Healing the wounds of child abuse by writing

[J-William]

I read an article a year two ago about a study that had been done that helped victims of child abuse overcome some of the emotional trauma from their abuse by writing about it.

I guess I didn't think much of it at the time, or thought they were just talking about journaling or whatever.

But reading it again recently I realized it might actually be pretty helpful.

I recall some years ago trying to put together a story of my childhood to help me recall things that had happened and dramatic events traumatic events. I didn't get very far with the project partially because I type very slowly and partially because I couldn't emotionally connect with anything I was writing about.

According to research that they have done at the University of Texas writing provides a means to externalize traumatic experience and make it less overwhelming.

So this evening with the help of this article I wrote about some traumatic experiences from my childhood. One of being very scared by my father telling me about the boogie man when I was about three and then having a fever dream and seeing the boogie man's footprints on the ceiling. And another experience of being abandoned and lost at about the same age in a park when I was out walking with my parents.

It really amazed me how much those experiences still triggered genuine emotions even though they happens nearly 30 years ago. I think that writing about the feelings that you had about traumatic events in your childhood and how you feel about them now can be immensely helpful. I'm now thinking that I will continue this project until I can get a firm grasp on much of the traumatic events that happened in my childhood. There's only so far that abstract understanding can get you.

I've often wondered where Stef gets such clarity on the traumatic events of his childhood, and it's no doubts because he did a lot of therapy and journaling.

I mean just this evening I've discovered that my father is a sadist or at least leans in that direction because he thinks it's a good idea or funny to tell a three-year-old about the boogie man who is going to come and get him.

I have a daughter who is almost 3, and I would never tell her a malicious story of that kind. But beyond that I also realize that there are some things that will scare a child that's the parent cannot control. So for instance my wife brought home some live crabs and tried to cook them. Being inexperienced with live crabs she let them escape the pot and they ran all over the kitchen and scared my daughter when she saw them. My daughter was scared for weeks afterwards and had bad dreams about the crabs. Even now many months later she was very scared by a crab toy and we had to show her that it was just a toy and not scary.

The points in telling that story is that my daughter was scared of the crabs but because she had caring and empathetic parents she has been able to deal with that, and we have not tried cooking more live crabs in the house so we are not re-inflict in any kind of scares on her. But with parents who delight in the idea of telling a child that a scary monster is coming to get them I had no one to help me process my fear or to help me feel safe.

Anyhow that was a fairly long-winded way of saying that you should really look into writing about your traumatic experiences if you are having trouble processing them or if you want to gain some more self-knowledge.

[Tyler Durden]

I complete agree with your main point and I think it's very good that you're writing about your traumatic childhood experiences. It must have been very difficult growing up with a sadistic dad like that. I also think it's good that you're sharing your experience on the board.

 

Completely besides that main point though, I find putting living crabs into boiling water and cooking them until they die a very cruel thing to do.

[J-William]

Completely besides that main point though, I find putting living crabs into boiling water and cooking them until they die a very cruel thing to do.

I suspect you're right, I didn't feel comfortable with it at the time... I don't eat crabs, but if I did I'm not sure there is a non-cruel way to do it. Anyhow that was a one time gift from a business associate.

 

Also, back on the main point. I did not include a link for people curious about the article. So here you go http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/overcoming-child-abuse/201209/how-and-why-writing-heals-wounds-child-abuse

also the book mentioned in the article http://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Healing-Expressing-Emotions/dp/1572302380

[GYre0ePJhZ]

I agree with your advise. Thanks for sharing!

 

 

I mean just this evening I've discovered that my father is a sadist or at least leans in that direction because he thinks it's a good idea or funny to tell a three-year-old about the boogie man who is going to come and get him.

 

I have similar concerns regarding my mother as you know. I have a question, "sadist or atleast leans in that direction" leaves me a bit uncertain whether you think he is or not?

 

I still remember the stories of hell when I was little and they made me very afraid.

[J-William]

I agree with your advise. Thanks for sharing!

 

 

I have similar concerns regarding my mother as you know. I have a question, "sadist or atleast leans in that direction" leaves me a bit uncertain whether you think he is or not?

 

I still remember the stories of hell when I was little and they made me very afraid.

That's a good catch there, that looks like a parental correction...

 

If I look for evidence of that... there is some compelling evidence like his solution to me wetting the bed was a layer of crinkly plastic that kept me up, a plastic mat that sounded an alarm if it got wet, not throwing out the old dirty mattress until I quit wetting the bed. Those are not empathetic, do they sound sadistic to you? I'm guessing they do because my mind has gone completely foggy.

 

Sadism is joy in the suffering of others... and lack of empathy would be not being aware of others feelings. Shit I can't even add 2+2 right now

[GYre0ePJhZ]

 

If I look for evidence of that... there is some compelling evidence like his solution to me wetting the bed was a layer of crinkly plastic that kept me up, a plastic mat that sounded an alarm if it got wet, not throwing out the old dirty mattress until I quit wetting the bed. Those are not empathetic, do they sound sadistic to you? I'm guessing they do because my mind has gone completely foggy.

 

Sadism is joy in the suffering of others... and lack of empathy would be not being aware of others feelings. Shit I can't even add 2+2 right now

 

According to your definition of sadism, which I agree with, I think the fact that he told you the boogie man story falls into the category of a sadistic act since I think the most plausible and easiest explanation for him doing that is for his own amusement. I fail to see any other explanation?

 

I think your father's method of addressing your bed wetting is evidence for a complete lack of empathy. I am not sure whether that specific act falls into the category of sadism though as I don't know whether he did this for his own amusement or not. But maybe he found an eloquent way of exercising his sadism under the guise of teaching you how to not wet your bed?

 

However - and I don't want to make this about me, but I want to share my experience with you - I feel really pissed off at what he did to you. First he scared the crap out of you with this boogie man stories you had nightmares about, and then he put in place these draconian measures to "fix" your bed wetting which he most likely was responsible for in the first place by telling you these stories!

[Horseradish]

 One of being very scared by my father telling me about the boogie man when I was about three and then having a fever dream and seeing the boogie man's footprints on the ceiling. 

 

What was the room right above your bedroom?

[J-William]

According to your definition of sadism, which I agree with, I think the fact that he told you the boogie man story falls into the category of a sadistic act since I think the most plausible and easiest explanation for him doing that is for his own amusement. I fail to see any other explanation?

 

I think your father's method of addressing your bed wetting is evidence for a complete lack of empathy. I am not sure whether that specific act falls into the category of sadism though as I don't know whether he did this for his own amusement or not. But maybe he found an eloquent way of exercising his sadism under the guise of teaching you how to not wet your bed?

 

However - and I don't want to make this about me, but I want to share my experience with you - I feel really pissed off at what he did to you. First he scared the crap out of you with this boogie man stories you had nightmares about, and then he put in place these draconian measures to "fix" your bed wetting which he most likely was responsible for in the first place by telling you these stories!

I have a feeling that the footprints might have been partially real. I mean I think my father may have used some glow-in-the-dark stickers on the wall or the ceiling as part of telling the story... and then when I was sick and having very vivid fever dreams they were magnified into footprints all along the ceiling.

 

He did a marvelous job of preparing me for bullies, I was such a nervous wreck I was still wetting my pants in elementary school. 

 

What was the room right above your bedroom?

I believe the house we were living in was a single story house. I have a very fuzzy memory of footprints in the hall. 

[GYre0ePJhZ]

 

He did a marvelous job of preparing me for bullies, I was such a nervous wreck I was still wetting my pants in elementary school.

 

You were bullied? If that is what you meant, how were you bullied?

[Emman]

 

The points in telling that story is that my daughter was scared of the crabs but because she had caring and empathetic parents she has been able to deal with that, and we have not tried cooking more live crabs in the house so we are not re-inflict in any kind of scares on her. But with parents who delight in the idea of telling a child that a scary monster is coming to get them I had no one to help me process my fear or to help me feel safe.

 

 

Children are not innately scared of crabs like they aren't of spiders and snakes.  If she developed that fear it's because she was predisposed by something in her interactions with her caregivers. I would advice you to look into that by being curious about your daughter's past experiences, thoughts and feelings. Also shielding her from the things she is afraid of – also conceptually or abstractly – means going in the opposite direction: no processing of the root causes, less self-reliance, and more irrational attachment to you.Writing about your childhood is excellent. I think it works because it helps you hear yourself from the "outside", and develop that empathetic connection with yourself that you need in order to heal. Thank you for sharing that.

[massaki]

 

I read an article a year two ago about a study that had been done that helped victims of child abuse overcome some of the emotional trauma from their abuse by writing about it.

I guess I didn't think much of it at the time, or thought they were just talking about journaling or whatever.

But reading it again recently I realized it might actually be pretty helpful.

I recall some years ago trying to put together a story of my childhood to help me recall things that had happened and dramatic events traumatic events. I didn't get very far with the project partially because I type very slowly and partially because I couldn't emotionally connect with anything I was writing about.

According to research that they have done at the University of Texas writing provides a means to externalize traumatic experience and make it less overwhelming.

So this evening with the help of this article I wrote about some traumatic experiences from my childhood. One of being very scared by my father telling me about the boogie man when I was about three and then having a fever dream and seeing the boogie man's footprints on the ceiling. And another experience of being abandoned and lost at about the same age in a park when I was out walking with my parents.

It really amazed me how much those experiences still triggered genuine emotions even though they happens nearly 30 years ago. I think that writing about the feelings that you had about traumatic events in your childhood and how you feel about them now can be immensely helpful. I'm now thinking that I will continue this project until I can get a firm grasp on much of the traumatic events that happened in my childhood. There's only so far that abstract understanding can get you.

I've often wondered where Stef gets such clarity on the traumatic events of his childhood, and it's no doubts because he did a lot of therapy and journaling.

I mean just this evening I've discovered that my father is a sadist or at least leans in that direction because he thinks it's a good idea or funny to tell a three-year-old about the boogie man who is going to come and get him.

I have a daughter who is almost 3, and I would never tell her a malicious story of that kind. But beyond that I also realize that there are some things that will scare a child that's the parent cannot control. So for instance my wife brought home some live crabs and tried to cook them. Being inexperienced with live crabs she let them escape the pot and they ran all over the kitchen and scared my daughter when she saw them. My daughter was scared for weeks afterwards and had bad dreams about the crabs. Even now many months later she was very scared by a crab toy and we had to show her that it was just a toy and not scary.

The points in telling that story is that my daughter was scared of the crabs but because she had caring and empathetic parents she has been able to deal with that, and we have not tried cooking more live crabs in the house so we are not re-inflict in any kind of scares on her. But with parents who delight in the idea of telling a child that a scary monster is coming to get them I had no one to help me process my fear or to help me feel safe.

Anyhow that was a fairly long-winded way of saying that you should really look into writing about your traumatic experiences if you are having trouble processing them or if you want to gain some more self-knowledge.

 

 

 

Yea i feel mostly mental stable writting about and even times when i start having panic attacks trying to get myself to write, i then write about my frustrations about writing, lol

[Horseradish]

I have a feeling that the footprints might have been partially real. I mean I think my father may have used some glow-in-the-dark stickers on the wall or the ceiling as part of telling the story... and then when I was sick and having very vivid fever dreams they were magnified into footprints all along the ceiling.

 

He did a marvelous job of preparing me for bullies, I was such a nervous wreck I was still wetting my pants in elementary school. 

 

I believe the house we were living in was a single story house. I have a very fuzzy memory of footprints in the hall. 

 

Ah okay, I was asking because I was wondering if whoever was in the room above you was dangerous to you, but I guess not if it was a single story house, unless your Dad did some work on the roof or something. And I'm sorry to hear about all this, that sounds awful to have terrifying dreams like that caused by your father.

Children are not innately scared of crabs like they aren't of spiders and snakes.  If she developed that fear it's because she was predisposed by something in her interactions with her caregivers. I would advice you to look into that by being curious about your daughter's past experiences, thoughts and feelings. Also shielding her from the things she is afraid of – also conceptually or abstractly – means going in the opposite direction: no processing of the root causes, less self-reliance, and more irrational attachment to you.

It might not be the crabs, but seeing an unexpected living animal in a place that is normally just her and her parents. I'm not sure though, that's an interesting point you brought up.