Andre1332 Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I have this friend, lets call him Mr.J, who is in what i believe to be an unhealthy relationship with a girl, lets call her Ms.A, which i found to be weird and now i believe its going into a dangerous direction, note that i am not close enough to him to know the specifics of their intimate relation, but i will try to describe it in the most objective way with the information i possess. They met through facebook. They had common friends and Ms.A entered his profile, took interest into him, they meet and began dating. Ms.A and Mr.J don't have much in common, as far as i can tell. As hobbies go, Mr.J love movies and video games and often do these activities without Ms.A. Their morals are completely opposite, Mr.J, while does not have a definite ideology, its clearly against state and religion. Ms.A in other hand works in a multi-layer marketing business, which is know for making its members obsessed with sales of the product, is increasingly more religious, again, thanks to the work, she is has an "alienate left activism" political standing, is a die hard feminist. She also has an obsessive side, she floods her time line in vace book with photos of the couple, she has trouble accepting that Mr.J starts his business with some friends because one of them is know to be an womanizer and when mentioned that they would need a secretary (In my country almost all secretaries are women) she became upset saying that she became their secretary instead. I didn't meet her more than twice, i don't know her deeply, but most of what was said came from Mr.J himself showing concern with their relationship. I don't know what drives them to stay together, besides their different personalities, they also live in opposite borders of the city and to meet it would take at least 2 hours by car. He brought the topic saying that she was starting to talk about marriage, and he said he is against to, but shortly after they changed their status to engaged. Well, i hope i could make a clear case. I want my friend to be happy, but i think that where this relationship is going, he will have lots of problems. I wanted to ask your opinion about how should i discuss this topic with him. How can i help him determinate if this is a healthy relationship? If not, is there a way to save it? If not, how to convince him to end the relationship.
_LiveFree_ Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Why do you think his happiness is your responsibility?
Gunnhvatr Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I have a friend that speaks about trouble in their relationship, on occasion, I hear some really foreboding stuff. I'll find myself saying things like "Well I'm not going to tell you do break up with them but that's really not cool and this is why..." It's up to them to decide whether or not this is a good relationship, right? All I can do is give feedback on what they're telling me. I have to ask myself if I'm giving them good counsel, though. I want to tell them that in that position I would break it off immediately, I would see no future in it.
dsayers Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 he will have lots of problems Sounds like he already has problems. For instance, how could he attract and tolerate somebody who appears to be more interested in the state as her man than him? More importantly, how are you friends with somebody who could attract or tolerate such a person? You can control your life.
Lians Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 I didn't meet her more than twice, i don't know her deeply, but most of what was said came from Mr.J himself showing concern with their relationship. Marriage is on the table and you've only met this girl twice? I don't think your friend cares much about your opinion.
Andre1332 Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 We are childhood friends and we didnt meet much for a while but now we are planning to do business together. I dont think that i am responsible for his happiness, but i care for the happiness of my friends, i dont want to impose an advice but he is about to enter into a very difficult situation, i just want him to find the best way out of it and to know if and how can he be helped.
_LiveFree_ Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Dude, let it go. It's his life, not yours. It is impossible for you to know what's best for him. All you can do is act as honorably and as virtuously as you can. My best friend married a girl I warned him not to. Turned out I was so wrong. In fact, he needed her more than the other way around. Be a good friend and stop believing that your ideas about his life are better than his. Focus on yourself. Live your life so well that people will come to you asking how you can be so happy.
dsayers Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 now we are planning to do business together. I dont think that i am responsible for his happiness, but i care for the happiness of my friends, i dont want to impose an advice but he is about to enter into a very difficult situation How is you choosing to enter into business with him any different from him choosing to enter into matrimony with her? If you want to know what you can do to help, the last thing you should do is reward the guy by assisting him in making money. It's unwise to expose your financial future to the destructive potential of somebody who could make such poor decisions against his own better judgement. i just want him to find the best way out of it and to know if and how can he be helped. Are you not in control of your own life? You seemed to reject my point that your friendship is just as in question and that you have control over your own life. If you keep irrational people in your life, their irrationality will impact your life also. Such as keeping somebody in your life because they were already in your life rather than because they earn it by adhering to rationality. This is as true for consideration of friends as it is for consideration of business partner.
Swingpirate Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 What I would be worried about if I were you – and I don't mean this in any critical way – is why you are communicating what you feel about the relationship to us and not to him directly. The only thing that you can do – assuming this person really is your friend – is precisely that: to tell him how you feel about the relationship. If he is your friend he will greatly appreciate your input, right?
Guest Exceptionalist Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 How is you choosing to enter into business with him any different from him choosing to enter into matrimony with her? If you want to know what you can do to help, the last thing you should do is reward the guy by assisting him in making money. It's unwise to expose your financial future to the destructive potential of somebody who could make such poor decisions against his own better judgement. His friend's relationship is not of his business. He thinks it is a poor decission but in business are different choices to make. It is unwise to read someting into a situation without sufficient knowledge. You can twist the situation into a reward but a different taste in women doesn't impact the capability of being a good business partner. If you keep irrational people in your life, their irrationality will impact your life also. Such as keeping somebody in your life because they were already in your life rather than because they earn it by adhering to rationality. Are you talking about his friend or spouting an unrelated mantra? Company doesn't have to be earned, it is just conditional.
MysterionMuffles Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 lol Nathan always sweeping in with the short and concise!
LovePrevails Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Send him an email telling him the whole truth of what you thik and feel about it. If he attacks you for telling him then you know what kind of person he is to end up in a relationship like that. Sounds to me like he doesn't think he can do better and that's all there is behind it.
PatrickC Posted February 20, 2014 Posted February 20, 2014 Be a little cautious of sentimentality. I would just urge you to look at the reality of the relationship, not the history you're perhaps feeling wedded too. That said, it's probably worthy an exploration into why you feel the need to avert him from disaster. Where has this occurred for you before? What expectations were levied upon you as a child to protect others? Just a thought here of course.
MysterionMuffles Posted February 21, 2014 Posted February 21, 2014 How was the relationship between your parents? And how was your relationship with them as a couple? Did you ever feel the need to be the glue between them if they were drastically different from each other like these two friends of yours?
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