As children how are we thought to endure pain?

[aFireInside]

What are some example that might make one susceptible to enjoy pain or enduring pain. 

 

 

 

 

For males its a little more obvious we are thought to "man up" and not show emotions. 

Im more interested in examples that apply to both sexes. 

 

 

 

 

Thank you 

Ivan

[dsayers]

If you put you hand into a fire, you impulsively pull it out. If somebody holds your hand in a fire, you pass out.

 

If a person was beaten as a child--that is, a time when they had no escape--any number of forms of damage could manifest. One could be to translate the experience as pleasure in an attempt to regain control over the situation or avoid facing the truth of their abuse/abuser.

[aFireInside]

If you put you hand into a fire, you impulsively pull it out. If somebody holds your hand in a fire, you pass out. If a person was beaten as a child--that is, a time when they had no escape--any number of forms of damage could manifest. One could be to translate the experience as pleasure in an attempt to regain control over the situation or avoid facing the truth of their abuse/abuser.

Interesting thanks for the reply .I just realized that enjoy wasn't a correct word for this . My basic question is where does the glorification of pain come from . Childhood yes. What are some examples

[SamuelS]

by definition if it doesn't kill us, we endure it -- no "footprints"-style magic to it, we just aren't that easy to kill.

 

I'm confused by the question. who is glorifying pain?

[aFireInside]

by definition if it doesn't kill us, we endure it -- no "footprints"-style magic to it, we just aren't that easy to kill.

 

I'm confused by the question. who is glorifying pain?

 

 

Example 1.) is when people are in bad relationships and they endure it because they don't want to "give up" on the relationship. 

 

Example 2.) In fitness it there is culture that glorifies pain, "pain is weakness leaving the body", look at American Football allot of the older players can't even walk anymore from all of the pressure their bodes went through. Don't get me started with motivation memes . 

 

Example 3.) Tattoos and piercings are looked at as decorations or Art. Tattoo culture also glorifies the pain of getting tattoos 

 

It seems to me that there is culture of pain in society. 

 

Does that make sense ?  

Do you need more examples those are just random ones i thought of I'm sure there are more 

[SamuelS]

in bad relationships we must be getting something we value out of it, it might be important to ask what that is and why we value it high enough to put up with the bad...

 

in fitness it seems clear that the pain is just what you do to get the result -- so what we're gaining of value is pretty clear in this equation, one values fitness higher than the discomfort required to achieve it.

 

with tattoos it's the same, and different, one values the tattoo enough to endure the pain to get it. there's also an endorphin aspect to it as well, I've got a few small tattoos and I get a "buzz" just from the smell of the green soap when I walk into a tattoo shop.

 

other pain, such as a toothache or sprained ankle, we endure simply because the alternative is to cease existing, but I don't think many are glorifying such pain unless they're bragging about tolerance levels or something...

 

for your examples it seems like a simple economic calculation to me

[Lians]

What are some example that might make one susceptible to enjoy pain or enduring pain. 

 

You tell children that the pain you're causing them is an expression of your love.

[aFireInside]

You tell children that the pain you're causing them is an expression of your love.

 

 

 

Excellent I can think of a bunch of example now!!! 

in bad relationships we must be getting something we value out of it, it might be important to ask what that is and why we value it high enough to put up with the bad...

 

in fitness it seems clear that the pain is just what you do to get the result -- so what we're gaining of value is pretty clear in this equation, one values fitness higher than the discomfort required to achieve it.

 

with tattoos it's the same, and different, one values the tattoo enough to endure the pain to get it. there's also an endorphin aspect to it as well, I've got a few small tattoos and I get a "buzz" just from the smell of the green soap when I walk into a tattoo shop.

 

other pain, such as a toothache or sprained ankle, we endure simply because the alternative is to cease existing, but I don't think many are glorifying such pain unless they're bragging about tolerance levels or something...

 

for your examples it seems like a simple economic calculation to me

 

 

You didnt answer my question at all!

 

Why do you still need to be in the bad relationship when a good relationship will give you more! (if you are calculation on economic gain)

 

You don't need pain to get health benefits  ?? Maybe soreness but I'm talking about pain!   Pain like when you are pushed to the extreme, (football , or military) 

 

With the tattoos you didn't answer my question at all. There is an obvious pain to tattoos . You can be serious about the green soap ?  

that can't be the reason why you like tattoos .

 

It seems to me like you have allot that you aren't processing. 

You tell children that the pain you're causing them is an expression of your love.

 

I remember being hit and told it is because I want you to be better. 

I remember I told my parents that they where never there when i was a child and they said its because i was working, i was absent because i love you . 

             My dad never took me to a park or anything. I was neglected all my life that is the ultimate endurance of pain. 

[SamuelS]

I didn't mean to not answer the question, I guess I just didn't understand it very well and may not have made myself very clear...I think Lian's answer was right on the money, it resonates with me and seems to have struck a chord with you as well -- I'm sorry you were treated that way as a child.

 

regarding the relationship thing -- perhaps one doesn't think one can do better.

 

regarding fitness, discomfort seems necessary, pushing far past limits to the point of pain seems strange to me though I am aware people do that. I still think there must be a perceived benefit.

 

regarding tattoos, yes, I'm serious, I feel "high" just from the smell of the soap they use. the pain is temporary, the ink is permanent.

 

when I say economic calculation, I don't mean money, I just mean cost:benefit.

and football always seemed crazy to me..."two hand touch" or "flag" football was always fun, but I don't even like to watch NFL type football because it's just awful watching those men hurt one another like they do.

[Prairie]

My basic question is where does the glorification of pain come from

Some I can think of:"Learning to endure pain is a sign of maturity/discipline.""Enduring pain builds character.""You're weak if you cower from pain.""If you don't learn to accept pain, you won't grow."More deeply, I find that most people view themselves as defective and unwanted feelings etc. as something to try to get rid of. So when a child starts to accept their abusers as healthy and OK, they naturally turn on their own being as wrong and to be fought with. The pain it signals when being abused gets treated like a challenge to overcome, where victory means winning against the awful self.Ignoring pain also seems to be a general sign of being an adult, which many people strive to be seen as. They talk of "childish ways" etc. A child is what gets locked in a cage and abused by the adults around it, so that is not something one wants any association with.In a more charitable way, there seems to be at least two psychological responses to continuous pain: "toughing it out", and breaking down and wanting it gone immediately. The latter, in my experience, involves more suffering because of the constant desire for it to be gone, to try to flee from it. Maybe not glory, but a satisfaction in accepting the pain one is feeling and staying present so that it doesn't turn into a larger thing in the mind's projection of the future.

[Lians]

I remember being hit and told it is because I want you to be better. 

I remember I told my parents that they where never there when i was a child and they said its because i was working, i was absent because i love you . 

             My dad never took me to a park or anything. I was neglected all my life that is the ultimate endurance of pain. 

 

I'm really sorry to hear that, Ivan. Prolonged exposure to pain at a formative age truly mutates the child's desire to master his environment. He now derives his sense of accomplishment by managing his pain responses and that becomes his template for adult behaviour. It's a textbook Simon The Boxer scenario.

[SamuelS]

another example along the same lines...ever remember the school bully cocking a fist back, then claiming the right to punch you because "you flinched"? it seems in that case the bully is implying that "a better man" would not react to the perception of impending violence...

[aFireInside]

I didn't mean to not answer the question, I guess I just didn't understand it very well and may not have made myself very clear... 

 

Its ok don't worry about it i wasn't clear. 

 

Great observation with the comment about the bully who claims the right to hit one because of flinching. 

Some I can think of:"Learning to endure pain is a sign of maturity/discipline.""Enduring pain builds character.""You're weak if you cower from pain.""If you don't learn to accept pain, you won't grow."More deeply, I find that most people view themselves as defective and unwanted feelings etc. as something to try to get rid of. So when a child starts to accept their abusers as healthy and OK, they naturally turn on their own being as wrong and to be fought with. The pain it signals when being abused gets treated like a challenge to overcome, where victory means winning against the awful self. 

 

 

Very true! 

Thanks for your reply. 

I needed some feedback because i had trouble with my relationship with pain . (I knew where it came from but i couldn't pin point it) 

I'm really sorry to hear that, Ivan. Prolonged exposure to pain at a formative age truly mutates the child's desire to master his environment. He now derives his sense of accomplishment by managing his pain responses and that becomes his template for adult behaviour. It's a textbook Simon The Boxer scenario.

 

Thank you for your sympathy, Im not familiar with Simon the Boxer can you explain the basic theory ? 

I thought it was a song? 

[Lians]

Simon The Boxer is an example Stef uses in Real-Time Relationships to illustrate the principles behind recurring dysfunctional behaviour. I have, in fact, explained the basic theory in my post but I think it's a good idea to read the original starting on page 80 of the free PDF.

[aFireInside]

Simon The Boxer is an example Stef uses in Real-Time Relationships to illustrate the principles behind recurring dysfunctional behaviour. I have, in fact, explained the basic theory in my post but I think it's a good idea to read the original starting on page 80 of the free PDF.

 

 

Thanks i read that page and it cleared things up. It was very detailed.