UnaccomodatedMan Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I have a friend who is about to ask his girlfriend to marry him. He has told me things like "I just need some stability in my life." Perhaps I shouldn't involve myself, but I think he is rushing into this without self knowledge. I know there are a few podcasts out there that touch on this sort of thing. Does anybody have any advice or questions for me in this situation?
dsayers Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 ANY video about the importance of peaceful parenting or the potential backlash of choosing the wrong mate (particularly a female mate in a culture that favors them tremendously) should suffice. I would ask your friend what he means by stability. We live in a turbulent world, so external stability isn't really possible depending on how sensitive you are. Joining into matrimony with the wrong person or for the wrong reasons will actually exacerbate this problem, not solve it. In terms of internal stability, well it's internal. Adding somebody to the equation or upgrading their importance in the equation CANNOT change this. In fact, it would exacerbate internal instability because less focus could be place upon it in order to serve greater external obligations. Is this at all helpful? I will try and help more if more details become available. Such as his level of self-knowledge, his assessment of her self-knowledge, your being friends with somebody that might lack self-knowledge, etc.
corpus mentium Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Without knowing more about their situation, I have to say that the first thought that came to my mind after reading your post was, "Is she pressuring him to get married? Is it his relationship with his girlfriend that is unstable and does he think marrying her will resolve that? If so, how will marrying her bring stability into his life?" If she is unstable, then marrying her would be setting himself up with a high probability of a whole hell of a lot of instability later on, wouldn't it? Even if she is a wonderful woman who isn't pressuring him into marriage and they have a wonderful relationship together, what is it about his life that is unstable? Why is he getting into this instability? Is it really a good idea to make a supposed life-long commitment without first resolving that instability? Perhaps he wants her to bring him some stability, which would be quite a serious expectation to place on another individual. If you hop on YouTube and do a search on MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), you may find some interesting thoughts, though I have noticed that some of them venture into a realm similar to irrational feminist ideas, but from the male point of view. I have found Sandman's videos to be interesting, though I would say he is guilty of these inconsistencies from time to time as well. Again, without more info it would be difficult to comment further.
LovePrevails Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 you can also send him to my channel on cultivating fulfilling relationships if he decides to continue: www.youtube.com/enrichyourlife1 --- especially if he is the man and she respects him he can take the lead in setting good boundaries in the relationship.
creakins Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I have a friend right now who is in a relationship where his girlfriend has just convinced him to put a ring on her finger. Not out of love though. It was a negotiation. It came down to wanting to be able to hold onto his sense of stability, because if he doesn't accept the negotiation she was going to tell him to hit the road. I've tried to talk to him about really taking the time to think about this decision. When I was there last for a visit, she got angry at him for bringing me by because she had made the arrangements to go pick out her engagement ring. I have a feeling that marrying this woman is going to be a bad idea. There are a number of factors to provide solid evidence for feeling this way, but I can't seem to talk to my friend about this because he keeps saying, "sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to make your life less uncomfortable." I feel if I push any further I'm going to lose this friend. I care a great deal for him, and only want the best for him, but when can you say, "I've done everything I could do, but its time to move on?" Thanks for the great resources in this feed.
Recommended Posts