article:The mother who NEVER says No to her children

[fractional slacker]

I am guessing most of you have heard of "Yes Parenting." If you haven't, it's another form of peaceful parenting. 

One woman's story putting this into practice.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2605613/Ice-cream-breakfast-Of-course-poppet-Draw-walls-swear-How-creative-Brace-meet-The-mother-NEVER-says-No-children.html 

[Lians]

 

So what drove Bea to become an advocate of Yes Parenting? She was brought up in a middle-class family in Cheltenham with her brother and sister — a house where no meant no. Her father was a town planner and her mother was a teacher. 

 

Ah, the classic, "X was used to harm me, therefore X is bad," mentality of people who lack self-knowledge.

[J-William]

 

What would she have done if the boys hadn’t felt like getting up for school? Would she have allowed them to have the day off? ‘It doesn’t happen often but when it does, I say: “Come on guys, we need to go,” and they go. If they wanted to talk about why they didn’t want to go to school, we’d open up a conversation about it but in the end, they would go.’

Hmmm.

The writer says "hmm" to that... But I'd put that as one of the few flaws in her parenting, she's making them go to school.

 

Reading the totality of this article it sounds like she's doing a really good job and is on the 99% right path for what's best for her children.. I'm actually glad to see this kind of article in the media even if there is a sensationalist headline attached to it. From what I can tell in the article it's just another name for peaceful parenting. And they she uses "yes" in the same way that an improv group treats the word "yes".

I'm impressed with her dedication especially given how lovely her extended family must be given that they are British.

Now the comments wow comments are different story entirely if you don't want to see some vile bullshit hatred of children and all of the best parts of assholes on the Internet then I think you should avoid those comments.

[dsayers]

The name Yes Parenting implies permission being sought. In that context, yes (and no) is only a conclusion. Children who are inexperienced in this world, who rely on their caregivers to guide them in the world, benefit much more from understanding how those conclusions are arrived upon and how to rationally arrive there on their own. In this way, Yes Parenting is almost as damaging as No Parenting, and is in fact no parenting.

[Prairie]

Yeah, the title sounds like she doesn't consider her needs and says yes to whatever they ask of her, which then models not listening to one's own needs. Thinking more, the idea of asking is like you say for permission, and if she reframes things in a non-hierarchical way, what might be seen as answering yes to everything really is just treating them like unique beings and merely speaking for one's (her) own self. At the very least, she's being able to capitalize on the wealth of feedback in all the words and actions of her kids if she takes it as just feedback about what's going on for them rather than something imposing on her.

[tjt]

I'm still digesting this article. I was back and forth during the whole thing, and now looking back at it, I think there were two factors that caused me to feel this way. First, the writer's irrational and illogical bias:

 

 

 

It all sounds alarmingly lax, not to mention a bit bonkers. Bea, a highly eloquent but undeniably bohemian mother, uses words like ‘resolving’, ‘freedom’, ‘choices’ and the phrase ‘opening up the conversation’ a lot — terms that will jar with parents who believe all children need to learn is that ‘no means no’.

 

 

I didn't know bohemians used words that distinguish them from non-bohemians (words which happen to be pretty common and harmless).

 

The second thing that confuses me is the name of the parenting style-"yes parenting." There were plenty of examples in the article that didn't involve the mom just saying "yes"-- asking the kids why they didn't want to go to school, walking them through the practicality of buying a crocodile, etc. I don't know anything about "yes parenting," but either this woman's style is not "yes parenting" or "yes parenting" is the wrong name for the practice overall.

 

Early on, the article painted a picture of a woman who bends over backwards to suit the needs of her children while forgoing her own. For example, serving her children ice-cream for breakfast. But then they give an example of her not having time to help her son find his toy (which for me implies that she reasoned with him to get to the conclusion of no)... to which he says "ef off," and she replies by inquiring about his emotions at the moment. I think that's a good little parenting scenario. 

 

Finally, I can't help but wonder: if she is so good at saying yes, reasoning and opening up a conversation, why did she say no to her marriage?