Interesting/Alarming Article from a Therapist, "Parenting: Why do kids turn out the way they do?"

[travioli]

http://mwharkertherapist.blogspot.com/2014/02/parenting-why-do-kids-turn-out-way-they.html

 

     An interesting and perhaps alarming article I saw on my Facebook feed today. I'd like to comment on some things and I wonder what other have to contribute in regards to the insight of this article.

 

"A few years later, while I was working at Decker Lake Youth Center (a maximum security prison for teenagers) in Salt Lake City, Utah, I met a 15 year old Caucasian boy.  I went on to learn that he was raised in a good neighborhood with good parents who had plenty of money.  After interviewing him, I learned that his only goal in life was to learn how to blow people up like the infamous, Mark Hoffman.  No logical explanation."

 

     Firstly, there is no content about what makes his parents "good parents". Even if they are financially stable, I feel like this isn't proof that "some kids just turn out bad despite circumstances, and some turn out good in the same fashion". It seems like a premature assessment to just say "No logical explanation" after such little explanation. I feel like this type of thing is done to try to alleviate those who are responsible for abuses against children...and to muddy the waters of the tangible and long-lasting effects of childhood trauma. My dad has done it many times, in a sort of *no one will ever know what effect it has because of all these hearsay cases* fashion. (I'm aware that mentioning my dad is hearsay as well, but it's more anecdotal that I think it's worth bringing up).

 

I have met many parents who function as if the way the child is turning out is their own fault, leaving very little if any responsibility in the hands of the youth.  Ironically, our doctrine teaches us that age 8 is the age of accountability.  Perhaps that is when we should start teaching them principles like the following:
You are responsible for:
-your lack of gratitude.
-your work ethic.
-desire to do well in school, with friends, in sports.
-your own testimony and relationship with God.
-to make sure you do not feel bored, or any other negative emotion. 

[Emphasis mine]

 

     Why age 8? No explanation, other than "doctrine", which is worse than saying "I don't know". The last two are alarming for me--bullying kids into religious beliefs as well as disowning a very real part of their internal, emotional lives; their negative emotions. Like Stefan has said in numerous podcasts, negative emotions can be like antibodies for past behaviors; signals to tell us what isn't good for us. 

 

It appears that 50% of what causes a youth to turn out the way he or she does as an adult is based on the quality of his or her spirit before he or she is born.

25% is based on the environment the youth grows up in.  Whether it is ancient Egypt, Jerusalem in the middle of time, modern Afghanistan, or modern Utah.  This 25% includes genetic and biological issues as well. 

And the final 25% is split in half by the primary mother figure and the primary father figure.  In other words, you have about 12.5% influence on the way your youth turns out.

 

     Appears? How is that a substitute for evidence? Maybe she just took it as a given that she was only speaking of her experiences, but even then it would've been nice to hear some more about how she got to these statistics.

 

     And an overarching comment, I kept in mind that I should have extra skepticism on this article concerning parental effects on children, when it comes from someone who supports bullying them with the false doctrines of religion. That may be attacking the author more than the paper, yes, but I think it is illustrative to point out the context of where she is coming from when she writes this article.

     I'd like to hear any other thoughts!  

 

[dsayers]

 

prophets will always know more about true principles than will scientists

 

How do you know? What is a prophet?

 

 

I hope all who have taken a close look have come to the conclusion that the dichotomous split of Nature vs. Nurture is an excessive simplification. ... our doctrine teaches us that age 8 is the age of accountability

 

How do you know? I thought you spoke of excessive simplification as if it was synonymous with less useful. What is different from 8 years and 7 years and 364 days?

 

 

You are responsible for your lack of gratitude, ... desire to do well in school, in sports, your own testimony and relationship with God

 

This arrogantly assumes that a presence of gratitude, school, sports, and God are correct.

 

 

You are responsible for to make sure you do not feel bored, or any other negative emotion

 

There is no such thing as a negative emotion. All too often I see people say negative when they mean undesirable. Additionally, we do not choose the emotions we feel. If we're taught to reason and to value reason, then we will not choose people or situations that would lead to emotions that are undesirable. Even still, we will feel those emotions as we encounter things that need additional attention. To call them negative, to arrogantly presume they are destructive, is itself destructive.

 

 

It's my responsibility to Teach them correct Principles and let them govern themselves.

 

Why are these words capitalized? I seriously dislike the author's willingness to part with the truth.

 

 

It's my responsibility to be diligent, but it is also my responsibility to not run faster than I have strength.

 

In the context of the article, this is saying that it is okay for a parent to not give more than they're comfortable with. However, this is a consideration to make before making any decision with long term commitments. If you cannot handle the responsibility of having children, don't have children. You don't get to have a child and then punish them because you've changed your mind. Nor is it okay to rely on (enter form of mysticism here) and hope what happens in the absence of your adherence to your responsibility turns out okay.

 

 

It appears that 50% of what causes a youth to turn out the way he or she does as an adult is based on the quality of his or her spirit before he or she is born.

 

25% is based on the environment the youth grows up in.  Whether it is ancient Egypt, Jerusalem in the middle of time, modern Afghanistan, or modern Utah.  This 25% includes genetic and biological issues as well.

 

How do you know? Science has taught us that in terms of behavior and personality (what this article is about), it is almost entirely the environment and experiences of the blank human that is what that human gets imprinted with. Just as water takes the shape of its container.

 

 

God had already made it clear to me that if he needed to, he could raise my children successfully without my help

 

I have little to say here. This is one of those things that even if you believe it to be true, you don't say to other people, lest you destroy any credibility you could have. "God has already made it clear to me that if he needed to, he could steer my automobile successfully without my help," would not hold up in traffic court after you veered off the road and took out the local cafe.

 

Way too mystic and excusing of parental neglect for me.

[Horseradish]

 

It appears that 50% of what causes a youth to turn out the way he or she does as an adult is based on the quality of his or her spirit before he or she is born.

 

25% is based on the environment the youth grows up in.  Whether it is ancient Egypt, Jerusalem in the middle of time, modern Afghanistan, or modern Utah.  This 25% includes genetic and biological issues as well. 

 

And the final 25% is split in half by the primary mother figure and the primary father figure.  In other words, you have about 12.5% influence on the way your youth turns out.

 

 

 

That part appears to be nonsense. These aren't even based on anything but they're presented like statistics.

[J-William]

This is some pretty transparent garbage being sold as facts... You only have to look at the lack of evidence presented for the claims and of course the mentioning of gods that don't exist as if they do.

 

and of course children could never have negative emotions cause that might cause them to get angry at parents who fed them a steady diet of bullshit about school, sports, Gawd and government!

 

"A few years later, while I was working at Decker Lake Youth Center (a maximum security prison for teenagers) in Salt Lake City, Utah, I met a 15 year old Caucasian boy.  I went on to learn that he was raised in a good neighborhood with good parents who had plenty of money.  After interviewing him, I learned that his only goal in life was to learn how to blow people up like the infamous, Mark Hoffman.  No logical explanation."

 

No coincidence that this is precisely what people said about the kids at Columbine.

[Mike Fleming]

It appears that 50% of what causes a youth to turn out the way he or she does as an adult is based on the quality of his or her spirit before he or she is born.

 

25% is based on the environment the youth grows up in.  Whether it is ancient Egypt, Jerusalem in the middle of time, modern Afghanistan, or modern Utah.  This 25% includes genetic and biological issues as well. 

 

And the final 25% is split in half by the primary mother figure and the primary father figure.  In other words, you have about 12.5% influence on the way your youth turns out.

 

 

The whole thing can be disregarded on this section alone.

 

Quality of the spirit before they were born?  Superstitious nonsense.

 

My guess would be this is a very religious person trying to justify hierarchical authoritarian structures as many religious people do.

 

He needs to take out all the God and religious references and replace it with hard facts and figures with references to the actual research.  Until then, it shouldn't be taken seriously at all.

[LanceD]

This article is a joke. It's obviously a failed parent writing nonsense to justify their own failures and the failures of religious parents everywhere, but I'll assume they are particularly interested in excusing the failures of Mormon parents. With the sheer amount of female pornstsrs that come out of Mormon households this type of excusatory nonsense is desperately needed to make those parents feel better.