Owning responsibility

[justinrobert456]

DEFOOD PARENTS: I can only speak in reference to my own situation. I am a 32 year old who has defood specific family members prior to knowing of Stefan Molyneux's existence. I see parents on this forum refuse to own responsibility for the outcomes of their relationship with their children. If one were to ask the people I have severed ties with where they failed they would deny any wrongdoing or admit to minor transgressions at most. The fact is just the presence of certain family members are the cause of repetitive homicidal nightmares that only abate in their absence. 

All I wish to convey is that a person does not have to be aware of the damage they inflict to be capable of inflicting this damage. A person could unknowingly infect another with a flu virus that ultimately could lead to the death of the infected even in the absence of conscious intention. In similar fashion a persons' actions and behavior result in unseen consequences which may be positive or negative.

To deny ones grief or pain because as the alleged abuser you have no recollection or acceptance of responsibility does not minimize the impact on the individual experiencing emotional or physical pain, Just the same as the person who dies from flu is no less dead, even when the person who infected them is unaware of any virus transmission.

As a young adult preparing to raise children I acknowledge the responsibility to judge my parenting by results rather than intentions. 

[MysterionMuffles]

thanks for sharing Justin. You make a very good point. When abusers claim ignorance, whether it's true or not, they make themselves look even more guilty by not at least acknowledging your pain. To the point you know they're just trying to gaslight you because they know it's a difficult burden to bear when you admit wrong and promise to improve. I've done it. I used to hit my sister when I was young and it was not easy to bring it up to her and apologize. It was very painful for me to admit the faults of my actions, but it was a pain I was willing to endure if it meant a clearer and more trustworthy relationship that I have with her now. 

[dsayers]

All I wish to convey is that a person does not have to be aware of the damage they inflict to be capable of inflicting this damage.

 

I enthusiastically make this case often. I've heard people defend their parents, using "they didn't know" as an excuse. When no responsibility we could have could be greater than the care and developmental guidance of another human being. To not know is negligent.

 

To deny ones grief or pain because as the alleged abuser you have no recollection or acceptance of responsibility does not minimize the impact on the individual experiencing emotional or physical pain,

 

I strongly agree with this one too. As a result of my unprocessed trauma, I was an awful friend and boyfriend in my younger years. I hurt people I didn't mean to and when I was confronted with this, I felt horrible and curious. I think these are definitive signals that the abuse was unintentional.