What do you do when therapy is not available?

[Scanian_Libertarian]

Although I am 39 years old , I never thought of that I had no normal childhood , until now.

Thanks in part to that I started listening to Stefan Molyneux's podcasts, but also because my current living situation has forced me to think about how I ended up where I ended up .

There are three things I believe fatally steered my way of thinking , my life choices and interests:

I grew up completely isolated , at a very remote place in the countryside .

And inside an evangelical Christian cult .

And when two nearly the same age siblings are growing up together, I guess it is not very uncommon , that fights occur between them ? But how common is it that one is wrong every single time, and is spanked? My sister was only petted by our parents, while I was spanked all the time.

I realized that I probably need therapy, and someone I can discuss these things with .

But to my surprise , the therapists were completely indifferent and disinterested.

They barely even listened to what I had to say, and constantly tried to just lead over the discussion to the present and the future instead.

It was not unlike the dialogue in the humorous anecdote " Good afternoon, sir - Ax handle ":

http://spokendialogue.dk/GoodAfternoon/GoodAfternoon.html

I soon discovered that this was due to that our dear leaders and central planners in Sweden decided that the only thing that will be offered in the country, is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which only focuses on the present and future.

Anyone wishing Psychodynamic therapy that goes more in depth, requires personal contacts and plenty of money . I have neither.

The Swedish Radio have an article about this:

" In our neighboring Nordic countries and in Germany and France these methods are regarded as two schools that complement each other . In Sweden , they have been set against each other by the authorities and politicians .
The result has been a more one-sided selection of therapy for people with mental illness. The investigation done by "Kaliber" also shows that the government's billions in subsidies to CBT treatments may conflict with EU competition rules . "

http://sverigesradio.se/sida/artikel.aspx?programid=1316&artikel=5104224

When I pointed out to the last therapist I met that it is psychodynamic therapy I need, he just sat and grinned and used the ruler technique . He even claimed that psychodynamic therapy and to discuss things in the past is completely unscientific , because the State's Science Council have decided so.

It is evident that psychiatry is not paid by me as a patient , but by the politruks, and that their only job is to prescribe drugs and get the tax cattle back into the workforce as soon as possible. Above all, they get paid whether they help their patients or not.

My current living situation is, that I went into the wall in my last job where I worked for five years. It was unsustainable in the long run , to get up at 04 and come home about 18-20 , plus work Saturdays.

I have neither a career , social life or any real interest anymore.

My living consists basically just to work out several hours each day at the gym .

My current life would basically fit in a shoebox .

I am now trying to create a new life for myself, and choice of occupation or studies relate to some extent, with the interest you have , or at least what feels fairly stimulating.

I have come to the realization that the very black and white thinking in the evangelical Christian cult that was imprinted in me from a very small age , and maybe even the brutal contrast between how my sister and I were treated by our parents , have strongly steered my interests and decisions as an adult. When I left the religious cult at age 19 , I was drawn to political cults instead , because it was the only thing I knew. Then that became my whole life. But now nothing feels interesting or stimulating anymore.

If you build up a mental picture of my "child-self" and my "adult-self", and think about what I should say and what advice I as an adult would want to give to my "child-self", I feel honestly bewildered . But I think the key to building myself a new life, is to become a better "parent" to oneself and try to give my "child-self" some of the things I never had as a kid.

But what do you do when therapy is not an option ?

[dsayers]

That really sucks. I cannot even fathom how anybody could suggest that one's past has no bearing on the present or the future.

 

Are you able to get book by Nathaniel Branden for example? They're not a replacement for talk therapy, but they can be very useful in lieu of it.

[Scanian_Libertarian]

That really sucks. I cannot even fathom how anybody could suggest that one's past has no bearing on the present or the future.

 

Are you able to get book by Nathaniel Branden for example? They're not a replacement for talk therapy, but they can be very useful in lieu of it.

 

I actually currently am reading through Nathaniel Branden's book "Breaking Free" that I found as free audio book on Complete Liberty podcast:

 

http://completeliberty.com/magazine/read/episode-165---breaking-free-part-one_244.html

 

Is there any particular titles by Nathaniel Branden that you can recommend?

[cherapple]

Read Daniel Mackler's new book, "Breaking From Your Parents." He talks about his own difficulties with finding good therapists, what to look for in a therapist, and how he healed through self-therapy and journaling.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Your-Parents-Setting-Precedent-ebook/dp/B00I5RZR3A/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1395706762&sr=8-1&keywords=daniel+mackler

[Llamabean]

I am very sorry about your situation! Is there anything that you can do to leave it? 

 

A friend recommended sfhelp.org to me. He is in a difficult situation as well and found it helpful. Maybe you will find it useful too.

[LovePrevails]

I think it sounds like you are quite isolated and can benefit from regular skypes with other members of the community who can sustain conversations about real stuff - it's a good start to developing your own growth because a seed needs a nurturing environment to grow in

[Malovane]

One thing I'm reading right now is Self-Therapy: A step-by-step guide to creating wholeness and healing your inner child by using IFS. It's by Dr. Jay Earley.

 

Still reading it, and haven't done the exercises so I can't comment on the effectiveness for myself, but it does get very good reviews, and I can see how it could be effective. It is based on parts theory (which I am a believer in), and can be done entirely by yourself, unless you have had some severe trauma.

 

The basic theory is that we are all comprised of parts. This method splits them up into three main types: Self, Protectors, and Exiles.

 

Self is that part of us we have when born, and it is naturally curious and compassionate. Most work in this version of IFS is done when in this state, by separating your "self" from other parts - and having dialogues with those other parts.

 

Protectors are your defenses. This could be aggression, avoidance, intellectualism - you name it. If you have an abundance of internal dialogue - these are your protectors. Some may be healthy, and others may not (and can cause strife in your outer world), but they all serve to protect you from pain.

 

Exiles are parts of yourself you have locked away due to bad experiences. Shame, neglect, emotional abuse, etc. This could be from childhood, or even from recent events.

 

The point of the exercise is to understand your protectors, accept and reintegrate the exile, and transform your protector into a more positive role. A lot of energy in the psyche is spent keeping the past buried, and much emotional energy is tucked away along with that. Going through processes like these, many have reported resurgences of creativity.. old desires reawakened, and more.

 

As you have stated that you wonder what you would say to your child self - this book might be helpful to you. Primarily you need to just be understanding, compassionate, and inquisitive. Your "child self" (and in this form there are many) should usually give you indications of what it needs.