Why dose seeing pregnant women makes me sad?

[Benjammin]

Hi all,

 

I am a single man age 30. I have been single for a year and a half. Even though I want children I actively resisted the idea with my last (only) relationship. I was probably depressed for the last few years of our relationship. I was listening to a lot of conservative talk radio and had a very bad outlook on the future of the world and did not want to inflict this on a child. I also was extremely worried about economic stability. Even then I had hope for one of us to be a stay at home parent. Since then I have found FDR and the idea of personal freedom above all. This has really liberated me and allowed me to be happy once again or maybe for the first time ever jury is still out on that one.

 

Anywho I still find that when I see pregnant women it makes me sad. Anyone else have this experience? I see that there is a lot online about women being sad seeing pregnant women but not much about men.

 

I am guessing this is due to my want of a child and the lack of prospects of a good mother/life partner.

 

I do have to say that I have been resistant to post this for a while. Kind of scarry on it's own.

 

Thanks for reading,

Ben

 

Edit:

 

I want to add that I ask this because I think I should be happy for them (which I am). At the same time I would like to not feel sad for myself.

[dsayers]

I want to add that I ask this because I think I should be happy for them (which I am). At the same time I would like to not feel sad for myself.

 

Thanks for sharing, Ben. I was wondering why seeing a woman pregnant should beget being happy for them. As prevalent as child abuse is (be it spanking, government school, not breast feeding, etc), the likelihood that a pregnant woman is representative of two loving, rational parents is unlikely.

 

I'm not trying to add to your sadness by pointing this out. In fact, it's a segue into promoting honesty. I don't listen to conservative radio myself, but I've been exposed to some. Like when Stef is talking with Alex Jones for example. Those people can be intense! Not that intense is a problem. Nor do I feel that identifying problems is problematic. It's when people present the problems as if they're unavoidable that can be problematic.

 

It seems virtually endless the way the state has poisoned nearly every aspect of the world we see before us today. This can be a good thing if we have good people helping others to understand WHY this is and how we can escape it and avoid recreating it in the future. Raising children peacefully is a way to pre-empt just about all the dysfunction we face as a result of our traumatic world.

 

What do you think about talking to these pregnant women? Especially if the father is with her. Ask them if they've considered peaceful parenting. If not, you might be able to help them. If so, you might have met people who are worth befriending. Maybe they choose quality people in their life and you can meet somebody who would be a suitable partner for you.

 

I'm 37 and only just getting to a point where I COULD be a worthy partner and father. I am not sad that that time is working against me in this regard. If it ends up being that I am not able to continue to heal, meet somebody, and start a family, I'll know it's because the first few decades of my life were stolen from me. That much is very upsetting, but at least it wasn't my fault.

 

Let me know if this is helpful at all. Your post kind of covered a few different things, so I wasn't sure what would be most helpful to you.

[Benjammin]

Thanks dsayers for your response. It certainly gives me some ideas to consider.

 

I certainly understand all the negative aspects of the way that most folks raise their children. I brought up the idea of home schooling with a gal last month and she response was "Oh NO, I need to work". I know for sure that this was not a money issue.

 

I can say that I do not do much talking to pregnant women. The only time that I have brought up peaceful parenting with a lady (mother not currently pregnant) I was attacked for not being a parent and not being able to comment or understand. Strangely enough it was a meeting of folks who claim to see volunteerism as a virtue. At the time my flight won over my flight and all I was able to do it firmly restate that I find the idea of peaceful parenting to be a critical virtue.

[dsayers]

In that first scenario, I would try to point out that her baby needs its mother and the damage that can be done to a child that thinks they're going to die because their caregiver abandoned them. Maybe even ask if she's ever been abandoned and if so, see if it was at least at a time she could fend for herself. If she needs to work, she needs to not get pregnant. The two will be in heavy odds for the first 5 years or so.

 

In the second scenario, I would've replied, "How does reproducing make the immoral act of assault suddenly moral? On somebody 1/10th my size? That cannot escape? That is dependent upon me? Whose entire world and example I've created, thus making me responsible for anything I see in them that I do not like or want to keep them away from?"

 

Did these examples occur before you noticed that pregnant women made you sad? Because I could definitely see how, "I'm going/I want to abuse my child," would be a very saddening thing to hear.

[Benjammin]

These examples did occur after I had the initial reaction.

 

I think mostly I am having this reaction due to a false (possibly) belief that I will not be able to get health enough to attract a healthy mate and create my own family.

 

I do recall another reason that I resisted having a child in the past is that I was afraid of my anger issues being inflicted on a child. I had unfortunatly allowed this to happen with my dog in the past. This was before I had found FDR and started working on excavating my true self.

 

Thanks for the dialog!