Grizwald Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 So I figured I'd post it here as my first post. My major is history. I am applying as a transfer student. The topic was up to me to decide. I chose Indiana Jones and adventure. My all-time favorite movie character is Indiana Jones. As a child I would watch Indiana Jones movies almost every day. I would even imitate him by using a leather shoestring as a whip. My parents wouldn't let me have the real thing. Even as I've gotten older I still watch all of the Indiana Jones movies. The movies have given me a love of history. But now, every time I watch one of them a desire overcomes me. A desire for adventure. Soon I will be 19 years old. And, as others have told me, I have my whole life ahead of me. And my goal is to make the most of it. I want to set myself apart from what everyone else has done and is doing. The melancholy of daily life is not for me. I want my life tomorrow to be as different from today as I can possibly get it. But most importantly I want it to have meaning. If what I do 20 years from now is meaningless then I would consider my life a failure. The same monotonous task every day has no meaning. There is no progress. There is no change in a melancholy life. If 20 years from now I have not progressed, then I have not changed and I have no meaning. And to truly change anything, to truly make progress, one has to be brave enough to take the initiative. One has to be brave enough to venture out into the unknown, be it a foreign student in an exotic land on a new campus, or an archaeologist trekking the sands of Egypt searching for the Ark of the Covenant. They are both brave enough to go on an adventure that changes their lives. The foreign student changed they're life by becoming educated. And Indiana Jones changed not his life, but other people's lives. Instead of the Ark of the Covenant continuing to be lost he changed people's entire beliefs. My goal is to take that adventure that changes, not just my life, but others lives as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NumberSix Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 It's an OK essay, not terrible, not outstanding. You always use a simple sentence structure, I recommend mixing things up to make it less monotonous. You use the passive voice too much. Some changes: Indiana Jones is my favorite film character. As a child, I watched his adventures almost every day. Imitating him and pretending a leather shoestring was my whip, since my parents wouldn't let me have a real whip. Today, I still watch the films. The movies instilled in me a love of history. But now, every time I watch one, a desire overcomes me, a desire for adventure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipeline_mike Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Don't go to college. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizwald Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 Don't go to college. Why do you say that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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