djones42387 Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Hello. I am David. I have been wanting to write on here for a long time but did not know how to say what I was feeling. Today I have such an overwhelming emotion of dread and emptiness for my current situation. I have these two polar opposite sides of myself. One feels confident and reassured..and the other is so ashamed that no matter how much I care about virtue or being good to others or trying to save people or myself that its just not working. I listened to Stefan talking about how we conform to women to get access to reproduction. And it is so true. If I knew what to do to get the woman of my dreams I feel like maybe I would not be as moral as I wanted to be..or awstethically pleasing at least to meet that goal. And It is overwhelming because I see so many of the most attractive woman are not interested in your virtue or anything else. And I do not know where to even meet a woman of virtue or even interested in a peaceful life and true love. I know I am failing short to meet goals I have set for myself....And now I feel like I do not know what goal to set for myself. I think of my goal of starting my family, and I cannot even begin to enumerate all of the steps I know must be done before that...before I can even meet someone. I have shunned my family (or technically they shunned me). I have rejected mostly all of my "friends" as they were not healthy...and even still I find myself drawn to the unhealthiest of people (for myself, at least). So I have to rebuild my family, friends and career. Then hope to find this woman. Or can I find someone while I am in this process? It is making me feel like I am incomplete. I do not have friends to go out with..or even to come over. I do know a lot of people...but I cannot be myself with them or enjoy their company the way I would like to. Most of them are women that find me attractive but with more self knowledge; repulse me ever more every day. I know I must reach into my past to find peace...but the present and the future AND the past are choking me up with tears whenever I am alone. I'm on edge and I need something I cannot define exactly to help me through this. I want to experience love. for once in my life. in some form.
Tyler Durden Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 Okay, the first thing you need to do with regards to women is relabel the categories. There is a big, BIG, difference between attractive and pretty. You say that so many of the most attractive women are not interested in virtue, and that's simply not true. Because the women you're refering to are not attractive at all, they're pretty, but they're not attractive. They're actually really empty and boring. So don't mix that shit up. There are pretty girls and there are attractive girls. Pretty girls look like this: http://club-cx.ru/uploads/monthly_01_2013/post-588-0-94012900-1357655050_thumb.jpg and attractive girls look like this: http://kleyau.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/smile.jpg That particular girl might be a little too young, but I think you can see why I chose that picture. You want a girl who can smile like that. A girl who wakes up next to you in the morning, with her hair all messy and a smile like that on her face who says "come here, give me a tight hug djones42387!" So, forget the concept pretty, redefine the word attractive, and start ranking the girls in your life on how genuine their smiles are. Now, as for the goal setting. Don't make finding a woman or starting a family your main goal. You want your main goal to be something more solid than that, something that inspires you and keeps you stable. Let's use Stef as an example because we're all familiar with him. His main goal is making the world a better place by spreading philosophy. He's truly passionate about that and that's what makes him such an inspiration for so many people. This is what defines him as a man and the fact that he has a wonderful wife is partly a result of that, she is drawn to him because he is a man with a vision. Of course this is just an example and you don't have to become like Stef. But if you want a fulfilling relationship I strongly recommend you find out what you are most passionate about and start putting yourself out there. The more you show the world what you're passionate about and what you're capable of the more virtuous and like minded people you will attract, and some of these people will be women. But don't make that the main focus, make self expression the main focus.
ttarre Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 Hi David, I can relate to what you are feeling. I might not have any good answers, but I would like to share with you some of the perspectives that I have. It sounds that you are in the same process as I am in - starting everything anew, re-defining oneself, excited but terrified of what will come. For me, even if I do have my (sometimes quite severe) downs, the knowledge of being in the process (and not being stagnant) helps me deal with the feeling and fear of not having found a partner in life. Re-defining oneself with respect to values and also understanding what passions we host, in theory, will attract people that are suited for us. So, with that in the back of the mind, patience is required, but also being diligent in the self-work. I am keeping my hopes up, but I do feel as you describe at times. Keep up the good work and be out there, shine like a bright star, and the chances of attracting someone you find attractive (in a genuine way) will head towards 1.
djones42387 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 Tyler and ttare: Thank you for your response..when i wrote it i was coming off my emotional rollercoaster so i didnt say it correctly...i was expecting a scathing review of what i wrote. I agree with both of you. In fact Tyler, the girl you cited as attractive is EXACTLY what i am looking for aesthethically. And your descriptions I agree as well. My definition was off. I definitely meant attractive. And I definitely think I have to reform myself to draw to me the correct woman. I have begun working out and I am just beginning to realize how much a stressful childhood affected my body, mannerisms and thoughts. It has been very emotional. I was in two long term relationships with the wrong women and now dating again has been very disappointing. I guess I am looking for what will motivate me to look in the right direction. Finding passion and virtue myself..no shortcuts around this i think..I also think finding friends to help with this process. Keep in touch guys.. I really appreciate you input
Yeravos Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I am sorry for what was done to you as a child, to have put that awfully sounding shame on you. And to lose your friends and family, to see your world fall apart... I sympathize deeply with your situation. I have myself been in that mental process, and still find myself in it from time to time. I am just speaking from my own perspective here, so please, if you see something wrong with my statement, please feel free to correct me I don't think you'll be able to find a women that will be good for you while in this process. Because that yearning for love you are describing? I think it is a yearning for parent-child love, not romantic love. You could be confusing the two, when you are in this process of watching your former world come crashing down. Lastly, I think, from what you are writing here, you would benefit greatly from a good therapist. To help guide you through your pain. It's worth it, several times over.
J-William Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Welcome I think it is very interested that you mentioned feeling very empty and at the same time your post is very empty. What I mean is that you have told us nothing about yourself. You have not told us what experiences you had that might have led you to where you are in life. You've not told us about your goals other than in the most abstract fashion. Please tell us a little bit more about yourself, I would really like to help if I can.
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