the show. Your call helped me to remember that we have to be committed to truly expressing our feelings in order to keep up our relationship with ourselves. I realize how fear of abandonment stays with me even after many times of asserting myself to those who have hurt me. I think it's very difficult with a history of violence to determine when we are "allowed" to be angry when our bodies have been so violated in the passed. 

 

I think everyone has been angry before. Right? But, how often are we certain of the origin of that anger? And, how often are we making the connections of it's origin and the consequences of it? Consequences of repressed anger can come out in many many forms but when the origin of the anger is realized and we connect our behavior or string of behaviors to it, we can start to make changes in how we react to the treatment of others. 

 

Thanks for taking the time to listen and reading my post. 

 

Yes you are exactly correct about "I think everyone has been angry before. Right? But, how often are we certain of the origin of that anger? And..." 

 

If you are not allowed to express anger or you have no one to listen to your anger how are you suppose to be good at expressing anger. 

Its like if your not allowed to sing and no one wants to listen to you sing, how are you suppose to be good at singing. 

 

 

Thanks again : ) 

[Prairie]

I'm like Stefan; having my abusive parent do the same thing she's always done rekindles my rage for what she did to me. I actually sometimes worry about her being receptive because it defuses my anger and my drive to assert what was done to me. Also having her do what she did, but now in the present, gives me another look at it so I can better understand what happened to me in the past where it's harder to remember (oh what I'd give to have dozens of hours of audio recordings through the years, to remind me exactly what happened, of the truth). I can see the abuse again with through my experienced eyes, see it more for what it is and was.

I experience anger as something that drives me to disregard risks and costs and act impulsively. It's sometimes what breaks me out of fearful reluctance and worry about what might happen.