habitual speaking errors

[dsayers]

One of the most interesting parts of pursuing self-knowledge to me is in the minutia. The things we do, think, or say that is imprecise and we never even realized it. I was hoping to start a conversation about some of these habitual speaking errors.

 

For example, I've noticed that sometimes when speaking about my childhood, I'll say "we," "us," or "our" when speaking about my sister and me. Sure I can be accurately describing things that occurred for both of us. As a broken person trying to heal though, I think it's probably better if I stick with speaking on my own behalf and my own experiences.

 

Similarly, there are times when I'm speaking about something in general that also applies to me and I'll unwittingly shift between first and third person. I just had to edit a post where I had said "I grew up with a father who would intentionally speak in roundabout ways so that he could use your lack of frame of reference as an excuse to attack." While this may be true for others, it's important to speak of MY lack of frame of reference in order to come closer to facing this manipulation of ME.

 

So what are on your guys' to do list in terms of habitual speaking error modifications?

[arascain]

sounds like you already know, just by your awareness of this it should subside. my intuition is that maybe you have some disassociation because it is uncomfortable. sometimes i have an issues with this, if i make a mistake I might say "we did this." inversely, if something good I might say "I did this."  I can only speak for my self, but generally i think we all may do this to any uncertain degree.

[Libertarian Prepper]

I agree with the above poster - referring to yourself in the second or third person might have been a survival mechanism - a way to dissociate yourself from abuse and your true feelings about it.

 

As far as my personal pet peeves - I tend to think and say "have to" and "gotta" when I want to do something. I'm trying to reform myself to either say "I want to" (because I genuinely do) or if I don't want to do it but want to avoid the consequences of not doing it, I at least think it through and reason it out. Or I might transform a "have to" into an "I don't have to" and just not do the task and live with the consequences.

 

It's a great way to fight off procrastination because unfortunately we've been programmed into using a language of obligation in our daily lives. It was used with us as children, and we in turn internalize it and use it on ourselves, thus creating the same passive-aggressive procrastination behaviors as we (may have) had in childhood.

[arascain]

My "to do list for habitual speaking error modifications" intentions are: be aware, self educate, institute mindfulness during communication and internal dialogue, and if found lacking do the necessary damage control as soon as possible.